Petals

She smiles, thinking how nice it is to have him around, protecting her, confiding in her… He makes her feel so safe, something she never knew she wanted… She can tell him almost anything, things she still hasn’t revealed to the rest of the world. He won’t break her confidence; he won’t judge her. The only thing she’s afraid of is telling him how she really feels, but she needs to keep the hope that he feels the same, that he’s just scared.

But that isn’t it. He’s not just scared. Maybe he’s not up to being with someone, but even if he were, she wouldn’t be the one he chose. He’d have a typical story, about how their friendship was too important, and he didn’t want to ruin it, but it would all be bull. They both know, she thinks, that all it is is that she isn’t good enough for him; that she’s good enough to be his friend, but she could never be good enough for anything more.

But they could be so much more. She sees their potential, even if he is blind to it. Why can’t he just see it as she does? Does he? Is he just scared? It is possible, she knows. Anything is possible. Why should the universe deny her the one thing she’s wanted longer than anything else in her life? He just can’t admit to her how much he really cares… That has to be it. Because anything else is too hard to believe.

But how can she live her life in self-delusion? Sure, she can see signals that he’s interested, but with him, they’re probably something completely different. She’s tried to talk to him, but it doesn’t work. If there is nothing beyond friendship for them, then why can’t she just get past it? All there is for her is the hope that her favorite affirmation is true, that everything will turn out for the best. She just prays that everything will be all right. She needs for it to turn out right.