It's the last few days before Christmas and I am not so thrilled. There are a bunch of things running through my mind and a few things that have decided to plop down right in the middle of my point of view and make me very unhappy. At a time I should be celebrating and feeling joy I am, well... in a word depressed.

Shall I start from the beginning? No. That would be way too much. Even *I* recognize that!

I am tweaked about a plethora of things.

I have been single for a while. I had a pseudo relationship that was long distance that I could rely on for the last few years. This was reinforced each time I came home. Well, now he has moved on. Okay, I knew that someday this would happen, if I didn't get my butt back home. Well, my ever increasing ass is still in SF, and he has some new girlie. This depresses me.

Moving forward, I decide to move on myself. Okay, I go on the fifth date I have had in three years. It went well. I decide that this online match making thing is okay, We have a second date, even better. I go away for the weekend. He sleeps with some other random woman.

Bastard

I try again. Set up a date with boy number 2, it went good. Plans for date two, with boy two. No call, no email, no call. Finally email.

Loser

Okay, now I am starting to be affected by this. I am remembering why I don't date. It sucks.

A few years back I lost a lot of weight. When I say a lot, I mean A LOT. Now I am back to a big number that makes me *very* unhappy. I decide I am going to do something about it. Good for me. Yeah, I have this much *makes pinching gesture* self control. I am a scatterbrained creature of habit. This makes dieting very hard.

But, it's a new millennium (yes, I had to make some reference!) so I should be able, as an adult, to make this happen. All I need is motivation. Hmmm... what will motivate me to get my big ass out there?

The AIDS Ride!

Back in November I decided it was something I wanted to do. Yes, I have a BIG butt, and am way out of shape. But, this is something I have six months to prepare for. And! I don't have to start until after the holiday gorge is over! Motivation for me to do this for me, motivation to do something for others, and motivation to accomplish something that seems impossible to me. Well... the more I read the web site the more I know I *can* do it and this was something that I need to do. In wanting to protect my feelings I didn't tell ANYONE that I printed out the form, mailed in my check and made up my mind, I will do it! A little mental planning involved.... Christmas and New Years behind me I will have 5 months plus about a week to train. Manny will be going back fairly close to that date, that may or may not hinder me. I don't think it will, and if I don't have a new puppy then, I wont be worried about having to find a sitter, and send him away for a whole week so early on in the game. Not that anyone wouldn't love to have an adorable little black lab puppy for a week, but I would worry and feel bad. I can do this. I have lots of friends and co-workers that will support me, and I really want to do it.

Only one problem. Registration is closed, and they don't have my paperwork.

Registration for riders closed in Oct for SF. So, I signed up for LA. They were having system problems, after trying several times to register online, only to receive the message that the server was unavailable, I printed out my lil' ol form and mailed it in. Here it is a month later and no info. I wasn't concerned, that is until, I talked to Dan. He told me that he had his stuff right away! Oh no! I perused his packet, all kinds of info. Dammit, I want my stuff, and I am concerned!

This morning I called the LA Ride office and talked to Eduardo who informed me that no, they had no record of my name and sorry, the rider registration is now closed as of last week.

DAMN!

I pleaded, I sent it in a month ago! "Please, is there anything you can do?" Well, he took my number and told me he would check into it further and get back to me. This was at 10am. I was pretty cranky, depressed and got a little weepy, I *want* this!

Two rolls around, nothing.

Then two thirty. Still nothing.

OK, I'm calling back. I spoke to Eduardo again (a nice guy) and he says he wants me to talk to the director. He transfers me, voicemail. Okay, this is okay, I keep telling myself, just leave a message, turn on your hag-charm and be your sweet self. Trust that he checks his messages, trust that he will be understanding. I kept it short (yes, I CAN do that), gave him the story, the numbers and a happy holiday wish. Now we wait again.

Not five minutes later the phone rings and it's him! He was very nice, he says he will research the info some more, and if he finds that they made the error then he will let me in for sure. But he will have to get back to me after the holiday with what he finds out, and if I get any info (i.e.: a cashed check or a return letter) to let him know. No problem.

Now we wait. I hate waiting. I am not patient. While I am waiting I need to be constructive.

What better way to be constructive than last minute Christmas shopping? Yup. I am a last minute loser. I could have gone today but chose to wait. I am going to the redneck paradise, Super-K-Mart tonight when I am done. I probably should not have divulged my plan, I am trying to avid the crowd. They are open all night and that is my plan. Buy cheap wrapping paper, some boxes, and those little goodies that I need for stocking stuffers. All while the masses sleep. Me and my puppy will have the mid-night-blue-light-special all to ourselves! Aisles free of folks! It never bothered me until the last few years. Probably because I normally got all of my shopping done early. I used to be such a smart girl.

Can we talk about how dumb I am? I will never ever ever make things for people again for a holiday. I will do that when I spec Geiger!! *shuddering at the thought of the invoices that await my return* Never Ever! Yes, it was a cute idea, yes I was saving money -- please note that was is the operative word here. SCREW THAT! I don't have the time for it! Especially 20 of them! What was I thinking?! Not only did it take longer than I thought, the accents were the biggest pain and took three times as much effort! You boys who got the good ones, you be happy. The rest of you, well sorry. I procrastinated and have so little patience! At least I am not quilting and killing my neck like my Mom! Ha!

I am off to the redneck paradise, maybe I can hit wal*mart while I am at it. Nah, I might vomit. Dad can use a K-Mart gift card and be happy!