They say that Sickert knew who Jack The Ripper was. He took this knowledge and hid it safely in a half-dead trout in a no-longer existant creek in London.
When Sickert died, the half-dead trout died all the way and decided it would like to swim to America, having hated London for some time now. So it did. Swim to America that is.
In 1899, knowing that it did not properly belong in the 1900s, it died.
The Jack The Ripper trout's past between then and now is rather shady. Having been dead drunk most of the time, he himself can remember little. And what he can remember, he chooses not to reveal. As far as I can tell, those missing 96 years were mainly spent whoring himself off to young fisherman to pay for stays at various cheap creeks and motels.
So one day last week I went fishing in one of said cheap motels with my friend Henry. Henry, being a good name for a fisher, is indeed a fine young fisherman and he does not read books. I being a book reader who does not fish, get along very well with him.
We found a fine trout-fishing spot near the banks of the nailed down remote control. Nice a spot as it was by sight, the lack of a proper cheap motel room aroma depressed us. We should expect a cheap motel room to smell of come, cigarettes, and air freshener. However, being a slightly less than cheaper than usual motel room, this one sadly smelled merly of cigarettes. Being rather depressed, we did not expect to catch any trout at all that day, not even a five-halves dead one. So it came as a great surprize when in the middle of our sandwich break, Henry caught the Jack The Ripper trout with a bit of roast beef.
Henry broke the Jack The Ripper trout's neck subsequently killing it.
Henry, never having read books, did not know who Jack The Ripper was. I don't know who Jack The Ripper was either. Only the Jack The Ripper trout knows who Jack The Ripper was.
However, being seven-halves dead and unable to speak, Henry decided that this knowledge would make better sandwiches than it would an interview on Oprah.
Copyright 1997 mint