December 23 2000
A Guano Christmas hit bayside Melbourne last night as the lovable lads held their traditional Christmas Noisefest for the neighbours (who strangely enough had all left town). Norm arrived sans music, Mark arrived in his new purple paisley shirt sans plectrum and Neil didn't arrive at all as he was already there. Despite these obstacles nothing could stop the momentum of a runaway strawberry when the music got underway with originals such as Vicious Fish, I Don't Know, Do It For Me, Nonchalant, But A Dream and When They Come. The night in fact started with Neil's daughter Madeleine leading the fray with The Lion Sleeps Tonight.
Greg arrived soon after and the fearsome foursome launched into Santa Claus Is Coming To Town (The Bruce Stringbean Version), Fountains Of Wayne's I Want A Alien For Christmas and other rollickers including Rockin' In The Free World, Substitute, Venus, Revolution, Suffragette City, Itchycoo Park, I Should Have Known Better, The Unguarded Moment and Cum On Feel The Noize.
As far as the year is concerned it has been a quiet one for the band. Only on six occasions has the full ensemble assembled, no songs were penned (or at least introduced), no gigs (but what else is new) and who knows if the band still gets a song or two on local community radio. Still there's more room in the rendezvous room, the equipment has stood up (and threatened to leave) despite the odds and good beer, coffee, chocolate and chips are always available. So it ain't all bad!

December 4 2000
Another low-key night last Friday with Neil and Mark jamming in Norm's absence. Amongst the originals covered were Collision Girl, Nostradamus And The Bug Eye From Outer Space (an oldie probably not touched for 4 years - with good reason I suppose), Softly, Lateral and When They Come. Covers included Mad World, I Put A Spell On You (very average - need young Greg for that one), Let's Get Together and Black Man Ray.
Of interest (to us at least) was the germination of a song idea that was committed to 4-track. Maybe the first thing written this year!
Meanwhile Jess's Concert Band played their annual gig at Robert Blackwood Hall on Sunday, covering 4 songs and sounding very good.

November 16 2000
With no jams till December a little a bit of housekeeping news is all there is to offer. Norm and Neil jammed November 6. Neil had been in Yarrawonga the week before and Mark was in Eden at the time watching humpback whales and getting wet from their spout spray (they were that close!).

October 21 2000
Mark and Neil completed stage two of the recent duo round robin after Norm unexpectantly went AWOL for the scheduled evening last night. Still the lads pressed on regardless and completed a full evening of songs which comprised originals Dunbar, Softly, Peter Such, I Don't Know, The Great Song Of The Dispossessed, Mad As A Hatter, She's An Amazon, Lateral, Way Upwey, When They Come, North To Alaska, The Thirty-Nine Steppes and In Celebration of Lyn.
Covers for the night were Screaming Jay Hawkins' I Put A Spell On You, Garbage's Push It, The Youngbloods' Let's Get Together, Buddy Holly's Heartbeat, Tears For Fears' Mad World and Ed Kuepper's The Way I Made You Feel.
Still the evening ended with the full ensemble as the lads went over old video footage (as well as the end of Mars Attacks!)over coffee and chocolate. Also, on an international note, She's An Amazon is now doing exclusive rounds of selective listeners in Ireland, courtesy of a tape transported back to the Emerald Isle by Oirish fan James Leonard. James you can be President (and possibly only member) of our Irish Fan Club.

October 5 2000
Norm and Neil get together for two casual music get togethers on September 25 and 29 during the school holidays. Mark goes Olympics Melbourne style attending three soccer matches at the 'G'...Chile V Spain and USA V China on the 17th and the semi between Cameroon and Chile on the 26th. Not much else happening. Oh yes...the reason the lads didn't play at the Olympics Closing Ceremony...the organisers wouldn't let us sing Why Don't We Do It In The Road. Some people have no imagination!

September 9 2000
Believe it or not! The Hoikers met for their second jam in a fortnight last night. Reminds me of the heady days pre-Bernaid!
Before Greggy arrived for a night of rollicking covers, the lads powered their way through originals A Word Is Enough To The Wise, Dunbar, The Thirty-Nine Steppes, I Don't Know, Softly, Nonchalant, North To Alaska, Oak's Day '93 and Southern Movie Show.
With Greg behind the mike covers beaten into submission included Paul Kelly's Dumb Things, T.Rex's Get It On, The Yardbirds' Heart Full Of Soul, The Beatles' I Should Have Known Better, Ringo's It Don't Come Easy, Tears For Fears' Mad World, S&G's Mrs Robinson, Badfinger's No Matter What, Fischer Z's So Long, The Who's Substitute, The Kinks' Sunny Afternoon and Waterloo Sunset, The Church's The Unguarded Moment, CCR's Who'll Stop The Rain, David Bowie's Jean Genie and The Small Faces' Itchycoo Park. In fact I think that was the whole set! Halfway through the lads broke for coffee and the best bits of 'Bound'. Interesting film!
When Mark left for the night through fatigue the lads were still playing, Fort Worth Blues and Goanna's Razor's Edge. Boy were the band pooped by the end! I still don't understand why we didn't get a gig at the Olympic Opening Ceremony!

Meanwhile on the Thorp front, Jesse got his new trumpet and Mog wants to learn his old one. Mark has also been learning Neil Young songs such as Like A Hurricane and Heart Of Gold. I hear a groan as I write this.

August 26 2000
With Norm returning from the wilderness, the band had their first jam since early July last night. The Lad from Langy stunned his fellow hoikers by announcing he had finally purchased that elusive guitar lead and the boys were soon in full swing with originals such as Vicious Fish, Passion, I Don't Know, Muttonbird On Your Breath and a sultry lounge version of Dunbar. Sprinkled throughout the night the band resurrected several covers, including The Smithereens' Behind The Wall Of Sleep, CCR's Lodi, Van the Man's Brown Eyed Girl, The Youngbloods' Get Together (after a long absence, that one), The The's This Is The Day and Ed Kuepper's The Way I Made You Feel.
Possibly an imaginary song title would best sum up an evening that rocked and rusted in equal parts...could it be Lost In Cyberspace, The Ballad of Norm and Omo, I've Got A Cold (Again), Gotta Go Before Midnight (Again) or I've Pulled The Rug From Under You (Until You're Toilet Trained).
Needless to say a splendid time was had by all. Meanwhile on August 19 Jess played at a School Bands Workshop at Robert Blackwood Hall. The boy's gettin' more gigs than his Dad!

August 8 2000
All Quiet on the banks of the Patterson River since the July jam. Neil has been redecorating the new 'studio' while Mark has been digging up old Beatles songs to play, notably With A Little Help From My Friends, Dear Prudence and The Ballad of John & Yoko. Norm has been away for a month now and the rest of the band looks forward to his return.
With the football season over the lads hope to organise a get together soon.

July 1 2000
The night after Norm and Neil jammed on some Goanna and Shane Howard covers, Carrum's answer to Cream (albeit curdled) met for their first musical gathering since March. Norm is still one lead short of a jam (but who would have it any other way) and despite the heater draining all power from two amps at one stage and Norm kicking out a cord at another the Hoikers proceeded through an evening notable for Norm's new song Passion and the resurrection of a Mark oldie Mad As A Hatter.
Originals played included I Don't Know, Dunbar, Seven Days Later, Nonchalant, Southern Movie Show and Do It For Me. Covers included T.Rex's Get It On, China Crisis' Black Man Ray and an impromptu Butterfly Collector by The Jam.
The evening was punctuated by noodle takeaway, the whole concept of the noodle shop foreign to the Lad from Langy. Even more exotic was the paint job on Madeleine's new room (green, orange and yellow). Unfortunately as the evening drew to a close over coffee and reports of old friends hitting the musical big time Mark couldn't share his recent 'net' discovery from Italy with the others. Too much congestion I expect.
Lastly Norm and Neil added a track or two to Norm's My Momma Told Me a few Saturday mornings ago. The date has become hazy but it has been duly added for posterior.

May 29 2000
Mark's daughter Mog performed twice yesterday (afternoon and evening) with her school choir at 'The Ballad of Birdsland', a musical event staged at Belgrave Heights Convention Centre. The two concerts were wonderful despite the freezing conditions within the centre.

May 24 2000
No jams for awhile now. The choice one Friday night was either a jam or the football. Well there was no contest really. A night at the new Docklands Stadium with Richmond beating West Coast was preferred over a bungalow bash too cold for the usual scantily clad admirers to attend (it's my fantasy and I'm sticking to it).
Meanwhile Mark and Silv are looking to collaborate on some song ideas, Jess played trumpet at a school concert (May 24) and Norm's other band, The Toga Men, has finally imploded. Neil has also committed some more Guano stuff onto disc.

April 7 2000
With the Hoikers in recess till Easter, the main music news has been Jesse's concert on April 2 at Monbulk with the Hills Adventurer Concert Band. Pieces included Geronimo, Wagon Train and Fanfare Of The Champions. Today the musical vein continued with a Cultural Show at the school where Jess sang solo in front of the school during the song I Am Australian.
Meanwhile on April 10 Norm and Neil jammed, covering some originals and Shane Howard covers.

March 11 2000
After a day spent by Neil and Mark at the Friday Formula One Practice at Albert Park the Hoikers reconvened for their second jam of the year. Only a couple of originals, Vicious Fish and A Word Is Enough To The Wise were done before Greg rolled up, still hoarse from Richmond's two point win over Melbourne on Wednesday.
The lads then proceeded to butcher CCR's Who'll stop The Rain, Cream's White Room, Goanna's Solid Rock (a little interlude with Norm accompanying Greg on vocals - they should do the cafe circuit as a duo!), The Church's Under The Milky Way and the T.Rex classic Get It On. And it was all captured on tape!
Mark stuck to Norm's Maton acoustic for the evening (trying to recapture the band's live Bernaid sound no doubt and avoiding his own dodgy guitar), Norm continued to lose more sheet music, Neil spoke glowingly of the Grand Prix sights outside his corporate box and Greg shared in the enjoyment of West Coast thumping everyone's favourite team, North Melbourne.

February 19 2000
Vocals were put down on two tracks last night as Neil and Mark brushed the dust off the 4-track recorder in Norm's absence. These were When They Come and the oldie Cesspools Of Your Mind.

Meanwhile Mark is in shock at the news of Ofra Haza's illness and sincerely sends his heartfelt wish for her full recovery.

January 8 2000
The first jam of the year last night. Norm had become a father again to little Nathan Keith, Neil had performed a sacrificial burning of his copy of the music to Rockin' In The Free World and Mark had been playing the James Bond theme constantly with his kids on the keyboard Santa brought them.
Some live recording was achieved during the evening, courtesy of a mixer Neil had borrowed. New songs given the hoiker fairy dust were The Small Faces' Itchycoo Park and Flowers' We Can Get Together while others played included (with Greg on vocals throughout) originals She's An Amazon, Collision Girl (unravelling beautifully at the end) and Muttonbird On Your Breath and covers Neil Young's Rockin' In The Free World, CCR's Who'll Stop The Rain and Lodi and S&G's Mrs Robinson.
Highlights of the night were Norm's promise to buy a guitar lead, Neil spearing himself with a corn chip, Greg sounding like Bon Scott impersonating Iva Davies impersonating Lou Reed and Mark resisting the temptation of inflicting Ring Of Fire on the others. The evening finished as a police helicopter hovered over the street. Were we that loud?