YOU MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT IF...

You think the rich can get richer off people who have no money.

You've named your kids "Stardust" or "Moonbeam".

You've tried to argue that all of societies problems are based on the fact that McDonald's, by law, only has to pay $5/hr.

If you utter the phrase "There ought to be a law" at least once a week.

If you have ever used the phrase "protecting prisoner's rights".

If you find yourself nodding vigorously and saying "someone finally said it right" during an episode of Oprah.

You call the execution of a homicidal maniac "murder" but call murder "pro-choice".

You've ever referred to the Military/Industrial Complex during a conversation.

You know you never laughed as a kid, the world was in just too bad a shape.

All of your 1970's "Beware of Global Freezing" signs now have "Beware of Global Warming" on the back.

Your friends told you how much fun you had at the Grateful Dead show, but your not sure what year you saw them.

You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating that your bags are subject to inspection.

You've ever argued that "you can't legislate morality".

Referred to the Founding Fathers as "those aristocratic, chauvinistic, lily white, slave owning, land stealing oppressors of indigenous personnel".

You argued that a few more months of sanctions and Sadam Hussein would fold like rookie poker player.

You know more than 2 people whom have a degree in "Women's Studies"

You've ever said "But look at all the good Ted Kennedy has done for the women of this country!"

You blame things on "The Man."

You believe that Bart Simpson only needs a little more affection.

You've ever stared at a wall and said "Now THAT is definitely man's inhumanity to man!"

You argue that the only flaw with Marx is that Russia was an agrarian society.

You've ever called the meter maid a Fascist.

You are giddy at the prospect of the return of bell-bottoms.

You argue that the Second Amendment only refers to federally organized militias.

You view Jane Fonda as a courageous heroine with strong convictions.

You view Hootie and the Blowfish as the bedrock of culture refinement for the 90 ,s.

After looking at your pay stub you can still say "America is undertaxed".

You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this".

You’ve ever referred to "the glass ceiling".

You know 2 or more people with "concrete proof" that the Pentagon is covering up: Roswell the Kennedy assassination the CIA‘s role in creating AIDS

You came of age in the '60s and don't remember.

You’ve ever owned a VW bug or ridden in a Microbus.

You own something that says Dukakis for President, and still display it.

You believe it because "Dan Rather wouldn’t lie about something this important".

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "is a victim of Draconian budget cuts."

You've ever argued that with just 1 more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.

You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.

You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.

You are outraged that Baseball Players make millions and the poor clerk at the unemployment office only makes 28 bucks an hour doing such good work.

You believe that an elected official attending religious services is a violation of the separation of Church and state.

You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.

You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.

You think that Al Gore macherena thing was a laugh riot.

You feel that Green Peace is misunderstood.

You keep your PC dictionary with you at all times so as not to offend.

You think communism will catch on once society has evolved.

You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on "Well, they ,re gonna do it anyway so....".

You’ve ever stated "How does what he does in his personal life have any bearing on doing his job?"

You don ,t understand all the commotion about Whitewater, Vince Foster, selling US foreign policy for campaign contributions, it‘s just politics, right?

YOU MIGHT BE A REPUBLICAN IF...

You think the rich don't get richer off people who have no money.

You've named your kids "Bif" or "<Substitute Name> the Second /Third or

Fourth". You've tried to argue that all of society problems are based on the fact that McDonald's, by law, is forced to pay even $5/hr.

If you utter the phrase "that liberal judge" at least once a week.

If you have ever used the phrase "protecting family values".

If you find yourself nodding vigorously and saying "someone finally said it right" or "ditto" during a broadcast of Rush Limbaugh.

You call for the execution of a homicidal maniac but call clinic bombings and shootings righteous.

You've ever referred to the Welfare State during a conversation.

You know you never laughed as a kid, your ties and turtlenecks were always too tight.

All of your 1970's "The Red Menace" literature you've replaced with the "The Gay Menace".

Your friends tell you how much fun you'd have at a Grateful Dead show, but you don't know who on earth would be gratefully dead.

You file suit against the school because your child learned about sex.

You've ever argued that "you can legislate morality" and that the prohibition would have worked.

Referred to the founding fathers as "god-fearing Christians" and have no idea what all those weird symbols are on paper money.

You argue that the United States had nothing to do with Sadam Hussein's rise to power.

You blame things on "femi-nazis".

You agreed with Dan Quayle that "Murphy Brown" glorified single motherhood.

You've stared at a wall and said, "Now THAT is definitely the solution to our problems."

You argue that the only flaw with Micheal Milkin was a lack of ambition.

You've ever called the meter maid a Commie.

You are terrified at the prospect of casual day at the office.

You argue that the First Amendment only refers to federally recognized speech.

You view Nancy Reagan as a courageous heroine with a strong intellect.

You view the Lawrence Welk show as the model and bedrock of cultural refinement.

After looking at your pay stub you can still say "I don't think my CEO is paid enough."

You've ever said, "We really should call the Christian Coalition about this".

You've ever referred to the "quota system".

You know 2 or more people with "concrete proof" that the Pentagon is covering up:

the missile downing of TWA flight 800

the torching of the Waco compound

the conspiracy to hand over the military to the United Nations.

You came of age in the '60s and confuse it with the 50's.

You've never owned a VW bug or ridden in a Microbus.

You own a picture of Reagan, and still display it.

You believe "The media is controlled by Hollywood."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "We don't need taxes because…"

You ever told a child not to watch Bert and Ernie "because they live together".

You've ever argued that with just 1 more year of prison that person will turn it around and get off drugs.

You think L. Ron Hubbard is a brilliant social commentator.

You want to keep count of how many people are in each racial or ethnic category.

You are outraged that the Owners have to pay Baseball Players millions and that there is a poor clerk at an unemployment office and that it's your 28 bucks that are paying that clerk by the hour.

You believe that a religious group influencing the election of a political official should still be exempt from taxes.

You believe a few hundred loggers can't find another career, but you believe even one month is too long a time for those on welfare to find another career.

You believe our government shouldn't do it because people aren't the same in Europe.

You wish Al Gore didn't know how to spell POTATO.

You feel that GOPAC is misunderstood.

You keep your Topping card with you at all times so as not to over-tip.

You think industry will stop polluting once we stop regulating them and allow them to evolve.

You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on "Well, but it's never been scientifically proven that…"

You're concerned about "What he does in his personal life.." but you think that the government is too nosy about your own personal life.

You never understood all the commotion about Watergate or the Iran Contra Affair, selling arms to an avowed enemy in order to subvert the Legislative branch, I just can't remember, right?