the UNO list!
"Smack my ass, HALLELUJAH!"
Half of these....no, more than half...most of these are inside jokes.
Just read ALL 469 of them!
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The items may not apply to everyone, and some may be shocked and appalled at what is included, but a beginning player cannot go wrong when employing these objects:
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~0~ toe ring
1. ODYSSEY 2000
4. bathtub (with feet) / 5. jar of sugar water / 6. pair of polyester pants
7. .3 oz sensual strawberry lip balm / 8. grape flavored all-purpose lubricant / 9. chocolate syrup w/ squirt top
10. whipped cream (aerosol can) / 11. primally ripe pears / 12. handcuffs (keys optional)
13. bricklayer / 14. Sarah's current flame / 15. chocolate frosting (heated in microwave)
16. baby oil / 17. red underwear (high-cut or bikini) / 18. leopard print boxers
19. challenges how-to manual / 20. years of practice / 21. Harvey Wallbanger (the drink, not the child)
22. Mariachi band (extra maracas) / 23. chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream / 24. wet lips (strawberry)
25. Robert Palmer CD / 26. Shaft! (he's a complicated man) / 27. maraschino cherries (in juice)
28. copy of "The Night of the Avenging Blowfish" / 29. eyeliner (crush with)
30. one pool table....with a cue....a broken one
31. tanning oil / 32. Robert Palmer (!) / 33. Phillip's screwdriver
34. Cake CD / 35. cassette tape of Mrs. Murray's lay/lie lecture / 36. whip and chain
37. boa (so you can shake your money-maker) / 38. shuttlecock / 39. fire extinguisher
40. book of quotes from Mr. Steele's board / 41. stopwatch (Lost World variety)
42. blacklight and flourescent body paints
43. fishnets with seam / 44. chocolate pudding (J-E-L-L-O) / 45. melted caramel
46. Peter Wolf CD (my blood runs cold) / 47. Q-tips / 48. blindfold
49. pad lock / 50. cameraman (with panoramic camera) / 51. latex gloves
52. honey natural bee / 53. Monte Carlo / 54. Bean Sweater
55. strawberry / 56. muscle relaxer / 57. blueberry Pop-Tarts
58. Super Soaker 5000 (fully loaded) / 59. pleather pants / 60. knee/elbow pads (helmet if necessary)
61. scoreboard / 62. magnifying glass / 63. duct tape (with reflective strip)
64. cattle prod / 65. loveseat / 66. rain hat and galoshes (squeaky)
67. colorful sprinkles / 68. one of those putt-putt windmills / 69. "Bootie Call" on home video
70. two-sided adhesive / 71. pinking shears / 72. adjustable full-length mirror
73. Icy-Hot / 74. florist's wire and tape / 75. four-poster bed with door beads
76. monkey wrench (ala Foo Fighters?) / 77. dipstick (or bent wire hanger) / 78. innocent virgin Cuban boy
79. AN EL CAMINO / 80. topsy tail / 81. Salt-n-Peppa (Push it!)
82. tight black dress (ala Robert Palmer) / 83. bucket of water (tepid) / 84. boa constrictor
85. spotlight / 86. Binaca / 87. chunky peanut butter
88. red corset / 89. radio turned to POWER / 90. 1967 Baracuda
91. Catwoman costume (homemade) / 92. grapes / 93. Show Choir shirt
94. high humidity level / 95. fire escape / 96. lawn chair
97. "Prince's Greatest Hits: Volume 2" (the only kind you come for) / 98. Slinky (real metal variety)
99. Steve Martin "Read" poster
100. silver lingerie / 101. open bustier / 102. chain underwear
103. burrito (in your pocket) / 104. red Mustang convertible (inside the room)
105. edible underwear (strawberry/chocolate)
106. kiwis and star fruit / 107. strawberry glaze / 108. chocolate popsicles
109. frozen orange juice (from concentrate) / 110. lemon (with juicer) / 111. "Purple Rain" on home video
112. top hat (ala Tom Petty) / 113. Xena: Warrior Princess costume
114. Mick Jagger singing "Wild Horses" live in the room
115. 8-inch stiletto heels, glittered (ala Tim Curry) / 116. the forbidden fruit (it could've been a banana!)
117. official rules from the Guiness Book of World Records
118. Sexy Ty life-size cut-out / 119. Show Choir masks (over blindfold) / 120. Meredyth handing us props
121. mosquito netting / 122. cotton candy, pink (ala Toni Braxton) / 123. Toni Braxton CD
124. Lycra track tights / 125. lion costume in "Like a Virgin" video, extra whisers / 126. green and muddy Jeep
127. map of Canada / 128. Dominic's corduroy hat (!) / 129. 5-iron
130. Jurassic Park soundtrack (ESTELLE!?!?!?!?) / 131. PM Dawn CD / 132. bedspread or a quilt
133. INXS CD / 134. Michael Hutchence singing "I Need You Tonight" live / 135. Werther's Original
136. Dorsey's FILA pants / 137. floodlight that could blind a deer / 138. Slip 'n' Slide
139. ice, tube-shaped / 140. Jergen's lotion / 141. chandelier
142. helmet-cams / 143. MR. BELVEDERE (clean-up crew) / 144. black leather masks
145. bike chain grease / 146. aquarium tubing / 147. MORPHINE, DAMMIT!
148. Mentos, cool mint flavor / 149. Fatigues / 150. llama
151. Giorgio Kilmer-Degeneres / 152. HRC / 153. Ian Malcolm doll (hot pocket!)
154. Nelson Mandela / 155. Chinese finger trap / 156. remains of Estelle's cut hair
157. apple used in Mrs. Murray's lay/lie lecture / 158. Mr. DeSantis's toupee / 159. Pop-Rox
160. Keebler elves / 161. Bean's squeaking balloon / 162. Bean's Doc Martens (das bootes)
163. light sabre / 164. Yoda (use the force) / 165. Leia's dancing girl costume
166. Jabba the Hut / 167. Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s Oscar / 168. Skience Juice
169. Roadmap of Bangor, Maine / 170. Roughing-It sheets / 171. wildebeest (MOO!)
172. Tigger doll / 173. Bounty double roll (to aid Mr Belvedere?) / 174. Harry from 3rd Rock (turkey! yams!)
175. Tommy, Missy's STALKER! / 176. Beanie Babies (much to Bean's dismay!) / 177. Chainsaw on acid!
178. Mr. Cheeseborough's CK briefs (Madeliene...!) / 179. Jessica Brede's saxophone / 180. Tiger Woods
190. giant velcro pad / 191. dead mockingbird / 192. unshelled sunflower seeds (extra sodium)
193. water wings / 194. Murray's TV, knobs on Headline News / 195. retractable pocket-sized tape measure
196. Polaroid / 197. Tic-Tacs (human maraca!) / 198. crack
199. porcupine / 200. megaphone / 201. brass knuckles
202. Jolt / 203. Sambas! / 204. empty cement truck to roll around in
205. Tupperware / 206. Farenheit 451 book (it's getting hot!) / 207. Oreos
208. 7-up Spot / 209. Novacaine / 210. two turn tables and a microphone
211. Gilad workout video ("Let's talk about positioning!") / 212. white balloons / 213. soft downy feathers
214. copy of "Hornius Caesar" / 215. orange hockey stick (proud to be a Canuck)
216. Emilio the black hockey stick (proud to be Hispanic)
217. THE Sexy Muffins / 218. a kindly old hippopotamus / 219. big bright green pleasure machine
220. German COOKIES / 221. YOINK / 222. Mike Palin
223. Bekah's vanilla "ice cream cone" / 224. hedgehog / 225. Kirk Pirlo's regurgitated bacon
226. 8-ball / 227. greased watermelon / 228. "Oo-ee-oo-ah-ah ching chang walla-walla bing-bang"
229. Lumberjack hat / 230. Michelle's JP card deck / 231. David Bowie in purple velvet pants (no socks!)
232. a hovercraft full of eels / 233. big pointy teeth (with hand signal) / 234. scratch 'n' sniff bee-kee-nee
235. Rachel's spiderweb dress / 236. a bucket / 237. SPAM!
238. milk and honey / 239. napkin dispenser (veeery full, McKenzie....) / 240. Frosty (no spoon!)
241. Lost World display / 242. Encyclopedia of Bad Taste / 243. kinky little sistah (wearin' rubber gloves)
244. spedometer / 245. sandbox / 246. Val's Batman suit (rubber nipples?!)
247. clogged water fountain / 248. Queen of France / 249. bar code reader
250. Will Smith's noisy cricket gun from Men in Black / 251. priestly white robes & a grossly oversized red cloak
252. Mrs. Mayle's spiritual music (gonna reach my heavenly home!)
253. Eccentrica Galambits, triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six
254. binoculars / 255. techno-magical orange sandals
256. electric keyboards / 257. black lace wings of a one-armed faerie
258. THE ELEPANT ELEVATOR OPERATOR
259. rat-bastard who stole Minnie's joystick / 260. staplegun / 261. a slur ("Meth' with the proth-eth'")
262. bigass bonfire to destroy the evidence / 263. neck brace / 264. Brisk shampoo
265. bubble wrap sheets / 266. Hershey's kisses / 267. saran wrap (at 2 in the morning?!)
268. "I'm a Freak/Freak Me, I'm Free" t-shirt / 269. extra WILD cards (with corners bitten off)
270. Body pillow / 271. David Bowie / 272. String Cheese
273. Harry's fuzzy coat / 274. 3D X-Ray Glasses / 275. Itchy the Eyeballs
276. Meteor / 277. Traffic cones / 278. Oversized orange leisure suit
279. Construction barrels / 280. Police uniform / 281. evil CHAIR
282. Lily's Jolt-soaked shorts / 283. Hubcaps (pointy kind) dangling from ceiling / 284. M & M's with grapes?!
285. One-way mirror / 286. FeTTy's green checked socks / 287. Finger paint
288. Double-headed shower / 289. purple bra / 290. Rachel's obscene (matching) shorts
291. Richard Simmons / 292. windshield wipers / 293. butler
294. Entire drum line (w/ drums) / 295. Ouija mouse pad / 296. Help Wanted sign
297. Quick and Bristol (?!) / 298. whoopie cushion / 299. "up and down and twirls around" office chair
300. Etch-a-Sketch / 301. street entertainer with donation box / 302. tapioca
303. Jack in the Box / 304. Val Kilmer in drag / 305. woofers and tweeters
306. bear claws with maple frosting / 307. Norm MacDonald's Weekend Update / 308. AntiHeroine's Dead Bear
309. Dr. Frankenfurter (in high heels) / 310. red & black boa / 311. Corn Dogg's "90" shirt
312. Riboflavin / 313. "hard drive" / 314. Doritos on the floor (crunchcrunch)
315. Tim Horton's Timbits / 316. MONGOOSE / 317. kelp
318. calamari / 319. Smurfette, the village concubine / 320. rubber garden hose
321. Mounties! / 322. Purity tests / 323. Bullet necklace
324. bug zapper / 325. Roget's Thesaurus (unabridged College edition) / 326. Zeek Pepe
327. Ping-Pong (no, table tennis) balls / 328. speakerphone / 329. easel (for fingerpaints?)
330. oscillation / 331. Highlights magazines (Goofus and Gallant!) / 332. Ferris wheel (full scale)
333. ceiling fan at full tilt / 334. economy sized Vaseline Intensive Care
335. "75 Spectacular Sound Effects: Vol. I & II" / 336. WD-40 / 337. vat o' margarine
338. Milton the Moose puppet / 339. bad case of whiplash / 340. corrupted horde of small children
341. Mexican jumping beans / 342. motion sensor lighting / 343. tongs
344. red "Master" switch / 345. HealthRider / 346. Hot Show Choir Richie and his pants
347. Robert Palmer dresses / 348. motor oil / 349. Laura's Current Flame (you're welcome)
350. rubber cement / 351. Phantom of the Opera sdtk. / 352. detached steering wheel
353. "Roll that beautiful Bean footage" / 354. "laptop" running Solitaire
355. Turnaround Turtle, also on "laptop" / 356. door-to-door meat salesman / 357. adhesive fly trap
358. Sheila the Aussie Dog / 359. DMB's Crash / 360. devil horns on red headband
361. RHPS tarp / 362. Bean's giant 4-inch heels / 363. penis sculpture from A Clockwork Orange
364. rubber ducky / 365. "Mind your Manners!" Corn-Dogg poster / 366. tongue depressor
367. mining helmet (w/ extra bulbs) / 368. Chinese Zodiac placemat (chopsticks included)
369. BIGDUMBSEX tattooed across chest
370. Legos / 371. The Jackrabbit rollercoaster / 372. Blow Pops
373. Wet Walnut blizzard / 374. a pig in a cage on antibiotics / 375. William H. Macy
376. husband w/ 3 testicles / 377. obscene goddess charm / 378. potted meat
379. Toby, speakers in his pockets / 380. springy playground animals / 381. Michelle's naked fairy
382. Young Republican membership card / 383. chocolate cream (an amphetamine) / 384. Holy Grail
385. a "condiment" / 386. SPORK! brigade / 387. Reeses pieces / 388. chaps & a saddle
389. Scantron grading machine / 390. snowglobe / 391. Duncan butterfly yo-yo
392. pacifier / 393. child safety seat / 394. Weenie Whistle
395. slap bracelets / 396. Neosporin / 397. Hungry Hungry Hippos
398. Clear Pepsi / 399. Spock ears / 400. shuffleboard court
401. rollerskates (ala Heather Gramm) / 402. velour / 403. coonskin cap
404. Girl Scout uniform / 405. air guitar / 406. Koosh animal (preferably lion)
407. Magical Show Choir sash-thing / 408. gas station pie, cherry / 409. microwave popcorn
410. a great deal of helium / 411. Curtis's khaki hat / 412. Pinochle deck
413. big fake rifle and/or cap gun / 414. Lenny Kravitz / 415. pocket dictionary of medical terms
416. cherry cordials / 417. FOPP / 418. Black Forest cheesecake
419. ska cover of "Like A Prayer" / 420. copy of The Catcher in the Rye / 421. mango sauce
422. Twisted Sister / 423. cashmere socks / 424. animal sponges from plastic pills
425. Puritan Bible / 426. Frugal Controversy / 427. mint green bass
428. wooden paddle carved w/ roses / 429. virgin groom of Elindale (ask Lilian) / 430. Wrestling Hawk
431. Big Daddy Poland / 432. Mama France / 433. Lil' Miss Holland
434. the red menace / 435. Transparency 42 (ala Hammer) / 436. Imaginary Pi
437. Mohiganette (dotdotdot!) / 438. Chewy and Obi-Wan singing "Fopp" / 439. overdisciplined Nano Baby
440. "Brick" lipstick / 441. "a big bright shining star" / 442. Beano
443. guy from Blue Moose's pink pants / 444. inflatable tyrant / 445. foil sword
446. milk carefully prepared on drum head / 447. SPACE MOOSE (not you) / 448. fake bird on a phallic stick
449. Hot Sam's cheese sauce / 450. doggie anti-scratching plastic shade / 451. Fem-Bot costume
452. twisted nail ring (ala Nick) / 453. mini-golf set carved from ice (thanks Brian) / 454. Benita singing "Sandy"
455. Bean's exploding shirt and/or dress / 456. Star Fleet Commander / 457. 2001 "space food"
458. Corn-Dogg surfin' w/ cut-offs / 459. R&B star Usher / 460. bus fare
461. turnstile / 462. leaf blower / 463. 5 bags of kitty litter
464. Official Harmonica World promotional tee / 465. drag queen wardrobe / 466. Robert Palmer thigh-highs
467. six-foot inflatable Twizzler / 468. trampoline
469. CAKE MIX
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Didya finish the WHOLE THING?
Yes
No
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Any ingenious suggestions?
Approximately:
visitors since 11 Oct 1997