Although this document has been studied exhaustively, there has yet to be any conclusions drawn from it. It is considered to be written in some kind of code. Up to this point, the code has not yet been broken.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, in the land of Hejiblandolikenfinstein (that's German for "place") lived two girls. One went by the name of Dutchlap (like the siding) and the other, Floorboard. One day Dutchy and Flora (their nick names...) were walking around the not-so-distant village of Pita (no, not the bread). Dutchy, who had recently survived a broken heart by a boy (who somewhat resembled a modern day Bill Cosby) was discussing her most recent love interest, a young Yeti by the name of Mike. Flora was (as usual) going on about a local boy who was notorious for always wearing "Spike" shoes......you know, that brand by Spike Lee that nobody buys. As they made their way along, they came upon a small elf. The elf proclaimed unto them, "Excuse me madam and miss, have you seen a hamster?" "Well," said Dutchy "back in Hejiblando.....you know, that town over yonder, we saw a hamster that resembled a rainbow trout. Is that the one you're looking for?" "No no no!" screamed the small elf, "Mine was black, but now is brown, for it was dropped in a pool of bleach when my lima beans were put to death!" "Didn't you drop a black hamster in a pool of bleach the other day, Dutchy?" Flora asked. And with that, the elf became enraged, waving his arms too and fro, screaming "With Bobo as my witness, he who plunged my precious hamster into the bleach pool will suffer, for I will avenge Whittenburg's death! With my stinky dispenser in my right hand, and my arrest warrant in the other......" But before he finished his sentence, he went gallivanting off towards Pita. But the small elf misunderstood the directions, and went head first off of a cliff. "Looks like rain. The clouds appear ominous today." Said Flora. "How art thou doing today, Dutchy?" Dutch replied "It's a beautiful day, not a cloud in sight, so I guess I'm doing alright." As they walked along down the road, they came to a fork. The road to the left appeared dark and foreboding, with dark, bare rotting trees, blackened grass, and smog under the thunder stricken sky. To the right, a clear blue, rainbow enhanced sky, fruit bearing shrubbery, and a bright array of tulips. "Definitely the left." Said Flora "Agreed." Said Dutchy, "The right is just too colorful and cheery." As they walked down the path they had chosen, suddenly, they heard the sound of hooves on a beaten path behind them. "Sounds like a goat!" said Dutchy. "No no, a chimp!" replied Flora. "No, really, it's a goat. I should know, I dated one!" They turned around to take a look. Dutchy then grabbed her head and screamed violently, "Mark my word, it's Bill Cosby the goat!" "By Golly, isn't that the very goat in which you dated?" Flora asked. "Yes! It is the same one! The one who ALSO dumped me! Quick, hand me a stick so that I may beat him within and inch of his life!" "Use the alley biscuit!" Flora chimed in. "Please ladies" the goat pleaded, "fulfill my last request before my untimely death. Allow me to partake of the grass over yonder across that bridge" the girls rolled their eyes in agreement and started toward that bridge. On the way, the goat kept trying to talk to Dutchy, making various passes at her. But she paid him no heed, for her mind was with her oh-so-dreamy Yeti in shining armor. But Flora kept the goat in line by reprimanding him with a large tree branch. As they crossed the bridge, approximately ten feet from finishing, a large troll crawled out from a tree trunk. Quite groggy and grumpy (and of course, wearing his "Spike" shoes), says "Man, what the #$%@ you doin' on my bridge boy?" Bill steps forward. "Don't be silly Christopher, it's just me." The troll, looking rather perturbed, picked up a paddle and severely beat the goat. Just as the goat was regaining consciousness, a large iron clad Yeti in shining armor came bounding out of the woods. "Why Dutchy!" Flora exclaimed, "is that your night on a genuine white horse?!" Dutchy, looking quite happy replied "Don't be silly Flora. He's on a white skateboard" "Why yes..." a rather impressed Flora said. "Yes, he is. How spectacular!" The night grinded down the narrow railings on the bridge to where Dutchy was standing. "My lady, would you consider coming to live a life of joy and luxury in my castle on the hill top?" the knight asked on bended knee. Dutchy of course said yes. As they were about to leave, The elf suddenly appeared again. Looking rather bruised and dirty, he proclaimed "I've got my hamster!" With that, he attacked the goat. The iron clad Yeti joined in, using his skateboard in a Bart Simpson fashion. Flora also joins in, saying "Die monkey! Die!" Bill Cosby the goat, feeling sad and distressed at all of their hostilities, runs off of a cliff with a group of rebellious lemmings screaming "Freedom!" As Dutchy rides off into the sunset with the knight, Flora sits down on a stump, feeling very happy for her friend, yet very alone. Flora, getting a sudden burst of anger, gets a bulldozer and digs up the stump in which the troll lives. She suddenly realizes she wishes to marry the troll. But when the troll asks for her hand in marriage, she says no. Realizing her mistake, she runs off of a cliff. Grandma Monkeyworth, seeing the whole thing, feels sorry for the troll and buys him a new pair of sneakers. The end.