by maggie
one day at the zoo, daniel, chris and ben were spraypainting on animal cages. "hehe, look at the peacock, chris. look at him, ben! he's all yellow now. he sucks my dick!" laughed daniel.
"hey, what's that? is it a camel on heroin or somethin'? asked ben. "no, you dumbass. it's a...uh... it's a - ," chris walked over to the plaque that explained the mystery animal. "it's a llama. it comes from south america, usually peru. see ben, this guy here doesn't have humps, like a camel does, and like what dani-boy does to sweep. sorry, mate i couldn't resist it."
daniel proceded to beat the snot bubbles out of chris. "i'll teach you about saying shit about me dog!! you know i love me dog more than i will ever love you!" chris cried out in pain "oh, my goatee!! you're pulling it out! stop!.... NOOOO!!!! not my sparse chest hairs, aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! stop it, dani, stop it!!"
while ben is watching this, he turns away and devotes his total attention to the llama. he decided that he needed a new hero, and that this llama would be a perfect choice. he got down on all fours, and began to chew on the grass.
"what are ya doin' there, mate? ya look like a bloomin' bovine, chewin' on the grass!"
ben looked up suddenly. he wondered who could be talking to him. "chris? dani? is that you?" he looked towards them, and found the two sitting on a bench, talking closely over an ice cream cone. "well," he thought out-loud, "i guess it ain't the love-birds... who in the fuck is it?"
"boy, why don't you answer me when i talk to you? you are being absolutely rude... and to think i was going to ask you for a date..."
"WHAT?!!?? a date? who wants a date? my name is ben gillies, i'm five-foot-something, i weigh 67 kilos, i enjoy water sports, i enjoy fishing, i enjoy playing my drum keet at home, i enjoy hanging out with my friends and just basically partyin' on man, yea!!" ben was ecstatic at the idea of a date. he would have gone out with anyone. since dani dumped him (and broke his heart by moving onto chris), he hadn't had a date.
"well, i'm glad to see that i'm finally gettin' noticed around here. nice to meet you, ben gillies. my name is lola. lola the llama. how'd ya do?"
ben thought to himself "ohmigosh, a girl. and she's into me. wow. this hasn't happened since... since... i don't think a girl has EVER been into me? what do i do? all i'm good at is asking for dates?" then he said to lola, "i'm good. even better since you've come into my life. so lola, what would you like to do on a date? i mean, i've never taken a llama out before. i'm up to do anything? would you like to go to the beach and watch me surf? i'm really quite good, not to toot my own horn... but i'll let you do that for me."
lola was swooning. all four of her knees were getting weak. she thought, "oh wow. he's a god on earth. i'm so glad that i started talking to him! yea me! i can't wait til we go to the beach!"
a few days later, ben returns home late in the evening. he has a mystical look on his face as he enters the room in a daze. daniel and chris realize that ben is home. chris wraps the comforter around him and he jumps out of bed. daniel stayed there, and shrieked "ohmigosh, ben! tell me all about it!! please, get your ass here so you can give me ALL the dirty details!..... don't even think about getting into this bed with me! i'm offended. remember: i dumped you three months ago. get over it!" ben sheepishly took the covers off him, and crawled onto the floor.
"well, let me say, it was wonderful. lola is so amazing. she is such a sport, she stayed there on the beach and watched me surf. and when i got back from surfin'... wow. it was just... wow. um, all i can say about that is; i'm a man now, dani-boy."
as daniel was lying there, listening to his friend rattle on about his hypnotic date, he realized that he missed ben. he really missed ben. he figured, "the only way to make him want me again is to get my own llama. of course i'd have to hurt chris, but that's okay. i never really liked him much, anyways... but oh, he has a cute ass!" daniel knew his mission.
daniel knew he had to get a llama of his own, even if it meant hurting chris. the next day he went to the zoo, in hopes to talk to lola. when he arrives at her cage, he whispers to her, in his best gillies impression. "hey hun... how've ya been since last we met? i've missed you so much my dear."
lola said, "baby! is it really you? oh, i've missed you to -- wait! this isn't my ben. who is it? tell me? who are you, evil imposter??"
"uh... don't worry baby. it's me. i've just got a cold. i musta gotten it after our time on the beach. but it's your benny-boy. honestly."
"i don't believe you! go away. leave me alone!" shouted lola. she spit at the poseur and the sticky liquid landed in his hair.
"eew!! oh fuck! f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck!! oh f*ck i can't even run my fingers through it! yuck, oh f*ck! i can't believe this!" shouted daniel. "i don't think i'll ever be able to brush my hair again"
"no, it's not lola. this is her sister, lauren. i've been watching you for a long time now, danny. may i call you danny?"
"uh, YES, of course you can. you can call me whatever you want... as long as you call me."
"hhhmmm, good. that's what i thought you'd say. anyways, i'm glad that i finally got the courage to talk to you. after lola started talking to that ben-person-thing, i realized that it was now or never. danny, can i lick lola's spit out of your hair?"
"y-y-y-y-yeessss"
(okay kiddies, i'm gonna leave this to your imagination. i don't wanna go there)
when he finally reaches lola's cage, after what seems like an eternity of waiting and worry, he hears a strange noise. a rustling in the bushes. "what in the name of all holy shit is that?" he looks around until he catches daniel's eyebrow piercing reflecting light from a nearby street light. "danny?! what the f*ck are you doing?"
daniel stops grunting [sorry again guys, we need the full effect here} just long enough to mumble "ben? what are you doing here?" daniel jumps out from underneath lauren and runs after his estranged ex-lover. then he runs back to the bush, remembering that he was nicky [for all those who don't watch rugrats, nicky means naked]. as soon as he had put on clothes and reapplied his makeup, he ran after ben again. "ben! ben, wait, stop!"
"what the f*ck do you want, johnsie? go away. i'm mad at you."
"benny-boy, wait. i don't love lauren. i was jealous of you and lola. i realized that i missed you too much. i couldn't live without you. i just started with chris to make you jealous, but it didn't work. i'm sorry. please take me back."
"well, i don't know. i'd have to think abo -- "
"NO!! don't think. just answer; yes or no."
"yes."
"i love you, ben. i truly do."
"i love you, too, danny."
the reunited loves embrace. when they let go of each other, daniel sees a frog. "eek! ben, save me! it's a monster! eeeekkk!!! help me ben help me. i'm so scared. hold me, ben, hold me now!!"
danny's love decides to kill the frog. luckily he happened to be wearing heavy army boots. he squishes it. :::splat:::
"oh looky, ben! a frog stomp!"
let me read more stories!
just as daniel was bitching about his new permanent hair style, he heard a noise coming from lola's cage.
suddenly ben wakes quickly from his sleep. "holy shit! somethings wrong with lola!! something's wrong with lola!! . . . . . chris, sweetie, you stay asleep, okay baby? i don't want danny to know that we were together tonite. i wouldn't want him to hurt you, okay?" he bends down and gently brushes his lips to chris's face. chris let's out a contented sigh. "bye bye benny. you were absolutely wonderful." [sorry guys, couldn't help this one.] ben slips out the door and heads toward the zoo.
THE END
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