As we left them, Daniel said his name was Fernandez Roberto and for the love of it, Skye believed it. Well Ben left off saying that it's Daniel
Skye: Oh, so your not...Ferdinane?
Ben: No, he is Daniel
Daniel: No I am not! I am....wait...yeah I am... nevermind :::smiles shyly:::
Skye: Ohhhh K
Chris was being pre-occupied by Maria who was babbling to him and Lyn who gave her a totally out of this world what the hell are you talking about look and walked over to me and Ben
Lyn: She is talking about some guy named Cortess from Spain!
Ben: Ohhhh cute!
Daniel: yeah, real cute...do you have lemon-lime fever nail polish?
Skye: we have anything you want!
Ben: I see things I want to purchase :::wink wink:::
Skye: uh yeah...well... um... uh.... I got to go wash my feet.... Ria take care of this, K?
Maria: K... she smiles...so... you guys want to work here huh?
1 hour later we have trained Ben and Daniel and Chris was just our front man.
Ben: K- chris, try this wig on..I want to see you as a blonde!
Chris: K.... but don't mess up my hair.
Ben: yeah alright..your hair. places wig on him and busts up laughing...Chris, you look absolutely devinnnneeeee!!
Chris: really? :::turns and strikes a pose::: do you really think so?
Ben: No, but you look funny! :::laughing:::
Daniel, getting jealous at all the attention Chris is getting and shoves him out the door wig and all
Maria: :::slapping Daniel::: Listen, you are really stuck up for doing that..one more time and that hair of yours wont be on your head anymore...not to mention how much your @ss will hurt when I shove my boot up it!!
Daniel: yeah well ....Chris always gets the attention around here Chris Chris Chris. He is sooo cute... soo cuddly soo this so that.... its pathetic!
Maria: NO, YOU'RE PATHETIC, AND A SNOB... GET A CLUE, BLONDY!
Daniel: Ugh.. I am getting migranes and cramps..I need some fresh air.
Lyn: Yeah... I'll say.
Chris walks back in tears: My elbow is bleeding.... is broken I want Khan I want my teddy...I want my .... my ..... my.... I want my KHAN!!! :::whimpers:::
Skye: let me see if Daniel can lose that temper and come back in... we don't need you guys fighting for this reason
Ben: you wanna wrestle??
Everyone rolls their eyes
Ben: well I didn't want to do it anyways...
Skye slowly heads to the curb where Daniel is throwing rocks in the street.
Skye: So.. do you wanna talk?
Daniel: Talk? No
Skye: Well you hurt Chris pretty bad...why are you so jealous of him?
Daniel: Because Ben likes him more than me...Ben doesn't like me anymore..I feel like.... my balls hurt now. That girl Maria better watch where she throws a brush next time.
Skye: well...we have a customer coming in and he wants to get a trim..you might want to reconsider.
Daniel: Ok but, can you .... you're cool.
Skye: I can be kinky if ya want...anything to cheer you up
Daniel: hehe...Ok I will come back.
Daniel and Skye walk in and see a broken bottle of yoohoo and Ben running in circles, snipping little areas of his hair.
Ben: Mammad mammda... mad man...ahhhhhhhhhhh
Chris: :::shivers::: row row row your boat gently down my stream..merrily merrily merrily merrily, sex is not a dream!!
Ben: stopping in a full length mirror..ohh baby..you look so good..you are sooooo hot!
Ben: well you aren't so bad yourself, sexy
Ben: wanna f*ck?
Ben: I'd be glad to...
Ben: K, let's go
he pulls the mirror in the back room and we here a clatter and he walks out minutes later, pulling up his pants.
Ben: Ben you were soooo good never had such good sex in my life..that was pure extasy. hehe :::hic::: hehe :::hic::: uhhh
he falls to the ground
I...am a flaboing doink hehe boing!
Chris: Ohhhh I wanna sex you up!
Daniel: see..he doesn't love me
Skye: he is on yoohoo...
Ben: I love you Daniel... how big is your shoe?
Daniel: why?
Ben: becuae I wanna know how many ballsssszzzz you gots :::hic:::
he laughs uncontrolably and starts hicuping and burping out of no where
Ben: ABCDEFGGGG :::breathe::: HIJKLMONPPPPPPP :::breathe:::
Maria: Ohh he is musical too
Lyn: and coordinated....
Skye: Ok ben, let's go
Ben: where are we going?
Skye: back room
Ben: oohhh I just had it done to me.... I am a little limp now thank you very much
Skye: Ben, you're never limp
Ben: how do you know?
Skye: because ...... I can see... I have X-ray vision
Ben: woahhhhh cool.
Skye: Yeah, back room, let's go
Ben: she like me.... he looks at daniel...no no (immatating him) I don't wanna go to a raping jail...no no no ahhhh :::laughing::: hic.
Daniel: :::in tears::: sseeeeeeee
About 2 hours later it is 1 p.m. and Daniel was trained and ready for his first customer. an old lady walks in as Daniel is cleaning all untensils... Ben is heard in the back singing 100 bottles of bear on the wall..and everytime one breaks, he yells out F*ck...me broke me fosters bear and burps.
Lady: I am here for an appointment for my hair to be colored into a nice brown...
Skye: sure, have a seat and you will be helped in a minute
Daniel: K, is it my time?
Skye nods
Daniel: hi, how do you want it!
Lady: pardon...
Daniel: how do you want it..your hair?
Lady: Oh young lady.... speak up I have lost my hearing in this ear
Daniel: I aint no woman....WOMAN!
Lady: oh dear... you're a boy
Daniel: MAN!
Lady: I think you need to do something with that hair!! You look feminine from behind
Daniel: why are you looking at my behind?
Ben walks out and bumping into the conversation. he sits on the woman
Ben: pet me please... Ria jumps up and pulls him out of there..while he yells back...I think hair club for men is down the road lady!
Lady: how rude...I am leaving.
Skey: why!! he is a little fumed....
Lady: drunk is mroe like it, good day
Daniel: no he had sex with a mirror so he is horny
Lady: what?
Daniel: horny, kinky....
Next Morning:
Daniel woke up all confident and happy
Daniel: ahh morning wood is a wonderful thing for a guy.
Mrs. Johns: Daniel.. GET IN MY ROOM NOW!!
Daniel: Mum I thought you said you would stop looking now that i am older.... it's embarrassing.
Mrs. Johns: NOW!
Daniel cupped himself and walked in totally unaware of her holding up his boxers under her bed sheets
Mrs. Johns: What is this doing here?
Daniel: Uh...:::think damit think::: I...uh..was jumping and they fell off??!!
Mrs. Johns: Get out of here and don't come back
Daniel glared at her cussing under his breath and walked away. Chelsea appeared behind him.
Chelsea: hahahahahahahahah you are an underwear-riding saggy bottom puke pot that harasses Chris all night on the phone!!
Daniel: Mum Chelsea is being a rat and listening to my phone sex...I mean conversations with Ben and Chris.
Mrs Johns: Chelsea..I told you not to tell him!!
Daniel looked in amazement and looked at Chelsea who ran off behind Heath who walked out of the bathroom singing "I wanna sex you up"
Daniel: heath can you get any dumber?
Heath: Yeah...I could be as trashy as you...but, I figured that is a stoop too low!
Daniel looked away....my family is turning on me and my friends, too. The phone rang and he ran to pick it up, hoping it was Ben or Chris coming to apologize because he sure as hell wasn't.
Daniel: hello?
Skye: hey, you are late for work, dude. what is up??
Daniel: Oh f*ck.... I am..!!! he hung up before she could say another word and picked up the phone realizing he did that
0: Operator: if you would like to make a call please hang up and try again
Daniel: Can you connect me back to that line
0: if you would like to make a call please hang up and try again
Daniel: Stop saying that and connect me damnit
0: If you would..........
he hung up and dialed 411
411: How would you like me to place your call...location please
Daniel: why did you hang up on me..I said to take me back to that line that called
411: I didn't talk to you
Daniel: all you operators suck..you lie!
411: How would you like me to help you?
Daniel: I don't need your help..... now put me back to that line
411: Dial star 69
Daniel: where?
411: on the phone
Daniel: which phone?
411: the one you're holding
Daniel: Ohhh where is the 69 button..hehe 69!!
411: :::cough::: whatever! It's 6 & 9, press those numbers
Daniel: :::beep beep::: it didn't work
411: No honey, hang up and dial star 6&9
Daniel: where is that star you talking about... there aint no star on my phone
411: bottom left
Daniel: that aint no star...
411: what is it then, smart-bum?
Daniel: uh..it's a bunch of lines put together
411: right! well there ya go
Daniel: thanks for that 69
411: Scuse me
Daniel: that 69 you gave me...
411: good bye :::hangs up:::
Daniel walks down to the hair salon after trying that star 69 crap...he dialed s*t*a*r and 6&9 but it didn't work...so he just hung up and went to work
Daniel walked in and there before him was Ozzy Osborne.. his mouth dropped
Daniel: ooozz....oohh... ahh
Ozzy: hehe...funny kid
Daniel: Mr. Bourn or Mr. Osbourne or Ozz or Ozzy or OO or OzOsbourne or the full name
Ozzy: Just call me Ozzy, kid
Daniel: Ohmigod...:::looks up in total awe::: I am standing in front of the man...he came to my job... I am going to cut his hair...I get to cut his hair. :::drool::: ehhh
Ozzy: Ok well I want you to trim it Ok..nothing big..I want my locks
Ben is seen from the corner and runs out to Ozzy's feet
Ben: Oh Mr. Osborne..you smell so good. may I kiss your feet?
Ozzy: Whatever tickles your pickle!
Ben: Oh wow!! (still high on yoohoo)
Ozzy: I think you should cut your hair boy
Ben: Yes sir!! He stands up and runs around growling and drooling. " I met Mr. Osborne. he let me smell his feet, YES!
Skye and Ria look at eachother. A tormented look cross their faces. They turn and look at Daniel
Skye: Daniel you have the honors of cutting his hair... Don't mess up, K!
Daniel: huh? I wasn't listening!
Ozzy: What harm could he possilbly do?
Skye, Maria, Lyn and Chris give eachother odd looks....
Skye: uh... (Daniel cuts her off)
Daniel: I can handle it..how hard can it be to cut hair...please. I cut my own hair.
Mr. Osbourne examines Daniels locks.
Ozzy: Nappy, yet satisfiying
Daniel: see?
5 minutes
Ozzy: Are you going to cut my hair?
Daniel: I...I can't touch it
Ozzy: is it that greasy?
Daniel: No...I must treasure it..I mean its Ozzy..I mean YOUR hair...YOUR hair..You're Ozzy Osborne...the great one
Ozzy: I know who I am and hair is dead, so cut it
Daniel: How much?
Ozzy: About an inch not alot..I don't wanna go bald.
Daniel: :::drool::: I can't..it looks wonderful the way it is
Ozzy: it's hair
Daniel: but its YOUR hair...Ozzy's hair
Ozzy: CUT IT, BOY!
Daniel: :::whimper::: Ok Ok.... you don't have to get finchy...it's just hair.
Daniel picks up a strand of hair and snips it..then another strand of hair, then another, and snips
Ozzy: I have tons of interviews, can you make it quick please.
Daniel: but, I don't wanna ruin it
Ozzy: you're ruining my day..cut it
Daniel: :::pout::: Ok, don't make me cry or my mascara will run and I won't look good for Ben
Ozzy: who?
Daniel: Ben... nevermind.
Skye: How is it going Oz?
Ozzy: S...L....O...W....!
Daniel: I can't do it... it's Ozzy's hair.
Skye takes the scissors and snips away.. Daniel watches in awe..
Daniel: you do it sooo fast
Skye: and its not the only thing I do fast, either
Daniel: :::quivers::: Ohh, turn on!
Ozzy: This is how you cut hair! Good girl!
Skye: Thank you
Daniel: NO!
Skye :::drops scissors::: WHAT!
Daniel: You cut too much...you shouldn't take more than 100 strands of hair
Skye: Let me do my job, please!
Daniel: Ok, can I cut it now?
Skye: you're too slow
Daniel: I will do it faster
Skye: really...meet me at my place tonight, K?
Daniel: I don't get it.
Maria started busting up laughing and helped Ben clean some hair tools
Lyn: Skye...he will never get it...he cuts hair one strand at a time...get a clue... but I could give him some pointers.
Skye: over my dead body.
Daniel: CAN I CUT IT...I mean his hair
Skye: (handing him scissors, Ben burps loudly and Ria starts laughing again.) Oh how easily amused we are Ria
Maria: Bite me!
Skye: We will let Ben do that
Ben looks at Ria raising his brows and grins widely..nice cheesy grin. and purrs..yumm yumm
Ria: Whatever..keep working
Ben: Hows about I work on you a little?
Ria: :::smiling::: How about you do your job and I will pay you?
Ben: hows about I pay you and you do YOUR job?
Skye: How about you keep it to yourselves while I work here?
Daniel: Oh wow, Ozzy's hair
Skye-Ozzy: JUST CUT, DANIEL
Daniel: K. Fine I am cutting...there....(he takes scissors and without looking takes a chunk of hair and cuts 2 inches off...we all look in terror Daniel snips away making weird faces and cuts)
Ozzy: OW
Daniel: What..I am cutting here
Ozzy: you almost cut my ear off
Daniel: OH MIGOD...YOU CAN SUE ME.... OH GOD DON'T BE MAD...PLEASE..I AM JUST A BOY
Ozzy: Just cut, I got 5 minutes
5 minutes later
Daniel, standing back in pure satisfaction. we look at ozzy with half his hair cut to the shoulder the other half in a bob
Daniel: haha look at ...........
Skye: :::cries out in horror::: Oh, no charge!
Daniel: see I can cut....
Ozzy: Oh god...AHHHHHHHHH :::runs out of parlor screaming::: MY HAIR..I LOOK LIKE A PANSY!
Daniel: what's his problem... does he have jock itch or something?
Maria: sounds like he needs gold bond.
Chris looks over and hold up a paper cut- out
Chris: The Jackson 5
Skye: Who is Michael?
Chris: the skinny one with no dick and he has half white face and long hair.
Skye: The others have fros
Chris: Yeah.... cool huh?
Skye: Aww your so cute
10 minutes later a new customer comes in and we give Ben a shot. Ben chops away
Ben: Oh, a little of this here and there...hehe I am madman..cutting hair...madman cutting hair..take that you fiendish devil. :::he yanks hair back to where the lady's neck is stretched out a bit to much and she is whimpering::: haha take that and that...:::snip snip::: and THAT! haha evil hair
He looks back in pure grace..then terror..it is ugly... man you got nasty f*cked up hair, woman
Lady: Ugh...it's gorgeous!
Ben: No, it looks like someone re-arranged your face and stuck your hair in an electrical socket. It's horrible
Lady: I love it!! here is a $20 tip, young man..you will make money
Ben; I am a failure
Skye: Ben, she loved it..you're a natural...
Ben: hmmm, I wanna cut my hair..
Daniel: NOOOOOOOOOO don't cut it Ben...let me do it
Ben: Why? you made ozzy look like the rear end of grandma after nasty bum surgery
Daniel: :::in tears:::Ben, please
Ben: NO, my hair..he takes a snip and it falls to the floor
Daniel picks it up and looks at it. He puts it in his pants and sighs....
10 minutes Later another customer comes in and Daniel walks over...she tells him she is looking for the French hair dresser Benjaaamen. Ben walks over with his hair in a ponytail greased back with a pipe in his mouth a red sequenced robe and flip-flops. He rips his robe off and is there..topless..puts on music takes his hair out headbangs for 5 minutes... sitting in undies a tool belt with hair untensils and snips away
Ben: Voila! he looks over... man your hair is nasty looking, now
Lady: It's absolutely marvelous. boy, here is $10 tip
Ben: You look like you got pubes for hair....
Lady: It's so lovely and chic
Ben: You smell, get out of here...
Daniel is mumbling in the backround crying slowly Take the time to learn to hate.... we look over and Lyn tends to him.
Ben: woo is me...I need a new act...hold on
Skye-Maria: NO we like this one....very suave
Ben: you think...:::poses::: Maybe I should try something else
10 minutes later a grumpy old hairnet woman comes in
Lady: I need Ben 007 for my hair today...I want it colored please...I am going to a Yanni concert and want to look just right
Music from jock jams starts up and Ben walks out, dribbling a basketball and in basket ball pants...he does a pelvic thrust and wobble butt turn bop and sits her down dancing around her. She giggles and puts her head in the sink..he washes away singing to her and flexing.... and Daniel starts singing verses from Israel's Son. Lyn couldn't do anything...he was soo spaced out and he screams.... Hercules...Mighty Hercules...wherefore art thou? Romeo...it is Juliet... the fiar pussy cat..meow meow...
Ben thrashes her hair, adding many dyes... when she is up and at em on the chair..ben rips off his basket ball button down pants and starts dancing from exotic areas... he grabs his balls and does the Michael Jackson and Daniel busts up crying...I will cut your hair ben..I will..and you will love me forever when I do........!!!!!
Ben snips away at the woman, humping her chair and making her fall foward.
She is done and he looks at her in disgust.
Ben: Woah....
Lady: Ahhh .... I love it..I never new a woman my age could have Blond Red Black and Brown hair all at once..you are a genius..I am recommending you to my Daughter, Casaundra.
Ben: Nasty hair lady.. you look like a skunk...worse yet...the backside of a hairy bear..
Skye: She likes it (the lady hands ben a 50$ tip and we all look at him amazed)
Ben: What can I say.... I am on a role
Chris looks up: Look, the acropolis...and I also made these...he says holding up a medusa..a paper cut out of everyone on the job Khan which he put hearts on and a tree, the virgin mary, naked woman... Khan naked no fur, and a cicada.. all famous art works transfered to paper
Chris: this is my latest... ballz a la mode
Days and Days later this total talent for hair develops to a new point where we are booked weeks ahead for hair appointments...and everyday Ben puts on a new act. We had a teenie here and Ben managed to be sooo BUFF that she fainted and ran out screaming atop her lungs in pure joy as he came out in a thong banging a drum attached to a belt and asking her to shake his tambourine.
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