Daniel came out of the closet later and looked around. The store was dark and gloomy. He looked around and called out to Skye, Lyn, Ben, Chris, and Maria. No answer
Daniel: ah, f*ck it.... (he sat down and spun around in the spinny chairs faster and faster till his hair covered his face in a swirl) Weeeeeeeeee!
Daniel: this is fun....but me....(he gets up all dizzy and faints to the floor thinking he should of eaten more because he gets sick when he doesn't) by accident, his head hits the counter and he falls to the ground. He is so light that you can't even hear a thud.
dreams
Daniel cruises around in a pink mustang down to the beach. He notices a hitchhiker riding along and sees that its BEN
Ben: Can i have a lift, gorgeous?
Daniel: Ben, get in now
Ben: Ben ....who are you talking about? I am Prudince... I am an exotic dancer and i need a lift to Violent Violets hair salon to chop me hair off for tonight's party
Daniel: (confused) Ben, it's me!
Ben shrugs, putting his hand on danie'ls waist
Daniel: AHHHHH, DON'T TOUCH ME...GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY POCKET
Ben: Ok fine. Just trying to make you feel confortable (giggle)
Daniel fixes his pants and notices that he is in red satin bell-bottoms, a matching button down top only in red silk and satin black shoes. he looks up in torment and drives on.
Ben: So..what is your name?
Daniel: Dan....Fernandez
Ben: Oh...Ok
Daniel: me real name is Daniel and I am a virgin..I mean from Virginia. Yeah.......
Ben: Why are you in Australia..you know you look like the guy from sliverstool....or something...you're a virgin...LOL .hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha Mr. Inexperienced, LOL. hahahahahahahahahah
Daniel: so...so...I didn't do it yet..what is your point?
Ben; why are you so skinny?
daniel: I am a vegitarian
Ben: is that a dinosaur?
Daniel: No...nevermind
Ben: (looking around) sooooo.....:::trying to kill the silence::: do you uh...... have a boyfriend..I mean girlfriend?
Daniel :::smiles::: yeah..i mean NO..well yeah..it's you, I mean Ben, but he is mad at me
Ben: Why?
Daniel: because he thinks I am cheating on him but I am not.
Ben: Oh...Ok
They go down the road and continue to drive when a figure apears in the middle of the street.
Daniel: CHRIS........!! he pulls over and runs out Ben...er..Prudince looks at them
Daniel runs over to Chri, who is huddled in the corner
Chris: GRRRRRRRRRRR :::bark Bark bark....ggrrrrrr:::
Daniel: Chris, it's me..he looks down and sees him holding a teddy bear that is torn. Daniel manages to pull him into the car. Chris is howling at the moon. his head out the window. He isn't clothed...totally naki. Ben looks back, turned on.
Ben: You have a nice arse, chris.......:::kinky smile:::
Daniel: :::mummble mummble::: always chris, always. never me, never.
Ben: Man, you are suave...hehe, wanna dance later?
Chris gets up and licks ben... then he puts his head on his lap and falls asleep.
Daniel wipes his forehead and notices blood on it. he cries out and Ben starts teasing him
Ben: weenie..you baby..you're stupid..it's only a little blood
Chris: GRRRRRRRRRR bark growl
Daniel gets sooo mad at all this that he pulls over.
Daniel: get out of me car, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ben: I was only kidding...
Daniel: get out get out get out get your hard bum out of me car, now. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ben: No, you're taking me to get my hair cut!!!!!!
Daniel: Get out...fine you want a haricut..FINE!!! Daniel jumps out of the car and takes sheers and runs over to Ben in the pouring rain. His hair nappy and drenched and an evil look on his face. chris whimpers and hides in the back. Ben tries to get out
Ben: Get away from me, devil woman!!
Daniel: come here
he yanks ben by the hair and pulls him out of the car. Ben screams loudly and is feisty..and Daniel begins chopping his hair. The scissors wear down and he runs to the car and pulls out the razor....shaves his head.
Daniel: You like that don't you...PIG BOY.... FAT BOY WAIT TILL TOMORROW hahahaha HATE IS WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU & I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I WANT YOU DEAD. YOU'RE LATE FOR THE EXECUTION..IF YOU'RE NOT HERE SOON I WILL KILL CHRIS INSTEAD. TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN TO HATE...COME AND JOIN THE MASS DEBATE..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH :::shave shave:::
ben: :::crying::: you hurt me....owie....you meany. Ben manages to get up and runs away crying and disappears. Chris slowly gets out of the car and sees daniel glaring at him, whimpers, and runs away. Daniel starts crying and walks in the middle of the road.
Daniel: life sucks!!!! He sees and oncoming truck and sits in its path
my suicidal dreams voices telling me what to do.......:::smack:::
Daniel wakes up:
Down the street, Daniel dials home
Daniel hears the dial tone and dials the crisis hotline
In the distance they hear a girl yelling STOP NOW..and a bark growl and pant. Skye gets up. Seanna is being pulled by Chris, who is coming straight for Skye..she screams. Daniel gets up and pushes her out of the way and Chris knocks into him and drags him literally across the entire block of concrete and stops. Daniel goes flying into a pole and hits himself there!!!!!
Later on:
We take the pained Daniel back to our apartment where lyn and Ben are watching beavis and butthead and Ria is on the elevators pressing ALL the buttons going up and down. Ang walks in carrying a ton of groceries.
Everyone leaves and Daniel limps over the the fridge. His eyes attach to a beer bottle
let me read more stories!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!
Ben: LOL hahaha did you see him ..hehehe
Chris:( eating a lollie).... Tastes like chicken...he begins to feed his belly button. here, eat eat...hurry now.... give me..I want some too!!!!!!
Skye: you ok......?????
Lyn: ::: rolling on the floo::: daniel, how odd you are
Maria: Feisty, isn't he..
Daniel: UGH!!!!!!
Daniel: Bennnnnnn....don't you think that dream means something? I mean, it was about YOU!
Ben: :::giggle::: You were thinking about me at night! Daniel...did you have a wet dream?
Daniel: No...(mummbles bellow breath) yeesssss..
Ben: Oh...ok well then....uh.... I have to go to uh......out somewhere!
Daniel: where?
Ben: NOWHERE!!!!!
Maria: Hey Ben, you ready?
Ben: :::drool::: Yeahhhh!
Daniel: DICKHEAD!
Ben: I am sorry if you're jealous, but you're just not horny enough!
Ria: Ben, what are you getting at?
Skye: :::peaking out through backroom::: He is calling you a horny girl Ria...I am not surprised! hehe
Ria: Oh stuff a sock in it!
Daniel: I am going to stuff my boot up your arse if you don't shut up!
Ria: Uh....yeah....WHATEVER!
Ben: I like it when you get mad.....it's just a turn on the way you......:::grrr::: want to see what it does to me!
Ria: No....!!
Daniel: Oh, it's nothing extraodinarily BIG anyways! You couldn't scare away an ant with that.....thing! Oh wait, yes you can!
Ben: Hey...now don't make me tell them that time in England when you.....
Chris: Black and White aren't colors..they are shades of light! Lip is either of the upper or lower fleshy structer surrounding the opening of the mouth. Circumcision is a surgical removal of the foreskin of the......
Ben: Chris knows how to be intellectual!
Daniel: it's intelligant, dipshit.
Ben: PMS Daniel?
Daniel: More like BMS...Ben's major SHIFT
Ben: FINE...YOU KNOW WHAT...... I ....
Daniel: What are you going to do, sit on me...????????
Ben: ::sniff, pulls Ria up to him and kisses her::: THERE!
Daniel: ::eyes watering::: You suck...... dude...... I...hate you!!!!!!!!!!!! I quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Skye: Daniel!!!!! No!!!!!!!!!!! Ben!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ria, don't go anywhere, this isn't right! I need you here...if you don't stay who is going to....oh nevermind..we just need you guys.
Ben & Ria: Why?
Skye: Ok fine, I guess I will handle this myself.
Chris: Nocturnal emissions are involuntary release of semen during sleep...usually linked to an erotic dream!
Daniel Ben Skye & Ria: Chris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chris: WHAT! Fine....:::sits on floor and makes...uh snow angels...or tries gurggling and drooling:::
Daniel: F*ck you all...
Ria: Oh...Ok....
Skye: Wha?
Daniel: Well....except you, but........(walks out of salon..skye follows him) I ....... I thought you loved me, Ben
Ben: Well I don't..... Ok......I DON'T
Daniel: Chris??
Chris: 2+2=4, 4+4=8, 8+8=16, 16+16=32, 32+32=64
Daniel: Chris, what about that time when me and you played spin the bottle and the closet game? Didn't that mean anything?
Chris: I thought it was only a game???? You taste like shampoo, anyways.
Daniel: doesn't anybody love me???????
Ben: No...not really....you're too skinny. I feel like I am hugging a pole
Skye: you hug poles?
Ben: yeah.... they are hard
Daniel: I think I am going to die now!!!!!
Ben: Man, what is up his bum!
Chris: Underwear...possibly tighty whities. Morning wood is lovelier...the second time around...Jock itch hurts a lot and so does your blue balls.....................................
Ben: God man, now I am hungry..I am going back to the hotel.
Ria: What about me???????
Ben: What 'bout you?
Ria: :::slap::: PIG!!!!!
Ben: Oh damn!
Chris: Beat me!!!!!!!!!!
Ben: Do you have to go to the bathroom?
Chris nodds harshly. Suddenly Seanna walks in
Seanna: SKYE, RIA.....OH MY PEEPS HOW ARE YOU......HOW WAS MY VACATION? OH IT WAS THE.......SKYE? RIA? ELLO? Fine..don't listen to me. (looks down and sees chris sniffing her shoes)
Seanna: Hello??????????
0: If you would like to make a call please hang up and try again!
Daniel: No..this is me last quarter you money bagging devil woman!!!!!!!!!!
0: If you would like to make a call please hang up and try again!
Daniel: F*ck you dang operatorials. You suck....man...now how am I going to get home. me legs hurt and it is raining and me mascara will run. Might as well stay here.
0: how may I assist you in the phone service?
Daniel: Can you get me mum?
0: do I know you?
Daniel: are you the operator
0: yes
Daniel: then get my mum, lady
0: I need the name
Daniel: MOM....M-O-M
0: that won't help me at all...give me a name
Daniel: Jo
0: Jo what?
Daniel: Jo......hoe
0: Is this a prank, young man?
Daniel: No..I need my mum
0: well dial 411, maybe they can help you..better yet dial the crisis hotline
Daniel: Ok what is the number?
0: 1-800-my crisis
Daniel: where are the letters?
0: On the phone
Daniel: all I see is numbers
0: look at the LITTLE thingys
Daniel: Oh, the ABC's!!!
0: yeah, now spell out crisis hotline
Daniel :::dialing:::
0: Not while I am on the phone
Daniel: then hang up
CH: (crisis hotline) Hello, crisis hotline
Daniel: Hi, I have a problem, a CRISIS
CH: what is your crisis?
Daniel: it's a problem
CH: and what is that? Is it serious?
Daniel: YES, how did you know?
CH: that is what I am here for
Daniel: Groovy...well ok I need you
CH: excuse me...are you being raped young lady?
Daniel: LADY!!!!!
CH: You're a guy!!!! Oh I am soo sorry :::giggle:::
Daniel: you better be...well here is my big problem
CH: Ok
Daniel: Ok, well I am standing in the rain and my mascara is running and I need a ride home, so can you dial my mum for me?
CH: is this a joke?
Daniel: No, I need me mum now
CH: uh ok hold on........:::beeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp:::
0: if you would like to make a call please hang up and try again
Daniel: F*CK, NOT YOU AGAIN. Man why do you always call me back and say the same thing over..you must piss a lot of people off.
0: if you would like to make a call please hang up and try again.
Daniel takes the phone and hits his head on it hard 5 times
Skye: :::gasp, pant::: Daniel..I looked everywhere for you.......... :::collapses in mud::: We have to talk, NOW!
Daniel: Why? Ben just has an attitude and well I just wanted him to pay more attention to me and all. But he isn't..he hates me and I thought we were good and all! I even bought a silk nightgown for him...ALL for HIM
Daniel: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seanna: Oh, ouch
Daniel: Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh :::holding himself in utter terror::: It got cut off..me balls are missing..oh god, they popped. oh help me, it hurts.
Daniel lay curled up in the corner, groaning.
Seanna: AS IF!!!!! Not like you have anything WIDE enough, babes!
Daniel: waannttt...ttoo.........................................seee
Seanna: hehe Ok
Skye: Later...now how are we going to.........
Teeneis: AHHHHHHHH, HE IS ON THE GROUND! GET HIM!!! :::SQUEELLLL:::
Daniel: MUMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY
Chris: :::running in circles::: hide hide hide hide hide hide hide hide hide hide hide hide hide hide hide!
Seanna: AHH! we have a major problem
Skye: EKKK
Teeny 1: Grabs Daniels leg and drags him
Teeny 2: Grabs Daniels hair and drags him
Teeny 3: Grabs Daniels shirt and pulls
Teeny 4: Grabs Daniels other leg and drags him until he is literally being pulled in all directions. They all yell that he is theirs N' they found him first when Skye and Seanna bust in.
Skye: Ok, bust out before my boot goes somewhere it doesn't belong
Teeny 4: yah right..what are YOU going to do.
Skye: GRRRRRRRR
Seanna: don't mess with her doggy...she is mean! Oh, where did you get that TACKY I love Gavin Shirt?
Teeny 4: like, the mall!
Seanna: " Like the mall...Like..eheheheheh" :::valley girl voice:::
Teeny 3: Uh Ok...
Teeny 2: EEIIKKKKKKK I am touching him....he feels good!
Teeny 1: :::crying::: marry me, please!
Skye: he can't...uh........
Teeny 4: Why not????????????
Daniel: uh......:::whimper::: cause they are my wives! Yeah!
Teeny 2: What?? :::in torment::: you're not married
Daniel: yes I am...... we have 6 kids and a dog and a nice house and a salon we work at together. and I make erotic movies and dance a lot and like to do the pelvic thrust and
Seanna and Skye cover his mouth
Teeny 1, still crying: Oh no.....:::runs away towards a cliff::: Why did you steal him..me and Daniel were destined for each other
Teeny 4: Woah you have a name. I always thought it was frogstomp or something
Daniel: Uh.....Ok....well I have to go cook ravioli for dinner, I have to go. Ya know it takes a while to make it just right with the special sauce that turns it blue :::whine::: I bet I am blue now!
He takes little steps in pain
Chris follows him, sniffing his pants, and the teenies follow Chris
Skye: WAIT.....you can do something with Daniel
Daniel & Teenies: HUH!?
Skye pulls in ropes and a board. Lays Daniel on the board and ties ropes to teenies. Takes the board, putting it on a horse buggy, and leaving the horse. Puts Chris in and Seanna jumps in the driver seat. Seanna helps tie teenies to the front and whips them. They begin to run in all directions when she whips again they zoom strait ahead.
Seanna: Look........... I CAN WHIPEEEEEE
Skye: LOOK a teeny -mobile..hehe
Seanna: Woah....and we don't have to pay
Daniel: I am hurting
Chris: HOWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLL :::looks in sky:::
Ang: COMPANY!!!!! :::SQUEEL::: Can I have a party perrttttyyyy pleaseeeeeeeee!!!!!!
Skye: Ang, Daniel hurt his nads. we can't have a "party" now
Ang: Oh, how did he do that?
Daniel: ask chris...he poled me
Ang: Oh wow...did it hurt...was it hard..did it make you BLEED are you in pain..I like PAIN
Skye: ang, what are you on?
Ang: a chair, woman, shut up..I am trying to hold an intelligant conversation with Daniel!
Daniel: :::stuffing his face with veggies::: Ok well, uh :::chomp chomp chomp gasp chomp breath chomp::: itohurtsssaslotss
Ang: Oh, are you using ESP or something?
Daniel gives her a look
Ben: Oh, is that a sex position. I read it in pent house
Ang: hehe NO....
Skye: well we are all going out for a walk..Daniel you wanna come?
Daniel: naa..I will stay here and watch the tele for a while
Skye: Ok
Daniel: foo....foooss....foossttrr...foosters....fosters...fister?
He picks it up and opens it and guzzles it down
Daniel: groovy
He guzzles another and another and another and another
Everyone walks in and we find Daniel dancing in flair pants and a halter top. he is doing the cabbage patch and running around in circles, trying to dance. He spazzes out and we notice that his hair is Pink and he has mascara on his eyes and, A LOT of eyeliner on
Daniel: YEAH! I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it..come on baby do it with me...... lets do the nasty dick shack twist!
Ang: ohhh, he is drunk & horny.... I am not that coordinated
Skye: me neither..Daniel, teach me
Lyn: hehe, look! Chris is biting his leg
Ben: Daniel, why are you doing this.......dude you drank 10 beers!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cool, he is going to hurl!
Seanna: Oh god...I hate vomit...
Ria: COOOOLLL, that kicks... I hope it's purple..purple is cool. His hair is pink though...that is clashy major..but purple puke is cool!
Skye: hehe this is cool..
Ang: hehe yeah...DRUNK men rock
Ben: Ok Ok just because he is drunk doesn't mean you have to pay attention to him!
All of us: Ben, its funny
Daniel: Bennnnnnngggiiii Benji Benji...Ben-dover.....Ben-gay.....
Ang: haha he called Ben gay. Ben, are you Gay?
Daniel: :::walks up to Ben and punches him::: Ben is a ffffaggottttttt...he wears tighty whities and he sings BARNEY
Ang: Ben, you're not going to take that from HIM, are you?
Daniel: that is Mrs. Him to you, Missy........Mrs. Piggy rocks...Ben-gay
Ben :::fuming::: I will show you ben gay...
He pulls daniel down and wrestles him to the ground. Daniel's face turn red and he punches back.
Daniel: punk... AHHH don't touch me there, pervert!
Ben: Take that and that!
Punch shove push bang boom smack
Daniel's face turn green and he leans over. He runs to the balcony and hurls.
SCREAM......
Girl: ahhhhhhhhhhh its raining vomit. OH WOAH, IT'S DANIEL.....
Ang: Oh, he is getting his guts riggin out
Skye & Seanna: Uh...we have to go out now, bye bye!
Lyn: Oh damn, it's green and yellow..how clashy.
Her and Ria lose interest and sit on the couch and watch the tube. Daniel comes in and wabbles towards ang flinging his arms around her.
Daniel: hold me
Ang: Ok
Daniel: mommy!
Ang: yeah honey...lets go for a walk K?
Daniel: I want to die... :::hiccup::: yep yep wanna have sex then I want to swim, then I want to use mums vibrating bed and want to sleep forever!!!!! :::hic:::
:::theme music plays:::
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