Some Thoughts...
The following article appeared in 86PoP #3, September 1997.
Sometimes I wonder why I still bother calling myself a punk. What does the word punk really mean? It depends on the context, the speaker and the audience, the year...lots of stuff. Some of the style and music of those who called themselves punk reached a peak of popularity in the early part of this decade . I remember feeling resentful as its acceptance rose. Punk had been my refuge from the world, my wall that kept outside forces at a distance and that told others that there was a line between me and my set of values and the majority in our sick society. I stood helpless as the media picked up each of my bricks and passed them out to every trendy in America. So what is punk now to most people? I guess they see it as an old fad, one they've sucked the juice out of and left to the side. It's not a threat to the status quo, it's a just a cute style.
I don't feel resentful anymore though. The changing meaning of the word has compelled me to think about myself in relation to mainstream society in new ways. I don't want to just separate myself from it anymore. Those days spent sealed off in the world of a smoky garage full of smelly kids talking about how f*cked up everything is are over. You can't live apart from the majority in peace for long. Fucked up shit happens; conflicts inevitably arise and who do you think is gonna win?
The wall is gone, the "room without a window", as my friends and I used to call it in more that a mere reference to a song, has been torn down. I'm not trying to hide anymore, instead I've decided to be myself and to use my voice, regardless of whether or not anyone listens or cares. The so called "break" of punk allowed me to reconsider my goals and my place. To me punk is finding my own meaning, choosing my own way, deciding for myself what's important in life and then living by that despite society's hostility toward such things.
come see how exciting life is since I moved to San Antonio
oh, you want to go home?...fine then