by me :P
Daniel, Chris, Ben, and Watson are in the Sydney International Airport awaiting the arrival of two lucky contest winners who have won a trip to Australia to get to spend time with you know who. It's 8:00 on a Thursday morning and the boys are very drowsy.
Ben: Aw d*amn, Watto. It's f*cking 8:00 in the morning!
Daniel: Yeah, I want sleep. Let's ditch these Americans.
Chris's face is pale and pasty and his lower lip trembles.
Watson explains to them their duty as international rockstars while two young girls from buttf*ck, USA noisily exit the airplane, their first ride.
in unison: Ohmigod! My hair! (patting their huge frizzy fros down to a minimal frizzy fro). I have to re-apply me make-up!
They both whip out chartreuse eyeshadow kits. They then whip out matching Jungle Fever red lipsticks and vigorously rub it on all over their eyelids. They finish up and strut into the waiting room.
Daniel groans: It came from the 80's!
Ben: Hey, look at that! Real live freaks, wearing stonewashed jeans. I didn't know they still sold those things. Whoa, are those birdnests on their heads?
Daniel: No, bird-brain! That's their hair!
Chris stares straight ahead.
The teenies spot an unfortunate, blonde, Australian girl around 20 and shriek and run to her. They drop to their knees and scream, "Oh my God! You're so hot! F*ck me now!"
The girl looks down at them in shock. "What? What is your problem?" and promptly knees them in their stomach. The two girls fall over and get back to their feet, looking around the room for another blonde head to attack and foaming at the mouth.
"Oh my God, it's him!" They run over to Daniel and drop to their knees, screaming, "F*ck me now, you hottie, you!"
Daniel rolls his eyes in disgust and tries to unwind their arms from his legs.
Ben: I'll f*ck ya now.
One girl stands up and says, "You're kind of cute. Are you silverchair's roadie?"
Ben looks at her, surprised at being called "silverchair's roadie." He doesn't know quite what to do and scratches his head.
When the other girl realizes Daniel is not going to f*ck her at that moment because he didn't fall in love at first sight, she walks over the Chris. "Are you silverchair's brother, Sweep?"
Watson hides a smile behind his hand and Chris breaks out of his trance and his eyes focus on the girl. His eyes widen and he opens his mouth and screams. He runs away wildly, tearing at his clothes and screaming. Daniel and Ben exchange surprised glances and run after Chris, who is halfway to the baggage claim area.
the teenies: Oh, wow. Look at that bod.
Ben and Daniel make a dive at Chris' naked form and take him down. He
fights wildly, kicking Daniel.
Ben: Daniel, leave it to me. You're too damn weak to do anything.
Daniel knows it's true and backs off, rubbing his arm furtively. Ben and Chris are struggling with each other on the floor. Ben manages to tackle Chris as Watson jogs over and Daniel and Watson procede to re-dress Chris in the midst of curious on-lookers.
In the limo
Daniel: Watto, ya know we hate limos. F*ck!
"Stuff it, Daniel. They won a big contest. There we go," he says as he finishes strapping Chris in.
Daniel says to Ben: Shit, I didn't know Khan was missing. I'd die if me Sweep was gone.
Ben: Yeah, I bet you would.
Daniel: Are you being sarcastic?
Ben, innocently: Me? No not at all!
Daniel glares at him. They're stuck in the back with the two teenies, Tina and Giselle. Watson is in the front, keeping an eye on Chris. He turns around, trying to make friendly conversation. "So, girls. How did you win the contest?"
Giselle: Well, we were in the music store to get the Spice Girls cd (pained looks cross Daniel and Ben's faces) and we, like, saw a picture of the blond guy and wanted it. The guy said it was for a contest to meet him so we, like, signed our names and stuff."
Tina has an idea strike her pea-sized brain. She turns to Daniel "Is like, your real name silverchair? I mean, it's like, so exotic!"
Daniel looks shocked and opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Ben is rolling around, laughing. "That's got to be the most f*cking stupid question anyone's ever asked me!" he manages to splutter out.
Watson gives him a warning look and says "That's Daniel and Ben, and this is Chris. They're silverchair."
The teenies look confused and their brains are struggling to comprehend.
"But I thought he was silverchair," Giselle wails, pointing at Daniel.
both: "What's going on? I just don't understand!"
Daniel rolls his eyes:F*uck, this is going to be the longest three days of my f*cking life.
In Ben's garage, Daniel and Ben are jamming while Chris is taking a nap at his house. Daniel is playing Ben's drum kit and Ben is playing Daniel's PRS. Daniel is trying out a few new drummer moves when he stops and howls in pain.
"F*ck! Shit! Owwww!"
Ben: What's the matter, Johnsy?
The teenies look at each other. Giselle: Who's Johnsy?
Tina: Must be another member of the band.
Daniel: My f*cking neck! I think I pulled something.
Ben: I thought I already told you the importance of stretching your neck. I always said, 'Daniel, you're going to pull something one of these days.' And you always blew me off. Well this is a fine lesson. You-
Daniel: Shut the f*ck up, Ben.
Giselle walks over: Wanna massage?
Daniel looks up in surprise: Yeah, would you?
He closes his eyes, but instead of feeling a hand on his neck, he feels one on his crotch. He jumps up: Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing? Get! Go 'way now!
Giselle pouts, yet is victorious: Tina, I touched it!
Daniel: I'm going to take a nap.
Ben: What?! You're leaving me alone with them?
Daniel: I'm sure you'll have fun, Ben. That's what you get for that comment.
Ben: But- But- but teenies are mental!
Daniel breaks into a jog and rushes home because he's ten minutes late and he needs a fix. His blood is pounding and his mouth is dry. He stumbles into his front door and is greeted by Sweep. "Sweep, c'mon. Come upstairs with me. Good dog, Sweep."
He rushes upstairs and into his room. He firmly shuts the door behind him and Sweep and smiles in anticpation. He reaches under his bed and pulls
out...
...He reaches under his bed and pulls out a pair of red, crushed velvet bellbottoms he found in his mum's closet. He strips out of his cords and pulls the bells on. Daniel sighs in relief and pulls out Disco Fever from under his bed. He pops it into his cd player, flips it to track #10, his favorite, and laughs with glee. He blasts the volume, and as he feels the music go through him, he yells, "I'm the f*cking disco king! F*ck John Travolta! OOHHHWHEEEE!"
He breaks out the moves he's been holding in all day and belts out, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, stayin' alive, stayin' alive! Oh, oh, oh, oh, stayin' ali-!"
His joy is cut off as he finds himself face-to-face with the teenie Tina. "Oh...mi...Gawd."
The thoughts race through his head: 'What if Ben and Chris find out? What if everyone at school finds out? Shit!' An image of his face plastered on the front page of the paper: 'DANIEL JOHNS, SECRET DISCO KING!' pops into his head. 'Ahh, f*ck! What do I do? What do I say?'
"Why aren't you at Ben's? Why aren't you in your room at the Holiday Inn? F*cker!" He does the only thing he can think of. He grabs her, braces himself, and kisses her. He pulls away and spits. "Sh*t! I spit on me khakis!"
Daniel realizes the music is still blasting and smacks his stereo off. He had to distract her! "I have herpes, you know." He smiles evilly. "Yup, I got them from my dog, who kisses Ben, who's with a different girl every day. Yup, every day a new girl." He's pleased with his story and his success in distracting her.
"Ohmigod. I got herpes from silverch- I mean Daniel!"
Daniel's butt feels binded and he notices he's still clad in the velvet
bells. He walks to the door cautiously. "I'm going to take a shower."
"Okay!" Tina follows him.
"Alone, dammit!"
"You're so prude!"
"Get the f*ck away from me! Go to the damn hotel."
Daniel steps out of the bathroom, tucking his hair back. 'Maybe I should have washed it,' he thinks to himself. 'When was the last time? Last Wednesday? No, it was Sunday. Ah, f*ck it.'
He steps into his room, planning to take Sweep outside and sleep in the backyard. Instead, he finds Tina opening his cold sore cream from his secret drawer compartment and smelling it. "Get the f*ck away from me cold sore cream!" He grabs it out of her hands and cradles it protectively. "Get the f*ck away from me! Enough! I can't believe you touched me cold sore cream. That's it! I could take you seing me in my-- uh, that's it! Touching me cold sore cream is it!"
"Just remember this, Daniel. I'm gonna f*ck you before i leave."
"I'd rather wear Bonne Belle lipgloss!"
In the meantime, Chris is in hysterics over Khan. "Oh, mum. Mum, where's Khan? I want me Khan."
Ben, on the other hand, has been gleefully playing his Sony Playstation. After watching him crash car after car, Giselle says, "So like, Ben. Can I have naked pictures taken of you?"
"No way."
"Come on, you know you want to."
"No. Aw, f*ck! I crashed it again."
"I'll pay you."
Ben turns around to look at her and asks, "Yeah? How much?"
"$25 a picture."
"No way, $50."
"Okay, after dinner then?"
"Yeah, whateva."
Daniel, Ben, Tina, and Giselle are at one table during dinner and Watson, Chris, and the mums and dads are at another table. Chris is being fed blue spagetti by his mum, Ben attacks his steak with a vengeance and a decided lack of manners, and Daniel calmly chews on his Caesar salad like a rabbit. Giselle tells him so, and he gets an evil look on his face. Ben again rolls over laughing, but forgets there's nothing to support him and falls to the floor, making a terrible racket.
Daniel begins to cackle.
"Shut up, Daniel," comes Ben's muffled voice from under the table.
Mrs Gillies: Ben, dear. Are you all right?
Ben: Yeah, just dandy, mum.
Ben climbs back on his chair and tucks his hair behind his ears and glares
at Daniel, who's still giggling. "Glad you found that so amusing, mate."
The plates are cleared and Chris is escorted to their table by his mum.
Daniel: Chris, how are ya, mate?
no response
Giselle pulls out a compact, this time orange eyeshadow. "Oohh, is that
Wet'n'Wild?" Daniel asks.
"Yeah, I like it Wet'n'Wild," Giselle says, giving him a smile she thinks
is coy.
Daniel mutters to himself and settles back into his chair.
Chris, in a monotone: The unification of Italy was a long time coming, being propelled by nationalists...
Ben: Holy shit! He's turned smart on us!
Tina: Oh, a man with a brain.
Ben: For your missing one. Hehe.
Tina: What? I don't get it.
After dinner, Chris goes home and snuggles into bed with his blankie. Tina sneaks into his room with a wicked smile and slips into bed with him, snuggling up against him. "Chris, you're even hotter than your brother Daniel. I just don't get why you live in different houses. Oh, you're sooo hot!" And she proceeds to slobber in his ear.
Chris stirs and hugs her tighter. "Mmmm, Khan. Khan." He slowly opens his eyes and starts to smile before he realizes a teeny with teased hair and orange eyeshadow is sharing his bed. "AAHHH! Go 'way!"
Mrs. Joannou rushes into the room, "What's wrong, pookie? Oh, young lady.
You're going to have to stop molesting my son. Out!"
Tina: Damn!
In the meantime, Giselle takes Ben to Fantasy Fotographers.
A voice from inside: Ben Gillies, back again? So soon, too, eh? I know you can't get enough.
Skye appears from behind a curtain, clad in thigh-high patent leather boots, a short mini, a leopard print shirt, and a whip. "Well, come on. Let's go. You," pointing to Giselle, "You stay out here."
"But-"
"No buts. You want me to whip you, bitch? Come on, Ben," she croons.
Ben walks rather eagerly to the back room with a goofy smile and comes out an hour later, looking sweaty and very pleased with himself.
Skye emerges, adjusting her skirt. "You can pick the pictures up tomorrow. Bye Bennie-boy. That was delightful."
The morning after...
to be continued... i'll finish it sometime before the end of the century!
let me read more stories!
Daniel, unlike Ben and Chris, had a peaceful night and got to sleep! He's up bright and early, in his bathroom, carefully applying a facial masque. He leans close to the mirror, inspecting his pores. "They're getting big!" he says, disgusted. He's startled by Ben's urgent knocking and knocks his head against the mirror. under his breath 'F*ck!' Out loud, "What? What is it?"
Ben: Let's go to the beach.
Daniel: Hold on, I've got to apply my Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion or else my face will dry up.
Ben: Come on, hurry up. We don't want the teenies to catch us.
Daniel: Don't rush me. You know how sensitive my face is to the ocean breeze.
He emerges and looks at Ben critically. "You got bonked, didn't you?"
"How do you know?"
"You have that glow on your face. A dead giveaway."
"I had some fun last night."
They walk over to Chris's house, who is feeling a little better. They stroll over to the beach, where Watson is waiting for them with the teenies. He gives them a reproachful look. "Don't shirk your responsiblities, boys."
They grumble and reluctantly take the teenies to a crowded spot so they can't try anything naughty.
Tina turns to Daniel: Can you sing your song?
Daniel: What? Why the hell would I sing on the beach?
Tina: Come on, only one verse.
Daniel, remembering the hell Watson will give him if he isn't nice to the girls: Um, which one? Surfin' Bird?
Tina: Which one? I thought you only had one, you know, the one that goes
'Can't you just wait till tomorrow?'
Ben snickers: It'd be nice if you got the right words to "his song."
Giselle: Dumbass. It's 'Can't you just wait TO tomorrow.'
Daniel and Ben exchange tortured looks while Chris smiles giddily at the seagulls.
Skye weaves her way through the crowd to Ben, wearing a skimpy bikini.
Ben: Skye?! What are you doing here?
Skye: I have your pictures.
Ben: Uh, thanks.
Skye: I think you'll like them. They turned out even better than last time.
Ben, turning quite red: Um, great. Thanks a lot.
Skye: Always a pleasure doing business with you. Come back again!
She walks away after giving him a pat on the cheek and quite purposefully kicking sand on Giselle and her neon bathing suit.
Daniel: What is this?
Ben: Nothing!
Daniel: Nudie pictures?
Ben: No!
Daniel: C'mon, I know they are.
Ben: How do you know?
Daniel, smiling wickedly: Louise has a porn mag and you're in it! Delicious Drummer, huh? And the centerfold, no less.
Chris, shocked at the news: What?! Louise has a porno? What a naughty girl!
Ben is still very embarrassed and Daniel can't control himself. He's excited and finds this hilarious: How much did you sell for, Gillies?
Ben mumbles: $50 a picture.
Daniel: Not bad money. Ah, look! Gillies is turning beet red! Everyone look at Gillies!
Ben: Shut up before I kick your arse, Daniel! Pay up, Giselle.B
Ben: You're not looking at them here!
Tina is upset she's not getting any attention and runs into the ocean, hoping to impress everyone. It is too bad she's never been anywhere but the shallow end of a pool before. She swallows some water and starts to scream.
Ben: Hey look. She's drowning!
Giselle: Ohmigod! Save her!
Ben: No way. My arse is staying right where it is. Besides, this is pretty cool.
Chris is still in shock over the discovery that his beloved sister owns a nudie mag, and Daniel knows what he must do. He runs into the ocean. "F*ck, I don't want to be a bloody hero!" 'But I can't just let her drown, either,' he thinks. 'This probably looks like a scene from Baywatch. All I need is that cute red suit...and maybe a little shine control.I don't want my nose to look shiny! Dammit, I'm no bloody hero!'
Daniel reaches Tina and grabs her by her hair and drops her onto the sand. 'Maybe if I hold my breath, he'll do CPR,' she thinks.
He checks for a pulse after seeing she's not breathing, then snorts in disgust and walks toward his towel, muttering, "I'm no f*cking hero."
Tina leaps onto him from behind and screams, "My hero!"
"No! Sh*t! Get off of me!"B
Daniel goes into shock at the sound of that voice. "No, I didn't do anything! Please! I'm from Australia! I'm in a band! Please don't take me to a raping jail! Please!" he blubbers helplessly.
Officer 57 stands not 10 feet away from him, in all his glory. He's wearing his full uniform and is scowling menacingly at young Daniel. "Answer my question!"
"Wh-what?"
"What did you say?"
"Gillies, what did I say?" Ben shrugs his shoulders and looks on in interest. "Ah, f*ck. Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say that, I promise!"
"TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID!"
Daniel is near tears when Chris bursts out, "France was a class-ridden society, ruled by the nobles and clergy when-"
"Chris, ssshhh," Ben says, then looks at Daniel expectantly.
"Oh, sh*t." Tina taps his shoulder. "Get off me!"
"There. That wasn't so hard," Officer 57 cracks a smile, a gold tooth glinting in the sunlight. "I came down under for a visit. I couldn't get over you people are allowed to drive on the beaches. Hm. Incredible. What are you doing here? Stirring up more trouble?"
"No, sir. I live here. I'm in a rock band. I own a dog, her name is Sweep. I-"
"You just stay out of trouble. Damn Australian teens. Always giving back-talk. If i ever see you again, I'm gonna haul yer ass to jail, a raping one!" Officer 57 walks away.
Daniel breathes deeply and Ben cracks up. "That was classic. 'Please
don't take me to a raping jail!'" he mimics.
Daniel tries to uncover Chris's eyes, who's covered them with his hands, leaving cracks to peer out of. "Is bang-bang gone?"
"Yeah, Mr. Police Officer is gone," Ben comforts Chris.
"Goody," Chris coos and uncovers his hands.
Daniel: Shut up, Gillies. I'm going to kick your ass.
Ben: Oh yeah? If you do, I'll call Mr. Police Officer back here. Hehe. What about that, you hero?
Daniel: Grrrrr.
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