dalai llama

by mary

Daniel, Chris, and Ben now find themselves in the remote Glonglictchi Mountains of India, searching for the Great Dalai Lama.

Daniel: You know, this dry air is really terrible for your skin. I'll have to pick up some extra moisturizer at Dalai's place.
Ben: The Dalai Lama's a wish-granter, not a Dilliards, dickwad.
Daniel: Oh, yeah, like you really know anything about wise men.
Ben: Was that an insult? Cause if it was, it sucked pickles.
Daniel: No, just a warning. Next time I'll pummel you with more violent insults and cuss words than a fucking BASKETBALL PLAYER!!
Chris: Ahh, young love....
Daniel & Ben: Shuttup! (blush)
Chris: So where is this Dalai Lama anyway? Let me see the map.
Ben:Well, according to this, he's on the tallest mountain peak in the sector, about 2 miles from here.
Daniel: But it looks so fucking steep! How are we ever going to get up there?
Ben: Guess we'll just have to leave all of your luggage full of lingerie at the bottom, Daniel.
Daniel: Okay, that's it...
(starts beating up Ben)
Ben: OOWWWW! Shit!! What are you, a fucking Muhummad Ali?!!
Chris: Okay, kids, that's enough...
(suddenly sees a glint in the distance)
hey, guys, I think I see it!
Daniel: Wha....Yes! You're right, that's it! We made it!
Ben: (dizzily gets up) Yeah, and thanks to Daniel, you're gonna have to carry me up on a fucking stretcher....
Daniel: Oh, shut up. You deserved it.

Daniel, Chris, and Ben are now climbing the steep mountain peak of the Dalai Lama....

Chris: We're almost there, guys!
Ben: Uhh....Daniel, I think your mascara's running.
Daniel: Not my fault you guys are making me do all this strenuous work just to see some stupid meditating wise man. So anyway....how's your eye doing?
Ben: Ok...thanks.
Daniel: Listen, I'm really sorry about that whole thing, it's just that I.....
Ben & Chris: (whisper) PMS.
Chris: Here we are!
Daniel: What does that thing by the door say?
Chris: "You must be this height to enter the realm of the Dalai Lama."
Ben: Woop, too bad, Chris, I don't think you'll make it, cutting your hair and all. Chris: Shut up! (sniffles)

They enter the door, and walk down a long, dark hallway, to see at the end, sitting on a throne....

Ben: A LLama!!?#*!
Dalai: Well, what did you expect, a dung beetle?
Chris: Well.....
Dalai: Now, hurry up and state your wish. It's not like you're the only ones here you know, I've got a very busy schedule.
Daniel: Gee. We haven't really thought much about our wish, have we?
Dalai: You have 10 seconds.
Ben: How about we get me a date?
Daniel: No way, you self-centered pig!
10....
Ben: Well, what do you want?
9....
Daniel: The newest in Clinique would be nice.
8...
Ben: No way! You have enough crap already!
7...
Daniel: Well, we'd better think of something quick!
6...
Ben: Chris! You're our only hope! Wish for something unselfish!
5...
Chris: Me?
4...
Daniel&Ben: HURRY UP!! YOU HAVE 3 SECONDS!!
3...
Daniel&Ben: (shaking him violently by the shoulders) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!!!
2...
(Chris's lip quivers)

1.....
Chris: MOOOOOMMMMYYYYY!!!!!! I want my MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts bawling)
Dalai: Very well, your wish is granted.
(All 3 of their mothers appear, and Mrs. Joannou hurries over to comfort Chris)
Mrs. Joannou: There there.....it's okay cutie pootie, I'm here now.
Daniel: Chris, you assnut! We had one chance to wish for anything in the world and you brought our f*cking MOTHERS?
Mrs. Johns: Daniel! Watch your language.
Daniel: OH, nooo, I have the right to this time, Mum. This is a f*cking special occasion.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! F*CK, F*CK, F*CK, F*CK, F*CK, F*CK, F*CK!!!!!!!
Mrs. Johns: All right, that's it, no more Montell Williams for you.
Ben: Some loss....

THE END