Warning! It's Out There!!

I said I would'nt get it, I fought it and fought it, but I've got it! This is a warning to all of you who are out there who are still without it. It's very contagious. I've given small cases to my friends already.

I visited the doctor this mornung knowing I had the disease, sure enough, he checked and confirmed my severe case of Monkeeitis. He said that there was a way to keep calm down the severity of the illness, and make it more livable, but there is no cure. He gave me a pamphlet with some simple instructions on the daily procedure, and I thought I might share it with you in case any of you have the disease...

SYMPTOMS OF MONKEEITIS

Symptoms:
-Find yourself constantly listening to Monkees music.

-If someone comes near you cd, tape, or record player to shut it off, you sneer and swing at them.

-On Monday and Thursday nights, as well as Saterday mornings, you make no plans and you wait a half an hour before the episodes begin just to hit record at the exact moment it comes on. (In fear that they may start the episodes early)

-Even though you are recording the episodes, you are still glued to watching them.

-If they end or are replaced, you find yourself kicking the tv and yelling. Then you wright letters and e-mails to the tv station telling them, in so many words, what you think of the situation.

-If you are watching a Monkee film (i.e Head, Justus, Heart and Soul) if the phone or doorbell rings you won't stop the tape to answer it, unless it rings so many times it interupts the movie. Also in this case, even though you've seen it 50 times, you rewind it a little to make sure you don't miss anything.

-You find yourself in a constant battle with stubborn people who don't think the Monkees play their own instruments.

-If a Monkees song comes on in a store while youre shopping, you start singing, dancing and sometimes even wailing your invisible guitar (while forgetting to change the chords)

-In the case of a severe age difference, you ignore it and plot on how you are going to woo your favorite Monkee into marrying you.

-By the end of a concert you are so worn out that with a poke, you are on the floor.

TIPS ON WHAT TO DO

-Sometime in the morning, have a large bowl of tapioca tundra pudding
-If you see a cd player while eating, take a giant step away from it.
-Do not go to Sea World, avoid porpioses singing whenever possible.
-When considering a pet, don't buy a dog...get a goldfish.
-When getting a post office box, make sure it isn't P.O box 9847
-Have color contrast, not shades of grey.
-Never travel by steam engine.
-Don't go looking for good times, they'll find you.
-If someone gives you a cuddley toy, give it back.
-Don't daydream.
-Never visit Pleasant Valley on a Sunday.
-Get rid of all your toys.
-Try to avoid the expression "for pete's sake"
-Don't read the nursery ryme "Humpty Dumpty"
-If you do something wrong, don't do it all over again.
-Never visit Tear Drop City
-Never marry a man without a dream
-Avoid digging holes
-Avoid the night sky and star collecting
-And most importantly, avoid the Monkees anytime, anyplace and anywhere!!

-Remember to do this daily. And you'll be back upon your feet!


Written by that groovy chic Pearl Steady

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Since October 8, 1997