-couch gag-
Simpsons run in, Xris and Aly are sitting there. Simpsons jump back and run away screaming.
Setting: Springfield in the spring. A parade is taking place downtown, celebrating Pig Day. Everyone is there.
BART: (Running through crowd with balloons. As he runs, he gathers more and more from the people he passes. Arrives at Lisa.) Hey, Lis, could you hold my balloons while I give Martin a wedgie?
LISA: (Looks over at Martin, who is eagerly watching the parade.) Bart, leave poor Martin alone. (Grabs the balloons and begins to rise off the ground.)
BART: (snickers and walks towards Martin)
LISA: Ahh! Help! (as she floats higher)
BART: Wow. Cool!
LISA: BART! Get me down!
The crowd begins to notice Lisa floating higher and higher.
MOE: Hey, look! She's floating towards the monorail track!
Collective gasp. Then attention back to the parade.
Meanwhile, yards above, Lisa is indeed heading for the monorail track. A toot- toot is heard.
LENNY: The monorail is headed straight for Lisa!
A splat is heard, and the balloons float over the crowd with one of Lisa's arms attached to them. Blood drips from the arm and falls on the people of Springfield.
BARNEY: (As blood falls into his beer) Ew! (Belch) Blood! (Looks in mug, then gulps it down.) (The beer, not the mug.)
Meanwhile, the monorail stops at the next stop with Lisa plastered to the front of it. As the monorail stops, she slowly slides down it and lands on her back, on the track.)
MARGE: Oh no, my baby!
HOMER: (Holding up Maggie) No, she's right here!
MARGE: (Impatient) I *meant* Lisa!
HOMER: Oh.
The crowd rushes to help Lisa, trampling her in their haste.
[COMMERCIAL]
Setting: Lisa is lying in a hospital bed, all bandaged up, surrounded by her family.
LISA: What? What happened? Why am I in a hospital?
DR. NICK: (Walking into the room) Hi everybody!
SIMPSONS: Hi Dr. Nick!
DR. NICK: (Approaching Lisa) Dear God! She's missing an arm! ICK! Blood! (He runs screaming from the room. He is leaning against the wall in the hallway, breathing deeply.) (To himself) It's okay, it's just a little blood. You're a doctor, you must face this fear. (He walks back into the room to check Lisa over. He grimaces at the blood, but stands his ground.) We're going to have to find her a new arm.
HOMER: A new arm? That sounds expensive!
DR. NICK: Not only does it sound expensive, it IS expensive! But for you, my friend, I can reduce the price to $19.95! That's over $700 off the retail price!
HOMER: $700?! Marge, do you know how much extra beer I could buy with that money?
MARGE: Are you sure that's going to get her a decent arm? That sounds awfully inexpensive.
HOMER: Marge, must you question everything? Think of all the extra money!
MARGE: I don't feel comfortable with this. Let's get a second opinion.
[COMMERCIAL]
Setting: The Simpsons family is in Dr. Hibbert's office.
DR. HIBBERT: Oh Lisa, you don't need another arm. Many people have gone on to lead normal, peaceful lives with just one arm.
[Cuts to a scene with Herman robbing a bank, wildly shooting a machine gun at everything moving. Fires are spouting from the bank windows.]
LISA: But I can't play my saxophone with only one arm!
MARGE: Homer, I really think she needs another arm.
HOMER: (Grumbling) Okay, okay. So we'll get her another arm. But the money's coming out of her college fund. (Then smiles)
Setting: Late at night, in Lisa's hospital room. All is quiet, except…)
HOMER: (drops big metal rod) D'Oh!
LISA: (waking up) Dad? Dad, is that you?
HOMER: Yes, honey. (Approaches bed.) I found an inexpensive way to get you another arm. Just go back to sleep.
LISA: But, Dad- are you sure about this?
HOMER: Of course I'm sure. Now just go to sleep.
Lisa drifts off while Homer arranges tools around her bed. When she is asleep, he hits her over the head with the metal rod, making her unconscious. After he is done his duty, he sneaks out.
Setting: Lisa's hospital room, early morning. She wakes up, stretches, and…
LISA: AHH! What's this? (She looks at where her arm used to be.) This is a monstrosity!
HOMER: Do you like it sweetie? I did it all by myself.
LISA: NO! I was hoping for an *arm*, not a *lava lamp*! What am I going to do with this? (She raises her new arm as the lava floats around.)
HOMER: It'll just take a little getting used to, that's all. Think positive! When you raise your arm, the lava will travel down. (He appears to be in a trance as he lifts Lisa's arm up and down.) Lava goes up, lava goes down. Lava goes up…
[COMMERCIAL]
Setting: Lisa's at home, trying to do things. Whatever she picks up, she drops. When she plays her saxophone, it sounds awful. She has a hard time doing the simplest things.
MARGE: (shaking head) Homer, she really needs a real arm.
Just then, Bart comes running into the house.
BART: Lookit what me 'n Millhouse found! (He holds up Lisa's arm, which doesn't look quite the same.) We were playing at the abandoned Lil Lisa Recycling Plant, and we found it just lying around.
MARGE: Perfect! Come on, Homie. Let's take Lisa back to the hospital and let Dr. Nick reattach her arm.
[cut to scene in Dr. Nick's operating room. Dr. Nick is sewing Lisa's arm back on.]
DR. NICK: (to observing doctors) For arms, I recommend the cross- stitch. (Doctors titter) There! All done!
Dr. Nick leads Lisa out to the waiting room to see her family.
MARGE: Oh, Lisa! I'm so glad you have your arm back!
Lisa looks down at her two arms, her right one being tattered and discolored.
LISA: Me too. I'll finally be able to live my life again.
----The End----
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