1. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a stripclub at least once.
2. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
3. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.
4. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
5. All grocery bags contain at least one loaf of Italian bread.
6. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
7. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
8. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
9. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
10. You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
11. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.
12. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killerbeast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
13. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
14. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
15. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
16. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
17. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
18. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
19. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
20. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.
21. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
22. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
23. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
24. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
25. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
26. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
27. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
28. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
29. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
30. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
31. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside
32. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
33. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
34. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
35. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
36. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
37. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
38. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
39. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
40. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
41. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
42. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
43. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
44. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
45. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.