PJ trip--San Jose Airport Inn. A friend was trying to set up a group rate on a particular PJ bbs (that sm moderates). I told PJ fans from a different forum about said group rate when there was general query about places to stay for PJ trip. Sm said "someone blabbed to the european contingent" about the hotel, apparently she was angered I spread the info. I took offense that she butted into arrangements she was playing no part in making and basically insulted me for sharing information gained from a friend first and the bbs second, with other fans in need.
I sent her a blistering email through the BBS system, so It could be taken off the board and into privacy as such exchanges OUGHT to be taken. She actually posted the reply, hypocritical of her own introduction to the bbs statement that the board was not for posting flames...I was going to let it go with that and just write the whole incident off but I got a burr up my ass thinking about it and that's when the represented exchanges kick in.

---------------------------
From G. Vomacka
To: <>
Subject: hate? no

I wanted to email you to dispell this notion you got that I HATE you.

I do not hate you. In fact I am hardly even angry anymore...but at the time I emailed you...yes...I was friggin livid. It isn't the first time I was so angry--only the first time i decided to show it. 

As with most people and most incidences...it passes. I don't hold grudges. In my life thus far I have ONE "enemy"...and you are not him.

Now that my emotions have subsided a bit...a little explanation. Frustration. That's what started my emotions. I know that xxxx is your friend...I know all about the falling out and then makeup the too of you had. Jen is really really happy about that. I was frustrated because your post insulted and the same time accused me of "leaking" the hotel info to Bugs...well it seemed like a slap in the face for trying to help other people. I also felt that you jumped into something you didn't know that much about...with so many ppl balking about the hotel grp rate, the Bugs ppl may very well be necessary to get said rate. I knew that...maybe you didn't. In fact I only mentioned the grp rate thing AFTER a bugger already wrote to say he ALREADY had a room reserved there. Honestly I hadn't previously thought about mentioning it on the bugs list until then (not really sure why i didn't think of it before then actually)

What I don't understand is why you posted my email to the board? The whole reason I took it private was to avoid public exposure. The very introduction to MFC states that the board is no place for flames. Were you trying to garnish sympathy or raise up a rebellion against me for speaking my mind? Looking through the board...I have seen some flames just go on for post after post after post. I don't want to read that shit--I shouldn't need to read that shit. I thought you understood that mindset...I thought you had that same mindset. I don't know if you meant to try to use that against me or not...but what it did was think of you as being hypocritical. If I had posted that reply instead of emailing it...I can't help but imagine you then would have gone off on me for posting a flame. Flames suck. I don't like then...but if my toes are personally stepped on...well some things have to happen.

Now all that said...let me dispell another misconception it seems you have--and this I picked up from something xxx dropped. AT jones beach last year, well I said "fuck you and your non dissadent loving self" (or words to that effect) I did NOT mean it as an insult. I am an extremely cynical, ascerbic person and my sense of humor...well if don't know me very well yeah, it can prettily easily come of insulting. I walked away after saying that and didn't say "I'm just kidding"...my "cleansing statement". I'm sorry about that.

Calling you a bitch. Welll this is the part prolly gonna be the hardest to get you to understand/agree with/accept/do anything except write me and it off. I don't take that back. I really do think you were being a bitch for what you said. Was I right to say a lot of my friends think you are a bitch, while I was at it? Well I thought maybe if I showed a little insight my peers, and how I have always tried to stay open minded regardless of their regaling me of "<> stories"...I wanted to make an impression on you, and why i try i am really not sure because I can't be the first person to say it...but I really think you should try to get some sort of counseling on your people skills. You really shouldn't need to argue your way through life. If this suggestion insults you...I'm sorry. I only mean to help. If you already *are* seeking counseling...that one I really don't know what to say, but it doesn't seem to be working too well. 
You could just say "fuck the world" I'll do what I want, say what I want, and if they are stupid or call me a bitch or hate, "fuck them" because I'm only trying to do what's right for the fans...and sometimes I admit there are people out there that you just need to do that with...
I just have to think that, knowing so many wonderful ppl that have had problems with you...i have to wonder just what is it could be the problem. The only thing I can come up in common is you. Yes <>...you do a SHIT load of great things for the PJ community. You give a LOT of your life towards helping that community, and i appreciate it...a large amount of other people also appreciate it. BUT...there is a point where you can't control everything, can't be right about everything, don't neccessarily even need to be involved in some things...maybe a lot of things. I don't know. It's just...year after year I am continuosly hearing about toes getting stepped on. Sometimes other people are in the wrong...but i can't believe that is the majority of the cases.

Now...does this all mean I want to be your friend? Well...no, not really. Everytime we have contact it's always this same whole deal. Does it mean I want to ignore you, pretend you don't exist, and vice versa? no.

I just feel concern for you. It CANNOT feel good to have so many people think so strongly against you.

anyway. think about all this for a moment or two. I really don't think I'm very far off base here. Not saying I see it all perfectly...but I have seen enough to know something is wrong, and it's time I added my voice.

and by the way, if you would like to email me back, please do so. I realized that my email address isn't listed on the board so...

rvodka@konnect.net
---------------------------------------
From: <>
To: G. Vomacka
Subject: Re: hate? no
 

don't email me again. you're a PSYCHO. i should get COUNSELING? who the
fuck are YOU? my "people skills"? do you KNOW me? no, you know stories
that you've heard from these mythical FRIENDS of yours that i'm somehow
supposed to care about. the only people whose opinion matters to me are
those people whom i respect. you're talking to me as though i'm some sad
lonely person with no life and no career and no friends and no one who
loves me. you don't even KNOW me and yet you're going to come to some
sweeping conclusion of what kind of person i am NOT based on a history of
interactions with me, but rather made up BULLSHIT stories from these
mythical friends i should be in awe of. "so many people"? 99.9% of these
people aren't telling you the full side of the story. most of the time
it's because they wanted something from me that i refused to give them.

when you send abusive, name calling mail, you lose the right to privacy.

don't email me again, or i will consider it harassment.

--------------------------------
From: G. Vomacka
To: <>
Subject: you haven't blocked my email address yet? wow

Bottom line up front. I'm sorry you took such offense to my suggestion that
you get counseling. Is you consider this harrassment...why?

All I was doing was trying to help. Do I need to be a close, intimate
friend of everyone I try to help?

I'm a pyscho? um...ok. it's a free world and if you want to think I am
insane and that >I< need counseling, feel free. Feel free to tell me that,
by email or face to face in Seattle. Free speech and free thought is about
the thing I consider sacred. And you want to know a little secret...up
until recently...I probably COULD have used some counseling...there are
times I wish I could have HAD counseling. My life was a friggin mess.
Right now...life is about as awesome as I could ever hope it to be.
Tomorrow I make my final SCUBA certification dive in Okinawa, where Uncle
Sam has sent me for two years. I'm making a good pile of dough--so much so
that I can afford to make this trip back to the states to endulge in one of
my loves...seeing pearl jam shows with true pearl jam fans. I have my
future planned out and I'm not afraid of it anymore. That isn't to say I am
perfect...I still have a few personal demons, but they are definately
manageable. I'd offer that we share our demons if I thought you'd want to

I brought up counseling because I hoped that deep down you were a good
person and just had a problem being a functional person sometimes. Seems to
me you have always flown of the handle about the smallest, stupidist
things...like people disagreeing with you, or worse yet...people ignoring
you. Sure...that isn't the reason ALL the time...I speak mainly from
personal experience here--I'm not replying on what I have gotten by my
"mythical friends" I had HOPED that one day you would be a more mellow,
relaxed, easy going person who doesn't get so strung out all the damn time.
I hoped that for five years...never happened. Why did I hope that? i
dunno...maybe cuz I thought you were a cool person most of the time. maybe
cuz I had a lot of respect for you most of the time.

I am SORRY you took such offense to my suggestion. If you truly don't need
counseling and you are just naturally this high strung, argumentative
person...well I guess that's just the way you are and I was wrong to try to
suggest you change. If you are just so passionate about music that
everything even remotely related to it brings out the worst in you as well
as the best...

well that's a whole different discussion I suppose.

-glen
-------------------------------------------
From: <>
To: G. Vomacka
CC: postmaster@konnect.net, root@konnect.net, abuse@konnect.net
Subject: Do not contact me again

This is your second warning. Do not send me any further email or I will 
consider it harassment. Your email communication with me is unsolicited 
and unwanted.

<>

-----------------------------------------
From: G. Vomacka (from yahoo)
To: <> 
Subject: I was only trying to help
(no text)
----------------------------------------
From: G. Vomacka (from yahoo)
To: <>
Subject: Can't we work this out?
(no text)
---------------------------------------
From: G. Vomacka (from yahoo)
To: <>
Subject: Or would you rather just hate me? 
(no text)
--------------------------------------
From: <>
To: G. Vomacka (at yahoo)
Subject: Re: or would you rather just hate me?

this response goes against my better judgement, and understand that any 
further mail from you will not be responded to. i have no wish to 
enter into correspondence with you on any subject, let alone discuss your 
judgements of my character.

glen, i do not know you. unlike you and your "friends', I do not leap 
to sweeping conclusions about the character of individuals with whom i am 
not personally acquainted on a real level, judgements that are based on 
projections of disembodied portions of someone's writing voice, or 
third-hand biased stories related from people who may or may not 
actually have had contact with the person in question. nor do i project my 
expectations and behavioral standards upon people who are not my 
friends, family or loved ones. therefore i do not "hate" you. i know you would 
like me to hate you, because then you would have the status of being 
able to tell your friends that that bitch caryn rose hates you. not going 
to give you that satisfaction, because i don't feel anything toward you at 
all.

i simply have no wish to be your friend. like you, i am lucky enough 
to have many wonderful people who are my friends. i learned in 
kindergarten that not everyone is going to be my friend and that i am not going to 
like every single person i ever meet. just because i do not like someone 
does not automatically make them a bad person.

i do not have anything to "work out" with you. i am not accountable to 
you, or to everyone in the world who has met me once or visited my web 
site to behave in a way that pleases them each individually. for every 
person you allegedly can produce who hates me or has a problem with me, i can 
probably produce five who think i'm a great person. either way, it 
proves nothing and it's pointless. it's all subjective, and this isn't a 
popularity contest. i don't have to be everyone's friend, nor did i 
ask for everyone's friendship, nor did i ask everyone on the planet to like 
me. i am not a public figure. i am not an elected official. you 
are not my employer. i have no accountability to you whatsoever.

understand this, and understand it very well: i don't want to talk to 
you. i am not accountable to you. i am not required to measure up to 
your personal standards of what is acceptable behavior. you have no right 
to dictate what i should or should not be doing. (or rather, you can 
dictate all you like, but i don't have to obey your wishes, nor do i have to 
even listen to them if i don't want to.)
i am not required to listen to your lectures about how i should be 
living my life and how you think i should act. you don't like me? i honestly 
don't care. i don't need everyone in the world to like me or be my 
friend. however, your dislike of me does not give you the right to 
berate, lecture, abuse and harass me.

i suggest that you stop coming to my web site if you do not like the 
content of it. i suggest you worry about your own life, and the life 
of your friends, family and loved ones, and -- guess what? MIND YOUR OWN 
BUSINESS when it comes to someone who is a complete and total stranger. 
if you don't have enough in your life to worry about, then i suggest you 
find a hobby of some sort.

for the third and final time, i request that you cease any and all 
communications with or relating to me. i will report any further 
communication from you to the police and file a formal harassment 
complaint.

<>
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I apologize that her emails seem wordy, repetitive, and uninteresting. I'm happy with the last one because it shows some actual rational thought...which is all i really wanted from her to resolve this.

Was I wrong? Did I step over the lines of decency? Strong possibility. Was there more I could have done to rectify the situation, if I WAS at fault? I don't see how...

I would love to know if she read the email "Subject:: you haven't blocked my email address yet? wow"...because it would certainly color my analysis of the situation. If she did and responded with her "do not contact me again"...it would pose a whole new take on the matter than if she had just deleted it/ignored it and then sent her "do not contact..." email.

I'm frustrated by the whole thing, really. All throughout my life I've been trying to help people get through their personal problems, and I have never had such a violent backlash as this one. Granted that I really find it hard to be objective with this particular subject most of the time, and I did insult her...i thought the insult was warranted from her actions (and again. what I took to be an insult thrown my direction).

I'm also frustrated by how she says things about me...I really would like to discuss with her how I "i would like (her) to hate (me), because then you would have the status of being 
able to tell your friends that that bitch caryn rose hates you." Sigh...she really must not understand that I've been trying to NOT tell my friends that I still think she is an OK person half the time.

I call it conflict resolution. She calls it harassment. *sigh* All I'm left with is frustration and all she is left with is anger. I would love to sit down and just have a rational NON one sided discussion with her (cuz that's how I feel she is making this discussion with her threats of getting the police involved. I care less about her threats except for the fact that it means she really doesn't want to form any sort of real resoluction) because I do agree with some of her thoughts and her statements, and I wanted her to know that. 

Why do we, as humans, have to be like this? Why do I feel bad about how this whole thing went down? Yeah...I probably WAS a little out of line to suggest she get counseling...I tried to rectify that but she wouldn't listen.

And MAN do I hate how this whole damn thing has left a sour taste in my mouth-made me forgot all about how awesome SCUBA diving was today! 

current mood:  frustrated
current music: Brad 07.29.97 

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