| Wednesday, November 14th, 2001
0032
Always a special little treat to read an entry you've written drunk and have absolutely NO recollection of making... makes all those little things that jump out truly reflective of that innermost normally repressed nature... well, sometimes. other times it just includes a shit load of mispelled words, typos, bad grammer, intoxicated ramblings, and horny ruminations. though I have to say that bit about not having much of a readership...I never really tracked the non LJ ones too much so I can't say for sure...but I think I've gotten more readers since moving to LJ. I.E. that statement was probably not so factual. Then again...does it really matter? I wonder if I fantasized about katie (or is it spelled katy? or catie? like I'll ever know...) after writing that, or so completely just passed out after logging off. I hadn't gotten that drunk in a really really long time. Had many beers playing delta force over the network in D's office, then moved on to Jack. At least I was still fairly sober when I pulled out a stogie i got in the states...And thank GOODNESS I was conscious enough to not break into the George Dickell and waste it...I found my favorite coffee/liquor mug sitting next to the computer, almost full of coke...I'm sure there was jack left but I wasn't in the mood to drink it and see how much. I will honestly cop to drinking such leftover liquor... SO yeah...alcohol = crowd control. Kinda like oxygen masks in airplanes. Well...for most I suppose-- always got those angry drunks. ok so now I'm rambling. It has been a productive time these last few days. Went diving, hung out with D'von, went and saw some culture/history...got a lot of really ncie pictures of the island from up at the naval hq (hope they come out). Remastered three shows, burned a bizzilion copies of the tori show. I offered three copies up gratis on the dent forums. I gave myself a nice warm fuzzy. I really otta stop using so many ellipses and dashes and actually try to put a period in here and there. Whatcha think? Doesn't it get kind of annoying at times? Then again...this is by no means an english paper and it's just the way I write, so why change it. Personally I like the short paragraphs and lots of spaces...makes it easier to digest imho. I see long unbroke paragraphs in journals sometimes and I just...I don't want to bother. you ever feel that way? Then you think about it and feel guilty for thinking that way? then get into a war with yourself about how you *shouldn't* be guilty because that's a normal human function--it's called taste i.e. likes and dislikes. But then you get all depressed and pissy and confused so you go out and swallow live goldfish just so you have something else wriggling around in you other than such a conundrum? Well? yeah. me neither. Back to my style...Why change something if it feels good? That sounds like a quote from somewhere but I can't place it. If it isn't...well it's cliche enough so that it SHOULD be. Heh. Drove to Kadean AB today to run some errands. On the way home the view
of the Sea of China and the sun starting to set, the pink and orange and
yellow highlighting the deep deep blue of the waters and the light grey
of the cloud cover...with the silhoutes of island peaks in the distance...
I've starting to rediscover what it means to get those little moments--especially since being here on Okinawa and getting out to appreciate it. God it is so going to be hard leaving this place. When it all comes down to it, I know the tradeoffs of staying...well it just isn't quite worth it really. But it is so so SO close I'm gonna be under a large spell of temptation in six months when I'm in my reenlistment/extension window. Must...stay...focused. Must...E...T...S. Serving the country has been awesome. I have a rewarding job that I honestly love doing, feel productive, useful, and respected for doing. I just love the whole *idea* of serving as well...Seeing the states from the right coast was awesome. Seeing the Orrient (or at least Okinawa) was/is continueing to be, awesome. Yet...I'm 26 years old. I can't imagine myself being one of these 30 something and even 40 something single men living in the barraks--which is really nothing more than a college dormitory really. I can't do the whole go downtown, pick up some woman (single or not), one night stand sort of relationships. I can't live the next seventeen years forcing myself out of bed to go to formation and do PT with my co workers. I can't make scheduled visits to california, my family, and my friends, like it's some sort of parole from prison where I can grow my hair out and not shave or whatever. I can't get dressed up in the same outfit, boxers, brown t shirt, bdus, and boots, every day five days a week for seventeen more years...There's just too much conformism in the military for me to stomach staying for the distance. I'm just every so lucky to have gotten this assignment in Okinawa though. Of everywhere in the army today, I honestly think this has got to be the highest paid. Jump pay = $150 exta. COLA = $400 to $500 extra. BAS = $250 extra. Come January I get another $125 raise. So yeah...the money here is just *awesome*. Housing is paid for--water, garbage, utilities, cable TV even, I have dental and medical. Probably the greatest retirement set up that exists in the states right now (were I to stay)...all in all I figure I make the equivalent of $40,000 (being rather genorous on what my nearly ocean front "studio apartment" would cost stateside) or so a year...which may not seem like much to some people...but it's *plenty* for me. If I could have this sort of relaxed, professional, cut out as much red tape and bull shit as possible unit in California...it's possible I'd stay for another tour. Anyway...that's enough of the weekly I love the army but when it's time to move on it's time to move on pontification. I write about it a lot to reinforce it I guess, so that it will be easier to make a clean break. Last night I got a nearly perfect one REM cycle sleep and I felt *awesome* when I got out of bed. I'm trying the same thing tonight to see if it was just a fluke or something. I hope not...I'd love feeling so good on only 4 1/2 hours a night--give me all that extra time to do...everything! current mood: content
Comment: taliana
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