Don't fuck with me or bad things will happen to you. That's my motto. Now I'm not the superstitious sort, or the angry sort or even the defensive sort. I just think that people shouldn't do me wrong. I'm not an egocentric guy (okay I am, but not in a 'I'm better than you' kind of way) but I do think I have my good qualities. I'm good, I'm honest, I'm very 'no bullshit'. So when I have bad encounters with people it leaves me speechless. Some examples:
About a year and a half ago I decide to leave the proverbial nest (veal farm, as I now call it) and venture forth on my own. At the job I had, a couple of people there that I knew pretty well were looking for a roomate. I saw this as a golden opportunity. And it was, for about 30 seconds.
Let's talk about these people for a moment.
Mary: To put it as delicately and as politely as possible she's a fucking mental patient with the brain capacity of a drink coaster. No consideation for others, thinking she can run the place, etc.
Rob: Likes to get drunk and fool around with girls who are MY age. Drives drunk. Two-faced. Obvious drinking problem.
Stephanie: Twenty something who fell for Mary and Rob's bullshit right off. Mary's best friend. Leaving me, the hero of the story, a man without a country.
Okay now let's stop right here. Rewind a bit. The previous night they ordered a pizza from where’d I worked. There were a few pieces left and they let me have them. Maybe they said a couple, who knows, who cares? I work at the place and get free shit all the time. SO what the fuck?
Mary and Queen Stephanie proceed to rip into me. Have you ever been confronted by two PMSing mental patients with no sense of reason? I mean I'm kind of a timid guy when it comes to serious confrontation. I just stood there in shock. Must be why I like Nine Inch Nails so much. They said it wasn’t just the theft of the pizza, I leave the oil running, I'm always doing shit to annoy them, and that my behavior is wrong. Ummm, excuse me my behavior? I mean were do these people get off saying I have 'behavior' problems? Fucking scumbags. They gave me shit and left me incredibly pissed off. One thing you should know about me when I'm really pissed: I can't talk. I'm literally paralized. My head is spinning at this point.
So I take some of my stuff and go back home. I'm pissed. MAN am I pissed. So I chill out for a week or so. Cool off. I decide to give them another chance. I'll be DAMNED if I let this ruin me. I was sure it was a one time thing so I thought ‘Okay, maybe it was just a simple misunderstanding. I’ll give it another shot.’ Needless to say this was a mistake.....
So I go back to the house. At about this time I’m not making enough money at my job. I’m leaching off my parents to pay the rent. I feel like an idiot at this point so I do the only thing I feel is right: I tell them I need to move out. They actually confronted ME with this cuz they heard I told someone that I’m pissed and am moving out. I love how words get around when you make an offhand comment to someone you don’t even remember. So anyway I tell them that they should start looking for a new roomate cuz I’m having money problems.
Okay, so at this point, I’m still there, I’m just kinda doing my thing minding my own business. Mary adopted this psycho notion that everybody should do chores around the house. Please keep in mind that I use exactly three rooms in the house: my bedroom, the kitchen and the bathroom. She has this fucking ‘job wheel’ in the kitchen where everybody has assigned chores. Can you believe this shit?? I mean how dysfunctional can you be? I have more freedom living with my parents. Who, by the way, are getting divorced at the this point. So on top of the headaches with the cast of This Boy’s Life my mom and dad are splitting up. And people wonder why I never go out much.
One night I come home from a busy night at work. I’m tired and cranky and just want to go to sleep. There, sitting on my pillow was a letter. A very angry letter from Mary. Have you ever been so enraged with anger that you have no recollection of your immediate surroundings? Well, I didn’t even know what state I was in.
It read something like this: "You lied to me today. Stephanie didn’t say you could use her q-tips or ANYTHING for that matter. Chris, this has gone on long enough. We’ve put up with your shit for a long time, blah, blah. You never do what we ask you, blah blah." She goes on to give examples like how she tried to help me get motivated to find a better job (she didn’t. She made this up.) and how I use things without asking (I do but people use MY shit constantly so what the fuck?). I mean why not say this to my face instead of putting in a fucking LETTER?? What a coward.
So I was mad as all hell. I was a fireball of rage. I was amazed I didn’t catch the house on fire. So I did the only civalized thing I could possibly do. I wrote them back telling them all they were dysfunctional losers, which they are. I mean a bunch of fucking mental patients living together and I moved in with them? To this day I was wondering what the fuck I was thinking.
The next day I got my stuff and moved out. That was the end of that. Fucking losers. I later find out that all three of them would go and complain about me to my brother where they worked. Classy, huh?
Mary- Got fired from her job.
Stephanie- moved out a month later now lives with her retarded boyfriend in Colorado.
Rob- moved in with a guy who would later rob a bank. Gets questioned by the police. Later dates an 18 year old. He’s 32. Pretty rad, huh? And I SWEAR to God that I'm not making any of these things up.
Look at them? They're miserable excuses for people. Fucking morons. I'm not saying I'm much better but at least I can look back and say I never did anything wrong. I never gave anyone shit or acted like an asshole.
So the moral of this story?
I like to believe that it’s a curse that happens to people when they give me shit. Bad stuff follows them. And I for one, couldn’t be happier. Revenge is sweet, don’t you think?
And who says nice guys finish last? *evil laugh*
Christopher James Neri
March 27, 1998 7:00PM