Alot of folks know that I used to work at Subway. It was a horrible job overall, but I learned alot of valuable lessons about people. Mainly that they fucking suck. I mean, I like to think of myself as a nice, friedly guy. Easy going and easy to get along with. But for some reason folks like to start shit with me. Some examples....
There was this lady who worked there named Sue, the assistant manager. Me and Brady, a fellow worker and all around cool guy, called her 'Devil Woman.' She hated me. To this day I don't know why but she hated me. One day she blew up at me and all but physically assaulted me for not doing the prep work properly. This was after I was there for a week, therefore I'm not very experienced at chopping the fucking tomatoes just so. Nice, huh? She later went off telling the other workers there that she didn't like me. She even went as far as to call me a 'gay faggot' to one of the other workers there. THAT right there is an outright lie. I'm a STRAIGHT faggot.
So she hates me, right? Big deal. I do my work and stay out of her way. I'm only there for the money. A month goes by and she quits because 'the other workers were'nt showing her any respect.' HA! I love people like this. I really do. If nothing else they entertain with their ridiculousness. So she's gone. Guess that's where the problems end, eh? Well.....
Customers blow. They really do. CLerks is my favorite movie for a reason: I can relate to it. The guy wanting ice in his coffee? The guy looking for hubcaps do a 74 Pinto (or whatever)? Just come to the New London, NH Subway at around 12:30 in the afternoon and you'll see one of the sort. Only ruder. We used to get phone orders, too. Some pain in the ass would call saying 'YEAH! WHAT KINDA SUBS YOU GOT?' I'm just like, 'Sir why don't you come in and see our menu?' I hate having to be nice to these fucks.
Here's a scenario for ya....2PM, suprize lunch rush, I'm there by myself, a bunch of ganstas from the college come down, they're stoned out of their minds, the other customers are looking pissed. The phone rings..."Hello, Subway?"....*Led Zeppelin blaring in the background and some stoned guy trying to talk* -blah blah blah-...."Excuse me?" -I said do you guys deliver, man?- Okay, I've got a line to the door, House of Pain is holding up the line, I'm here by myself, I'm on the verge of going postal on all these fuck and Tommy Chong here is asking if we deliver. "No, we don't FUCKING DELIVER!!!" Goodbye, asshole. Fortunately the day ended as it began...in a pool of my own blood and piss popping pharmecuticals like popcorn. But at least the end came quick.
Around the fall Jeff and Rita, manager types from another store, were sent in to help out me and Rob cuz we were short of help. They're higher up the ladder than me and him so they procede to tell me and Rob how to run the place. And they can't run the place. Ironic, huh? At about this time I decide to go visit by good friend Jen in San Fransisco. What the fuck? I need to leave, if only just for two weeks...
So I go out to San Fransisco for two weeks. Had a great time. I come back...find out Rob quit while I was gone. This is where the great empire crumbles down...
Rita is now running the place....and VERY badly. We're running out of things, she's laying pretty much all the work on me (she 'doesn't like handling the meat' Ohhh NOOOO. Fucking moron.), leaving the place a mess for me and to top it all off she gets this other fuckwad, named Joe, to be her little bitch. Great...the outlook is looking pretty fucking bad at this point.
Before I conclude my story keep in mind that I've been with Subway for six months at this point, I'm full time and I'm the assistant manager. So all this in mind I go to check my scedule to see when I'm working. And they have me for.....TWO DAYS!!!! So, I'm thinking 'What the fuck??' Someone mentioned to me that they're probably trying to make me quit. Great. So one of the shifts I show up late for. It figured it was no big deal cuz they already had someone there and it was ALWAYS a dead night that night so fuck it. I'm a manager and I've got free reign. So....Rita later takes me aside...she explains to me that my work ethics are becoming poor, and that she can't use me if I'm not gonna be reliable. At this point I'm just like...'You mean I stick it out this long, just to have it end like this??' I mean I already knew I was gonna quit. Rob was gone and these fucks have no clue how to run the place. But to have THEM put ME down after all the time and energy I put into the place? That is just WRONG. Rita says, "Look, just take the week off and decide if you still want to work for us." I say "Forget it." and walk off.
Holy, SHITBALLS was I pissed. I mean to get fucked like that is just....FUCKING A!!!!
SO yeah, that's pretty much my story. I mean yeah, I've had some bad times and I've had some...well, bad times. But the work itself wasn't always hard. I'm sure I could tell you some more stories about this place, but why? One thing I've learned in my life is that there are ALWAYS bigger fish to fry. Meaning mainly that bigger problems always come along later on. So worry about a molehill when you could worry about a mountain? And that's all I have to say about that, Lt. Dan.
Chris Neri, 11:57PM, March 21, 1998