Svaty Vincent (CZE)- Svaty Vincent 12" LP

(Monitor Records 1990)

So Abruptum is the "audial essence of pure black evil"? Wrong. They are a total shaggy dog story infront of that scary entity known as "Kultovni Svaty Vincent". Abruptum fans are corpsepainted kids who sold their Pokemon cards collections for a "rare", "kult" Moonblood LP and who have a secret admiration for that thing called IT.  Svaty Vincent fans are drugged out Czechians who sold their soul for a bottle of Pilsner and probably bestowed sainthood upon the mastermind Vincent, the venerable. Abruptum is really just about playing all the wrong notes on wrongly tuned guitars and some vocalist screaming "aaaaahhh..." when the other guy poked his lovehandle. Svaty Vincent is also about playing all the wrong notes on wrongly tuned guitars but with this Vincent Venera screamining "AAAAAARGGH!!!" like as if he hit the climax with dead nuns. You'll feel obliged to do a research on the post-Iron Curtain mindset of our dear suppressed folks from former Czechoslovakia and slouch back in a corner to ponder the greatest tragedy of pop culture, To sum their "black noise" music up, it's basically SHIT. Can you imagine how strong a world "SHIT" can be for someone who used to live close to a garbage dump? I've seen much more beautiful things in there. There is absolutely no synchrony in the way the instruments are played, sort of like those sessions where I'm tuning my guitars while the idiotic drummer went off on his own, yet you could feel that they could have worked over a fortnight on these. Vincent Venera was a dead serious preacher, which from my limited interpretations of the lyrics written in Czechian, taught us the significance of "satan, marihuana, crucifix, atom (!), nuclear, psycho, napalm, kill, alcohol, lucifer"... It probably also meant gibberish when fully translated but then this is the "Kultovni Svaty Vincent" so what do you expect dude?  He snarled himself hoarse to hold dear the words, and many people probably took him very seriously, like the way the audiences cheered the band on some live tracks from the album. Now, this is disturbing! Talk about the after effects of suppression! To be fair enough, actually there are some tracks that are about to hold some promises, like "Absolutni vedomi" (cool bass!), "Krucifix", "Nekroman", and "Lucifere!" (this one even had a soundtrack somewhere in the middle!), but they eventually ended up as unintelligible fodder for the metal fan when every tracks became melded into a single wavelength of noise, or "message" for the insane. Now, this was a cult legend in their homelands, and I got that impression from some Czech friends and from Dan Edman's website. Dan Edman expressed so much DISTASTE for this album that excited the perverted me to track this LP down. My Czech friends on the contrary give me the thumbs up for this one! The insert has the picture of Vincent Venera in this Anton Lavey posture, and I think that he really beats Big Boss with glasses on. Well, a morbid platter like this and the one from Drakar (a band that is obsessed with dragons and wanking!) should rightfully stayed where they are, that is deep deep down in the underground. Defnitely not "idiot savant" by any stretch of imagination (only the ungodly Flames Of Hell deserve that title!), but this is so awful that it will remain in my collections for a long ime. I'm fucked, that's it!