Johnny's Girls in College Story
Johnny tells this story at a lot of his shows. He changes the story a little bit sometimes. Here is the version I heard. If you know another one, and want to email it to me, go ahead!
Ok, he starts out by asking the crowd, "How many people here are going to college in the next few weeks?" (This concert was at the end of August) The crowd cheers. Then he askes, "How many GIRLS here are going to college?" and the crowd cheers. "If I had a girl, I wouldn't want her to go to college, becuase I've been there and I know how all the guys are. All they want is to get laid." (The guys in the audience yell) "All college basically is," he says "is partying and getting drunk!" (Everyone loves this and is jumping and yelling) "So, let's say you're a girl in college," he says. "One night, you're studying in your room, and this guy knocks on your door and asks if you want to go to a party. You think, 'Why not?' and he leads you to the party. You're sitting there, and someone offers you a drink. And that's the last thing you remember. All of a sudden, you wake up in this strange room. You see some totally ugly guy sleeping next to you "OH NO WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE?' you think to yourself. "WHY DID I EVER SLEEP WITH THIS WIERDO?' then you remmeber being offered a drink last night and taking it. 'What do I do now?' you think. You throw all your clothes back on and start making your way back to your room. You try to keep your head low and pray you don't see anyone you know, because you are wearing the same clothes as yesterday! This is called 'The Walk of Shame'" He then demonstrates his "Walk of Shame" which if you haven't seen it, it hilarious. He walks across the stage, hunched over, his head down, and he makes voices for people talking to him, and them mumbling back comments to them. "Hey Jen," he says in a high voice, then puts his head down again, still walking, and mumbles "um hi" "Hey Jen what's up?" "mmm fuck off," he mumbles. "All you girls out there," he says. "Don't take the beer from the guy at the party! Guys in college are just horny scumbags! Trust me, I've been there, I was one. Don't take the drink, or you will be doing the walk of shame." He then says "I'll give you one piece of advice. If you're in college and want to get laid, TAKE THE GUY BACK TO YOUR ROOM SO HE WILL DO THE WALK OF SHAME!"