All of these are by people I know

I wanted to kiss you....
dancing under the strobe light....
making friends with your mysterious mask....
I wanted to kiss you....
But I didn't.

They might of laughed at me...and I shouldn't think in such ways, twisted. I held the chance for affection in my palm, waited too long, and missed it. Waves carry beats of compassion to my silent sexuality, whispering water calls to some inner beast inside me in the coolness of night, I long to laugh and play in these waves, a naked child unashamed and splashing through the surf. unlearn the learned and mourn, grieve and cry for loved ones as they sleep with dry, untouched, lonely hearts.

I wanted to kill you....
ripping you into a million pieces....
stabbing, poking your body with imaginary knives....
I wanted to kill you....
But I didn't.

Love is like a sprinkler--you've got to give it out or it becomes a stagnant, rusty, useless tool. I wanted to cease your destructiveness, the tears within yourself and those you give to others. I wanted to cut you out of my life, adn stop your darts from bludgeoning my thin, frail backbone. But, I don't know how to live alone as the wolf. I may be punished for my disobedience to the pack. I wanted.to..but I didn't.

I wanted to guide you out of the Underworld....
Holding you tight under the Moon's Light.
Controlling your soul to learn to love the Sun....
I wanted to be your one true love...to give you all of me..
But I didn't.

These eyes all around hold me in their glares, hold me in my place. Your angels fall, flying about your feet, hold back tears and pick up the pieces, again. I wanted to be there, by your side, teaching you to release all that is trapped inside.

But I didn't kiss you....
I didn't kill you....
I didn't give you all that was inside....

The dreams, the wishes, the rage and the passion all recede back to the mother in the low tide of life. Back to the center of my emptiness. I wanted to jump up and scream your name to the Sky Gods who watch upon this little game. I wanted to life you to them and get you out of my consciousness. I wanted to breakthrough all that will never be. I wanted to breakthrough and rip and tear your flesh away, with all my love, with all my hate. I didn't, so I sit alone writing this, sipping steaming coffee and trying to convince myself everything is in it's place.

---------Tavai Thomas

BRANDEN

how do i express what runs through my head
when i lie next to you
a sense of comfort unlike any other, and yet
there's an uneasiness

my soul is strong, and has always prevailed
but it sometimes worries me
i have always pulled through, with a fair amount of success
and once again i'm being tested

thoughts jutting all over, can't sleep can't think
my mind is in shambles
what is this restlessness that has taken over me
why can't i be still

vivid dreams, living in a world of imagination
i only wish to touch reality
events unexplainable, and people that baffle the mind
let me return to where i was

how do you protect those that mean the most to you
when you've lost yourself
how do you begin to find yourself
when you're not sure you're lost

head spinning, eyes fogging, feet failing
why did this all begin
in a world that seems unreal i have landed
it might just be a dream

i'm not sure of anything anymore
not even myself
lying here next to you, many feelings on my mind
comfort, security

although i can't sleep, and will ponder for hours
i feel content
for an arm of care surrounds me and brings positive thoughts
and i smile.

----------Jessica Peterson (me) 13 Oct 97

Love.
One word with unlimited meaning.
For nothing can describe how I feel for you.
How you walk, how you look, how you dream.
I want to share that.
I want you to take me in and make me a part of your life.
I want the word us to have meaning.
Because love is when my hand in yours is the perfect fit.
Love is the perfect harmony of our bodies together.
But, most of all, love is me, wanting to become part of you.

----------Jessica Peterson 18 Dec 94 (for greg)

"to be lonely"

trapped in this realm of loneliness, my thoughts drift about
jumbled and confused
they reach for an answer that seems just beyond their grasp
the question being pondered remains nameless
only such in a form which proves its existence
to reveal itself may prove fatal;
some weaknesses are not yet ready to be uncovered.

as desperate creatures we struggle to stay afloat
fighting and gasping for that last saving breath
our shoulders hold the weight of lost hopes and fallen dreams
under our feet the current washes away the sand
seemingly hopeless we thrash and plead for help
crying to a savior in whom none truly believe
the waves crash around us as we sink below the surface

soon calmness envelops the tired body and peace seeps into the battered soul
as the soft cushion of earth accepts its lost child, the mind discovers the answers it seeks have always lived within
true solitude thus reached, we are once again lifted to wake beyond the tides.

..................Jessica Peterson 3.September.00

I would like to be drawn into the sun
to light the sky, to find love.
Or maybe to shine as bright as a star
glistening, sparkling, inspiring from afar.
I would like to grow as ancient as a tree
strong and tall, providing shelter with each leaf.
I would like to be one with the sky
floating, drifting, capturing dreams as they go by.
I would like to be as soft as the earth
green grass, and great creatures in the dirt
I wish to be inspiration for the world
to change things, and learn as the years unfurl
I hope I can stand proud and true
without judgment, and one with all of you.

---------Jessica Peterson Mar 97

Imagine a place where everyone co-exists in harmony.
A place free of violence.
A place of peace.
A place of love.
A place of unity.
A place where all respect one another.
A place of dance.
A place for us - the party kids -
Every time we come out to a party this is the atmosphere we should try to create.
To come to a party is a whole new level of consciousness.
We need to support what we love.
A party should be a place of tranquility.
When stepping into a party try giving out a hug or two.
Smile at someone, and just try and have a good time.
Project that positive vibe and leave the negative vibe outside the party.
Parties are our safe-haven;
support them for we would all surely miss our place
of peace, love, unity, and respect.
Keep the vibe alive.
Keep on dancing.
*SMILE*
it will make you and someone else feel better.
- much love to the kids -

Casper (Sean)

life mocks me and its beats me
and i stumble through every turn
i'm trapped in the midst of deception
to be free again i yearn

the years i live bring many things
most of which i ponder
it seems i'm in a hellish maze
as alone and scared i wander

theres just one hope that keeps me strong
and it forms my very soul
the thought that truth is mine to glimpse
its solidarity keeps me whole

every now and then i find that one
who looks through into me
and its because of them i carry on
for they feel what no one sees

these are the people for whom i'd give my life
the very one i hold so dear
they mean more to me than words can say
for with them i have nothing to fear

my mommy is at the top of this list
in her magnificence, brave and true
i love you more than you'll ever know
for all i am i owe to you

true friends are precious but i'm learning still
that within many secrets lie
and to find these souls is a lonely task;
one must pass many others by

true love is something i have yet to find
although i've glimpsed it once before
but i know in my heart that i'll find someday
the one that i'm meant for

why do we destroy what nurishes our life
and mock all that we need
we took a beautiful place and made it sad
with hearts ruined by ugly deeds

so many people are missing whats real
they want stocks and tickets and bills
when if they'd stop and think they'd realize
they're passing lifes biggest thrills

a single rose given to me
on a doorstep long ago
that so beautifully dried and sits in a vase
means more than a "priceless" van gogh

for me true value cannot be bought
for its found deep within yourself
only through love will you discover its worth
and that is the greatest wealth

the things that matter are the ones that when
i think back i have to smile
like a promise made on a phone one night
and a party at the nile

these are the thoughts that have gotten me through
all the times when i couldn't go on
the people that mean more than they know
your love for me keeps my soul strong

so i guess this is thank you, in the way i know best
with words that come straight from my heart
i love you all dearly, as all of you know
you've been part of me right from the start.

------------jessica peterson 3.october.1998

I do not know if this is wrong or right
but here we are attempting to salute the dead of night
idle conversation leaks out the open door
emotions like spring showers perpetually pour
we talk in silence staring at the glistening stars
a kind of love unknown by the refined world is ours
where only a tight grip of the hand is suffice
to break apart and melt down the rigid walls of ice
I see in you something I did not see before
your tight clasp of my hand would make me feel so secure
burdens resting on my shoulders take off into flight
the unfettered beauty of you never leaves my sight
the frame is of a child, but the picture more mature
owing to all the lonely nights we were forced to endure
all those nights will become days
with the presence of love fulfilling those dreams
that you are dreaming of beauty streams
from within though you try to conceal
is this a dream or could it dare to be real?

-------Stacy Chivers

the thoughts of you float in my head
they will never escape me till i'm dead
i'm locked away in my mental cell
being without you is pure hell
your always there inside of me
you're the one that holds the key
i've never felt this way about anyone before
the feeling is new yet i must have more
only when i can be with you
our worries will become so few
to smother you with soft kisses
is one of my most wanted wishes
i will love you till the day i die
one thing i never do is lie
i promise you with all my heart
you will never see me part
we'll cuddle snuggle and sip on iced tea
never think too hard, for that would ask too much of me
holding hands as the sun goes down
i never want to see you frown
your love surrounds me all day long
that alone is what keeps me strong
not being with you now is like hell
i'm stuck for now in my mental cell
you're the only one that holds the key
please come here and rescue me

--------Stacy Chivers

The voices merge, as if only one sound,
searching for nothing, something was found.
Numb, crawling over me, making me dream,
Covering me softly, asphyxiated, I scream.
Entwined, it captivates, securing the whole,
Quietly, pearching, does it reach and steal my soul.
As fades the light, strikes all with it's dull shine,
Damp, it's losing me...I feel the colours entwine.

--------Kasi

As I walk the way of the storm,
footsteps marked with violent pain,
I walk the way to complicate,
something that was mine to regain.
I walk right through the thunder,
I walk straight into pain,
As I raise my head up to the clouds,
I see darkness, and I feel the rain.
My solitude you are haunting me,
like the shadow beneath my form.
The touch of rain, it chills my soul,
as I try to keep myself warm.
As I observe the strange new surroundings,
lightning bids me closer to the sky.
I venture into the eye of the storm,
wondering....have I finally learned how to fly?

--------Kasi

This smile is so broken,
stingingly insincere,
strongly captivating,
clutching at your fear.

Kneel upon cold ground,
Sharp I let it scrape me,
contemplate what was found,
I let the fear escape me.

Softly lit embers fade,
destroy the calming grey.
don't destroy their softness,
prolonging them to stay.

Silently it consumes me,
etched upon my crystal skin,
devouringly it drains me,
the acceptance that I sin.

--------Kasi

I feel the sharp scrape,
I know it will swell,
to look as if sold,
to feel the need to sell.
Tired and wilting,
bent beyond shape,
thorns of inequity,
I silently scrape.
Innocence shines,
salt remains calm,
I spin so very softly,
I stray from all harm.
Distance frightens me,
why do i think?
Underwater I float,
I wish I could sink.

-----------Kasi

Along the way where did I fall?
Follow the unspoken, yet piercing call.
Kneel with me and scream my pain.
The trust of a confessor, so hard to regain.
Hear me when I have nothing to say,
calm me when silence increases it's stay.
Kneel wiht me and speak my pain.
Seek the distance I forever strain.

-------------Kasi