Xera's note: Ok, this is a FAKE interview. But it's hilarious! Read it!
Interview with Billy Corgan by Pepe LePunk
FAKE interview from Melody maker, July 2 1994, p. 55
Each week, Pepe LePunk, Euro-journalist and editor of the Brussels-based "Pissing Boys Are Go-Go!" fanzine, tracks down the stars and asks the questions the people of Belgium want answering... this week: Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins
Scene: Backstage at the Rock Till You Are Hot! Club in Antwerp
BILLY'S MANAGER: Billy, I know you've just come offstage and you're tired, but I've had this guy pestering me all through the tour to do an interview, if you could just give him a few minutes of your time..
BILLY (serenely): Hey man, that's cool. I know in the past I've taken the attentions of the rock press a little badly - like that time when I appeared onstage in a clown's costume, or that other time after that review when I curled up into a foetal ball in the corner of a dark room for three days without food, without water and without saying anything, except to make a low, drawn-out clucking sound every 15 minutes ... I've still got the review somewhere .. bastards ... but, hey, I'm over that now. I am calm. I just step back. I can handle it. Wheel the guy in.
MANAGER: Well, OK .. In you go, Pepe. You're in luck.
PEPE: Yes. Unfortunately, Mr. Corgan is not in luck, as I have only four hours to spare, then I must go.
MANAGER: Four hours??? Hey, man, in 10 minutes, you are history! I-
PEPE (slamming door in manger's face): Hello.
BILLY: Hi, Pepe. Very pleased to meet you.
PEPE: Yes, you are. But please to excuse me. My name is not Pepe. It is Pepe..
BILLY: Oh. Mispronounced it, huh? Hi then, Pepe.
PEPE: No. You still do not have it quite right. Pepe!
BILLY. Pepe! There, how's that?
PEPE: No Pepe.
BILLY: Pepe!
PEPE: Still you are wrong. It is simple. On the last syllable, say it like you are snorting a peanut through your nostril, swallowing it, then coughing it up and spitting it out. Pepe!
BILLY (tetchily): Look, let's just take your name as read, huh?
PEPE: No, it is important that we carry on until ou get it right. Try it again. Pepe!
BILLY: Listen, Peppy, just ask me some questions, huh?
PEPE (coldly): Very well. Willy, I have read that ..
BILLY: Hey. Excuse me. My name is not Willy.
PEPE: And my name is not "Peppy", either. Willy, how do you feel that your career in rock, you owe it to an advertisement for a pair of trousers, or pantalons?
BILLY: What on earth are you talking about?
PEPE: The advertisement with the young ladies holding zer denim trousers and zer man in zer wateur. That is you, yes?
BILLY: No, no. That's not us. That's Stiltskin.
PEPE: Yes. And tonight, on zer stage you said, "We're the Smashing Pumpkins? No, actually, we're Stiltskin." I can play it back on zer bootleg I made of your performance.
BILLY: You made a bootleg of my gig? Why, you little -! Listen, that was a joke, right? A joke? Pronounced, like, "joke"! Get it? Don't you people have a sense of humour?
PEPE: Of course zer Belgians hav a sense of humour. Our short animated film, "Moukie The Abstract Mouse", won an award in Canada in 1977. So you made this song for the trouseurs advert, you say, as a joke. What is so funny about trouseurs?
BILLY: Jesus Christ, you pain-in-the-ass Euro-asshole ... when I said we were "Stiltskin", I meant THAT as a joke. We're not the Pumpkins - we're the Smashing Stiltskins - I mean, the Pumpkins ... we're the Smashing Pumpkins, right?
PEPE: I see. And how do I know that you are not making the joke now, you little hot dog, yes?
BILLY: Wha- yes! OK, yes, fine! I am! We're actually Stiltskin, we're a big f***ing joke, and my name's Willy the Clown, are you satisfied? You got a big enough piece of me now?
PEPE: I have many other questions. Are you part of The New Wave of The New Wave? What is your favourite Belgian city? Will you come to my Grandmother's pumpkin baking party on Sunday, it may be interesting for you, yes? Why do you not play more jazz? Why are all your albums crap? ...
BILLY (crouched in a foetal ball in the corner of the room): Cluck ..... cluck ..... cluck ..... cluck- AW!
[back to the library]