I haven't written anything for Back To Nowhere in quite a while now. Since the end of May in fact. I've really been wondering whether it's worth bothering. Does anyone really want to read what's written here? Is it really going to make any difference whether I put my silly reviews up on the web or not? I seriously doubt that it will make any difference to be honest and even more, if I'm not having fun writing stuff then I don't really want to do it. I already have one job. Back To Nowhere should be a fun thing and shouldn't feel like a chore. When I go to a gig I don't want to feel obligated that I have to put a review up of that show. Why should I? A couple of the comments in the guestbook have suggested that I should but fuck that! I've asked people for reviews for this site and we've had a couple of things from Jono and that's it. Stop moaning then and write.

And so I've decided to start again. There are a couple of unfinished things on this site - I haven't updated the gig list for ages for a start and there's also the US Gig Guide that I've been working on. I also want to stick a reviews section up here. I have loads of records, old and new, that deserve inclusion I think. I haven't stopped going to gigs either and so when I feel like it I'll put some new reviews up here. But why have I decided to start writing stuff again? Basically, I've always liked to write. I used to write in notebooks when I was younger. I would write pages and pages and pages every day. Half of it was about nothing but some of it, such as the diary I wrote when I went to Allegheny College and to Boston was special to me. That's the kind of thing that makes me want to write. And the other thing that made me want to start again was this morning when I saw that The Tone had bothered to put a link to this site on their site. I was quite surprised but really happy to see it and it's that kind of thing which inspires me enough to carry on.

It's been over a month now and I can remember some of the gigs that I've been to but there have been to many to remember. The latest ones have been Sonic Youth, Leatherface, The Dismemberment Plan and The Parasites. All of them were fabulous shows. Leatherface is the clearest one in my mind as that was the most recent. It was at Harlow Square, a venue I'd heard a lot about but never actually been to. Nick mailed me from San Francisco to tell me about the place - apparently, I would like it a lot because there's two bars (one upstairs and one downstairs) and a great jukebox. The place is also very intimate. Well he was right. It's a small little place to see bands - seems strange to me that the Buzzcocks played there last year just after I saw them at the ohhhh just a little bit larger London Astoria ;-) I didn't see much of the jukebox though as that was downstairs and there was enough going on upstairs to keep us entertained.

The first thing that was good was the music that was being played upstairs - lots of tunes from the Fat Wreck Short Music CD plus songs by people like Supersuckers and Husker Du. Great stuff if you ask me - better than the shit they always play at the Garage anyway and DEFINITELY better than the crap that you always hear at the Astoria and the Shepherd's Bush Empire.

Anyway, the first band on were called Dwarf Antidote and they were a standard shouty with some singalonga punk band. Not terrible but not amazing either. The most entertaining thing about them was the accompanying video which featured the oh-so-modest cameraman which we saw running around the room while they were playing. The drummer obviously had some talent as well and I enjoyed the songs that he sang the most. Some of the crowd were going fucking nuts during this lot's set and I just wished that they would all die (as I told Kerry). I'm not a fan of the violent smashing and pushing around that seems so prevalent at some shows because, to be honest, it doesn't seem to have a lot to do with what's going on on stage. What I like about the bands I love the most is that they move me in some way - they cause some feeling and emotion (and that has nothing to do with emo, before you think that) inside me and make me just want to jump around and dance around and either smile from ear to ear or just sigh with happiness and even cry. That's what I want to feel from music, not bashing into people when it obviously can hurt people. Having said that, if that's what you want to do then go ahead. I'm not going to stop you. Just don't expect me to join in.

Second on were Southport. When we arrived at the venue (we, by the way, being myself, Stu, Kerry and Mates) we weren't too sure whether Southport would be playing. The last show that I saw was with Duncan from Snuff on drums and I didn't know whether they had a new permanent drummer or not. Our fears were happily proved to be groundless when we saw Simon wandering around and a few minutes later Southport came on with their new drummer, another Duncan, this one formerly of Dogpiss.

And what a great fucking set. It was pretty much the same one as they always but from start to finish and I was in rapture as the songs are just so fucking great. I don't know if I'm looking forward to the album coming out though because, having already heard a promo copy at Cov John's, I don't think Simon's voice is half as good on record as it is live. Maybe it'll grow on me though. Highlights for me are still Déjà vu and Work ("don't think I'll be going in tomorrow" is a wonderful sing-a-long line for the masses ;-)

Leatherface were next and last on. I saw Frankie a couple of minutes before they came on as I was going in to the loos. He looked completely wrecked and he always does everytime I see him. This is one of the things that always amazes me about him - I swear he's always pissed at the start of gigs (as are the rest of the band) and yet they come onto the stage and proceed to blow everybody away. Tonight they open with Discipline which is one of my favourite songs from the Cherry Knowle and follow that with a set of songs which is perfection in every way - Do The Right Thing, Gang Party, Not Superstitious, Little White God, Springtime, Sour Grapes, Lorrydrivers Son, Message In A Bottle and more. How could things be better than this? Frankie is on rare form deriding the "kids with their mobile phones" and also showing us why they could never be a Fat Wreck band (fuck-up central). They're all loving and they're all giving their all dancing around the stage - apart from Laney who would probably find it quite difficult to run around with a drumkit.

11pm came and we all went for the train back to London. That went off without any incident but the evening had an interesting ending with encounters with moronic DLR staff and an oh so fun journey to find a cab in the Canary Wharf area. Still, it all ended happily and we all went back to Kerry and Mates' place for some food and some well-needed sleep! Overall that night had been a very interesting one. Not only had we seen some good bands I'd learned things about these people - some of which I didn't like and some of which I loved. It's all good.

Don't worry, I'm not going to go into this much detail with all the bands I mentioned above. This one is pretty much a one-off as far as the above bands first mentioned above are concerned I think. There's no need to go into so much detail with everyone. To be honest, the thing that's pissing me off the most right now is that these headphones I've plugged in aren't working half as well as I'd hoped they would. What is it about headphones that three months after you get them they fuck up in one ear and so don't work to any decent level anymore???? It's happened with every fucking pair of headphones I've owned. Maybe it's because I've always bought the cheaper ones. Ok, the really cheap ones. But why do they always break in this particular way??? I shouldn't even be thinking about this kind of pathetic shit really… there are so many more important things to worry about but this is the way my temperament is. I read punk literature, listen to great music and try to live my life true to myself and decently to other people but I fail in that constantly. I have irrational, angry feelings toward both strangers and people I know every day and I am materialistic in too many ways. I worry constantly about what the hell the point is with life and work and going out and trying to make it work. I think in this pattern :

1) Why can't I make it work? Why do I lose the things I love the most? What is the point of all this?

2) Oh, it doesn't matter. I'll just enjoy what I have.. go out, have good times with the friends that I have.

3) Work all day so I can do this, go out at night and have a pretty nice time seeing a show. Then go home and worry because I didn't spend the evening catching up with everything else that I have to do.

4) Get up in a morning hungover and wanting to stay at home all day because my head is pounding like someone is standing over me with a hammer.

5) Struggle through the day not even thinking, doing nothing useful and wondering what the point is.

6) Go home alone thinking Why can't I make it work? Why am I not happy? How and why do I lose the people that I love the most? What the point in even trying?

It's the same thing over and over and over again. Stolen moments of happiness and then even briefer moments of irrationality where I spoil everything. Stupid actions and fucking ridiculously stupid flippant remarks that just hurt people. The instant they come out of my mouth I know that they are wrong and later I analyse my actions to death… to a degree that is unhealthy for my sanity. This winds me up even more and just makes me unhappier.. And the cycle begins again.

We're going down a bad road here. This went from a review to a therapy session. I think it's time to finish for the night.

--- Chris