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Chris - Monday 29th May - 12:10am

I've got about three reviews I need to write for this site at some point soon before I forget all those shows. They are Burning Airlines at the Underworld (special and wonderful for several reasons), Snuff at the Astoria (Snuff aren't the old Snuff any more... but this was fucking brilliant) and Grand Central at the Falcon (this band deserves more.. the fucking guitar player... wow :) Will that do for now?

Well, I hope so because what I want to talk about is dreams. Not your "hopes and dreams and ambitions" and all that stuff.. but your dreams. The majorly bizarre things that pop into my mind during the night sometimes. These have become ever more frequent over the past couple of weeks and I know why. It's because of someone named Alison. It's perfectly evident in my long review of those shows and the surrounding events that I have some kind of feelings for this person. But I'm also well aware that she may read that review and this column at some point in the future and that makes things quite difficult because I don't want to come across as some sad freak. However, I don't want to censor myself because of it. They're only words after all. My dreams seem to have revolved around the fact that I've never spoken to her.. and I find that fact silly basically because I've spoken to everyone else in the band. Why not her? Kerry said the other day that she probably thinks "why the hell hasn't he spoken to me? Is it because I'm a girl?" and I chuckled. (even though it could be true I suppose!)

My dream last night was .. I almost want to say amusing. It's nothing like the others in that I can actually remember things people said during this one and there was some kind of breakthrough in my thinking. People were arguing and I couldn't see why people were getting upset because it just seemed to be some kind of big joke. However I saw this as my big chance and turned over (because we were having some kind of fuckin' slumber party or something!), looked down at her and said "hey, you might have seen me around this past couple of weeks. I just wanted to say hello". And she smiled and said she had seen me and said hello back.

Next thing I know I'm starting university somewhere in the states and I run into her on some kind of moving walkway. We talk a little bit and then we get off the walkway and I walk her down to her class "Television Art 511". What the hell is this class? I don't know.. but she tells me I should check the board up the hill for my class... I run up the hill because I know I'm really late for my first class. It's dark outside though which makes no sense. Anyway, I'm scared because I'm late but I reach the board.. .... And that's all I remember.

What is that all about?????? I don't know but I swear that's what I dreamed.

I sound like a complete freak I know but I need to stress something about my review. I came across wrong. Yes, I like her but I don't know her. I'm far too aware of the Fracture interview with Discount where the first question was something like "how does it feel that 5 out of 10 letters say 'hi alison / discount, i'm in love with your singer' and I sound like one of those letters. The reason I have regrets most of all is that all the shows affected me so strongly and I identified with those people and the ideas and emotions those songs expressed. They changed me. They all meant a whole lot to me, every single time, and I just wanted to say hello to her and thanks to everyone. I had the chance to, several times, and yet I didn't grasp those opportunities. That's what hurts. So let me do it now - thankyou for making me think and making me smile and making my heart ache. It's been wonderful.

I'm happy and I hope you are too - hope to see lots of people at the Cartoon! :)

--- Chris