COLUMNS

Chris - Monday 29th May - 10:32pm

When something happens which overshadows your entire day what else are you supposed to talk about? I could say "fuck em - they're not important. We had more fun than they could ever have" but something like this is too important to me. Why does this kind of thing ever happen?

It's the end of the all-dayer.. we've called at KFC.. Nick has a burger or something and I've got a beautiful Chicken Variety Meal - my usual and my favourite. It's my sin really. The thing that keeps me alive - and probably the thing that will kill me in the end. We get on the bus. A couple of stops later a few girls get on the bus.. Banter ensues.. They say "errrr. it smells of shit, piss.. it smells like chicken!!!" "Well fuck off to the back then" I say in reply. Apparently they can't handle that but we think it's all in good fun at first. They're screaming and shouting along on the journey and me and Nick are laughing and enjoying our food and remembering the day past. The girls get up to get off the bus and one says "I hope you choke on that chicken bone". Nick, in reply, says "I hope you choke on your dad's cock". Somehow, the banter isn't well received anymore. Funny that. One girl starts hitting Nick while another that is sitting on the ledge at the front kicks him in the face. He gets up to defend himself.. and oh, that ain't right. Their male friends suddenly appear from the back. One has an alarm which he screams on at full volume... "you can't say anything about her family!!!!"... Oh, so it's alright for people to kick my friend in the face???? Well fuck you. And do you know why I couldn't do anything? Because they were black and we were white. I'm trying to separate everybody whilst still sitting down and this fucking alarm is still screaming at full volume and, funnily enough, the girls have run off the bus now. The big bloke is trying to get Nick off the bus, obviously because Nick is causing vast amounts of trouble (yeah right). And of course, Nick wasn't going to get the shit kicked out of him if he got off the bus, oh no. That would never happen.

Who gives a fuck? Apparently they do.. Anyone else, if I stand up and defend my friend, then it's fine. Tonight? If I'd hit ANYONE it would have been a fucking race crime... and they knew it, hence that ridiculous alarm which I feel like sticking where the sun don't shine. They were ready for it. How fucked up is that?

I really do not know what to make of this world. All I really want is for people to live together, having fun, being healthy, listening to good music, falling in love, eating good chicken :-) and oh.. fucking hell.. having an amazing time. I don't understand where all this badness comes from. Tonight there were three girls getting off the bus. When Nick made his joke one of them was laughing! The rest weren't. Suddenly people can't take a joke. I had that for 11 years growing up. Jibes, names, pain, violence. I want to fucking take this screen that I see these words appearing on and throw it at the wall because I can't quell the bad feelings inside of me.

And I *hate* the fact that this has overshadowed everything else today.

Shit. I wish it didn't and I wish I had the words to express that bus ride home properly because I sound like a shit. Hopefully the people that know me will know otherwise.

--- Chris