A couple of weeks back I was a right nob about apparently being forced to go to said event but calmed down and eventually went along quietly, with the genuine intention of playing up at the first available opportunity. Sadly this oppurtunity would not come about...

Arrived at BBC in White City at 6PM and allowed through the gates with only a minor security hassle, before tickets were checked for the 1st time and numbered stickers issued, as only so many people would be allowed in. Decide almost instantly I would rather be going to Parkinson. Minor sulk nearly happens when I see the queue for the bar has about 300 people in it, but I manage to get a beer before realising I have fallen asleep and woken up in a white trash hell; by the looks on some peoples faces the following evening in a television studio will be a defining moment in their lives.

After waiting to have our numbers called out we make our way through a series of corridors and queue again to be let into the studio, during this period I am accused of looking as though I'm going to burst into tears, which I very probably may have done if I was forced to listen to anymore of the inane shit that was being talked about around me for much longer than I had to.

Finally get in the studio at just after 7PM. Some alledged funny fucker called Danny, well actually I thought he was funny other people just thought he was rude, gets the crowd "going" and tells them exactly what to do, when to clap, when to smile, when to dance - you get the picture. After 15 minutes of practicing applauding The Bluetones appear, play the same song twice ( technical fuck up means they have to do it again) and then 2 more for the future shows. At least they play and sing live.

Then presenter Lisa Snowden makes an appearance and fucks up her quite shockingly simple lines for the first of many times. Her incompetence does seem to be a bit of a joke amongst the cameramen though. 2 fucking moron rugby players seem quite taken with her and spend the whole proceedings attempting to get in a shot with her.

Drum n Bass/Jazz act ShyFX (i think) mimed their way through some chart hit which in fairness is alright, a man of at least 25 looks as though he may burst into tears when he is told he has to move out of the crowd at the front, I feel very sorry for him and almost tell him he can have my place then realise he abviously has issues he needs to resolve and change my mind. Girlfriend looks as though she may get in a fight, nice change there then. After ShyFX finish Lisa Snowden takes about 15 attempts before she gets her lines right, she is standing right behind me and I have to try very hard not completely crack up, my girlfriend gets excited because the back of her head is in shot.

Highlight of the night is the appearence of Sir Cliff Richard to mime through his new song. Decide I must get in shot, girlfriend gets in the front row, I make it to 3 rows from the front. It is going to be broadcast next month, we shall see what happens.

Then everyone - about 250 people - are crowded into an area 10 meters sq at the back of the studio so Lisa Snowden can fuck up her line about 10 times, during this point the rugby players fufill their lifetimes ambition and get in a shot with her. Then that is it - 3 acts and a shitload of organised cheering. No opportunities to play up, nothing to steal and constant accusations of not smiling enough, like I should have to do it to order.

I can't believe people live their lives out waiting for evenings like this.

-- Jono