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(All of a sudden the show starts and some pyros shoot up. Then a rumble starts to happen and some drunk guy shouts "EARTHQUAKE" but then some other drunk shouts "NO! IT'S AL friggin GORE!" But some drunken girl shouts "IT'S FAT MAN!" Then Fat Man comes out but can't fit through the new CrackDown entrance. So he just backs up and then "runs" through and comes out. One of the chairs fall and hangs around his fat neck. He tries to pull it off but does it unsucessfully so shrugs. He then comes down the ramp shaking the arena with each step. He's about to go into the ring but then remembers that he's supposed to go to the announcer's table and goes. He grabs a seat and Joel looks at him. He sits in it and it bends. He grabs a headset.)
Fat Man - Welcome to the Phattest show, CIA CRACKDOWN!
Joel - DAMN! THIS THING IS SWEATY COLE!
(Joel jumps over the announce table and then goes to Justin's side. He pushes him over and sits in Cole's seat.)
Justin Cole - Hello Fat Man.
Joel - Hello you average American. THANK GOD I'M CANADIAN!
Fat Man - Where's the cotton candy man?
Joel - He'll be coming for Justin soon. You both are fat Americans!
Justin Cole - Anyway folks welcome to CIA CrackDown! As you know it's the last CrackDown before Christmas!
Joel - Big friggin deal! I just wanna say that next week we'll be joined by the dumbest American alive, George friggin Bush!
Justin Cole - Anyways Nina Garcia is backstage with "GM" Chit Brickhouse.
(The scene changes to Nina outside of Chit's office. She knocks on the door and Richard is heard yelling. The camera cuts to where Richard is inside alone on the phone.)
Richard - WAIT A MINUTE! Go ahead Chit. *Chit* WHAT? *Chit* WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE STUCK IN TRAFFIC? *Chit* I GOT A MATCH TONIGHT! *Chit* OK FINE! I'M HIRING WHO IS EVER AT THE DOOR.
(Richard shuts the phone off and then the lights go out.)
Richard - OH GREAT! NOW THE FUCKING LIGHTS WENT OUT!
Fat Man - I smell Pizza.
Joel - I don't smell Pizza. I just smell the stinking sweat of two Americans.
Justin Cole - I'm not fat!
Richard - Dammit. I gotta kick Sexyking's ass.
(Richard leaves the room and Nina has a mic.)
Nina - Cheif Bregnard, where's GM Brickhouse?
Richard - In traffic. WHY?
Nina - I needed an interview.
Richard - Good. I have a few words for you. NEVER COME HERE AGAIN!
Nina - Ok Scrooge.
Richard - WHAT?
Nina - Nothing.
Richard - Know what you sexist interviewer, you're now officially released from CrackDown interview duties.
Nina - You can't fire me!
Richard - YOU'RE FIRED FROM CRACKDOWN!
(Richard laughs and walks off. Then Sexyking comes out and speaks some Finnish crap and a ref follows him. The scene cuts and "House Burning Down" by Jimi Hendrix starts to play and Richard Bregnard comes out wearing his suit. He comes down to the ring and enters the ring. He raises his Clipboard and puts it in the ring. He goes under the ring and grabs what seems to be a flame-welding tool. He carefully places it into the ring and rolls under.)
Announcer Guy - IN THE RING, "CHEIF OF STAFF" RICHARD BREGNARD!
(Richard grabs the mic.)
Richard - Before the match starts let me introduce you to this Announcer. HE IS STRONG BAD!
Joel - WHO?
Fat Man - I need a donut.
Justin Cole - Wait a minute Fat. I think he's the new guy hired by The X...
Joel - But his name's Strong Bad! He must be a Strong Bad wannabe or something...
Strong Bad - And his opponent, SEXYKI-
(He is cut off by "Voodoo Child" and out from the back comes Body Breaker. He comes down to the ring and grabs the mic off of Cheif Bregnard.)
Body Breaker - First off, Steiner, come Bloodbath you're dead! And if anyone wants to know what happened to Sexyking, well here's the footage.
(We cut to where Sexyking is walking with the ref. They stop at a locker room.)
Sexyking - I am going to win the Hardcore title!
(The Scene then freezes as Bregnard is yelling.)
Richard - Who the hell do you think you are? I'M THE PEANUT BUTTER JELLY MAN!
Body Breaker - So? You look like a big pussy to me.
(The crowd cheers and Richard gets mad.)
Richard - Well since you jumped Sexyking then you'll be fighting me at the PPV instead! IN MY HOMETOWN OF BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS! In A Peanut Butter Jelly Sandwich match on a pole!
(All of a sudden PBJ Time plays and Richards dances. He then leaves the ring and Body Breaker just looks at him.)
Fat Man - MMM. Peanut Butter Jelly Sandwiches. Where's the popcorn man?
(The camera shows Fat Man with all food around him. Justin Cole is looking at it and Joel shakes his head.)
Joel - While you two fat Americans look at food something's happening backstage.
(The scene cuts backstage where the garage is. In comes a station wagon and in it is Chit Brickhouse. He pulls up and stops with a screech. He gets out and is wearing a referee shirt. He then hurries out of the garage.)
Fat Man - MMM. Donuts.
Joel - You're so fat and disgusting and I want to kick your fat ass.
Strong Bad - This match is for the Underworld Title. Coming to the ring, the guest referee, GM, CHIT BRICKHOUSE
("House Burning Down" by Jimi Hendrix starts to play and the crowd boos. Chit comes running down and gets into the ring. Clapping is heard and the screen cuts to where Joel is standing and clapping. Fat Man is eating a pizza.)
Fat Man - This pizza is good.
Justin Cole - Yes it is.
Joel - Slobs.
Strong Bad - The challenger,
(Then some rock music plays and Hardbody comes out. The crowd goes wild and she comes down. Chit stops her and pats her down for weapons. After like 3 minutes he stops touching her ass and is about to touch her other areas but she pulls away. Chit then goes after her but she gives him a warning look.)
Strong Bad - And finally CLINT REZNER!
(Some gothic music plays and Clint comes out. Cristina follows him and they head down to the ring. Clint rolls under the ropes and stares down Hardbody and Chit goes to check for weapons on Cristina but Clint shoves him. He then calls for the bell.)
Joel - Chit is a very smart man, y'know Fat Man.
Fat Man - But pizza is smarter.
Justin Cole - I agree.
Joel - Fat...
(Hardbody grapples with Clint. Clint goes for a bodyslam but Hardbody reverses into a behind grapple. She german suplexes him.)
Justin Cole - HOLY CRAP! WHAT A GERMAN!
Joel - Chit's was better. The Mad Dog Slam totally rules.
Fat Man - I like Cotton Candy better.
Joel - You fat ass and your food.
(Hardbody stomps on Clint a few times and then grabs his legs. He's about to fistdrop his groin but Chit pulls her away. He then holds on to her until she low blows him with her leg. Chit falls down.)
Joel - SHE CAN'T DO THAT!
(Clint gets up and is standind poised when Hardbody hits a Superkick on him. She then locks in the Irresistable Crush on Clint and he taps out. Realizing they could lose their job no ref comes out. She keeps it locked on until Clint goes limp. Cristina gets in and runs after Hardbody who clotheslines her. Hardbody pins Clint and Chit wakes up.)
Joel - C'mon Clint, DQ her!
Justin Cole - Why? She didn't do anything.
Fat Man - I know. I wanted to eat a pizza with her.
Joel - STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD!
Fat Man - I can't. It tastes so good!
(Chit sees the pin and counts. 1 *long pause* 2 *long pause* 3! He then goes for the Underworld title as the bell rings.)
Strong Bad - The winner and NEW Underworld Champion, HARDBODY!
(Chit has the belt and Hardbody goes for it. Chit then hits her in the head with the belt. She falls and Chit looks at the belt and drops it on Hardbody. He then helps Clint and Cristina up and Chit walks backstage alone. The scene changes to The X, Al and Jeebus who are backstage "preparing" for their match.)
Jeebus - THIS POT RULES!
Al - Yeah where'd you get it?
The X - British Columbia.
Jeebus - Huh?
The X - The X got it in Canada!
Al - Will you stop doing that?
(Richard Bregnard comes in eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He sees The X, Jeebus and Al smoking pot and stops.)
Richard - Pot smoking is not allowed backstage unless it's medical pot.
The X - The X, Jeebus and Rittah need it for medical reasons.
Richard - Oh ok.
(Richard leaves with his sandwich. The X, Al and Jeebus start to laugh.)
Al - What a loser.
The X - The X says The X and you two need to think up a plan for The X's and your match tonight!
Jeebus - STOP IT!
The X - The X doesn't know what you're talking about.
(Al cracks up and the scene changes to Wolf smoking some pot alone with R3 and G2R talking.)
G2R - Should we trust him?
R3 - He is my brother.
G2R - But what if he turns on us?
R3 - Or even worse, gets DQed!
(G2R and R3 shiver as Wolf comes to the table.)
Wolf - Hey bro and friend. I just thought I'd go look for some more pot.
(G2R and R3 look at the big bag where the X was sitting and then look at each other.)
Wolf - Wanna come?
R3 and G2R - No. We're gonna think of a plan.
Wolf - Cool, whatever.
(Wolf walks off and the scene changes to the ring.)
Strong - This match is for the Insane title! Coming to the ring, the team off Street Boy, The Great Buddah and The Iceman!
(They all come out to some really bad music. They enter the ring and start to argue with each other about who's going first.)
Strong - And their opponent, the CIA Insane Champion, PRIME OFFENDER!
(Prime comes down to the ring with his title and gets into the ring. He drops his title and watches the three argue. The bell rings.)
Joel - Prime shouldn't win this match.
Justin Cole - Why?
Joel - Because. It's 3-on-1!
Fat Man - HELP! I'M GETTING BEAT UP BY MARS BARS!
(Prime Offender clotheslines Street Boy and The Great Buddah who both roll out of the ring. He then grabs The Iceman and powerbombs him. He pins him and Don Wolverton counts 1...2...3. The bell rings and Prime grabs his belt and leaves.)
Joel - WHAT A BAD MATCH!
Justin Cole - Well Prime won.
Joel - But he was fighting 3 jobbers!
Fat Man - ARGH! THE CANDY IS ATTACKING!
Justin Cole - But a win is a win.
(The scene changes to Slash looking for someone with his belt when The Green Blazer comes out of nowhere with a rope and kicks Slash from behind. A bell rings and Scott Owen comes out of the broom closet. The Green Blazer pins him ...1...2...3!)
Justin Cole - We have a new Hardcore champion!
Joel - So quick...
Fat Man - ARGH......
(All of a sudden Johnny Justice comes and attacks Blazer with a chair. He pins Blazer and Owen counts, 1...2...3. He grabs the belt and starts to run but Cash comes out of a room and kicks Justice. He then puts his hand on Justice's neck and hits the Badass Chokeslam. He pins him and Owen counts the three count. Cash grabs the title and runs into the closet. Slash tries to open it but can't. He sits outside the door and the scene fades to a Ritter Chocolate commercial. It comes back and Joel, Justin Cole and Fat Man are at the table. Justin and Fat Man are eating some food and Joel sighs.)
Joel - Well the main event is next!
Justin Cole - True. This food rules Fat Man.
Fat Man - Yes it does. Thanks for eating the candy for me.
Justin Cole - Welcome.
Joel - You two are fat gay asses.
(Before Joel says another word "I'm a Loser" [OOC: I had to do it Al :)] starts to hit and Al Ritter, The X and Jeebus comes out. Al looks at the speakers and yells at them. He starts to argue with a speaker and The X and Jeebus drag him down to the ring.)
Strong Bad - This match is a 6 Man Tag Captain Elimination match! Coming down the aisle, THE X and his tag partners, AL RITTER AND JEEBUS!
(They get in the ring [well actually, The X and Jeebus drag Al in the ring] and they wait for their opponents.)
Strong Bad - And their opponents, WOLF and his partners, ROCK-STAR RICHARD ROYAL and GORGEOUS GARRET ROGERS!
(They come out and "Mary Had A Little Lamb" by Stevie Ray Vaughan starts to play. They come down to the ring and get in. Wolf stays out though and grabs a chair. He puts it under the ropes. Garret leaves and Al and Jeebus also leave. The bell rings.)
Joel - This should be interesting.
Justin Cole - Yeah.
(R3 and The X lockup. R3 irish whips The X to the ropes and backdrops him. R3 sees the chair and grabs it. But before he can use it Al comes in and spears him causing him to drop the weapon. R3 tags out to Wolf and R3 and G2R leave the ring area. They go up the ramp and head backstage.)
Justin COle - It's 3-on-1! I don't beleive this! What quitters.
Joel - But they are smart. See, now they can prepare for their Handicap match.
Justin Cole - Whatever.
(The X and Wolf lockup. The X bodyslams Wolf and tags out to Jeebus. Jeebus then brutally attacks Wolf. He keeps punching him and then picks him up. All of a sudden though The X and Al Ritter are taking off the ring apron.)
Joel - It's R3 and G2R! I told you they were smart.
(G2R and R3 both grabs chairs and attack The X and Al with them. THey then get into the ring and hit Jeebus twice [once each] with them. All 4 men are down when they wave their arms. Out comes Clint who has a chair of his own. He comes down and R3 and G2R hold Wolf up. He gets into the ring and takes aim. He then wacks Wolf over the head and the bell rings. G2R and R3 drop Wolf and Clint raises their arms. The scene then fades to the CIA logo as all the bodies lay down on the mat.)
[OOC: Sorry it's late :(]
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