A SON ANGERED BY FATHER'S OMISSIONS
Julian Lennon has bared his soul about the murder of his father and the Beatles star John, and spoken of the anger he felt about the breakdown of his relationship with his absent father.
In a message timed to mark the 20th anniversary of the shooting, he told how John was a "guiding light" who was "sucked into a black hole". Comments posted on Julian's website point the finger at John's fear of fatherhood and his relationship with Yoko Ono, for the distance that came between them.
Julian has long been bitter about the rift that occurred, but in his message he speaks with warmth about his half-brother Sean.
"I have a brother and I love Sean very much and I hope that he's able to cope with his destiny," he said. "One thing's for sure, he's got a big brother who will protect him and love him til the end, whatever happens." In his 500 word statement, 37-year-old Julian spoke of how his father lived with him and his mother, Cynthia, for only a few years.
"After that I only saw him a handful of times before he was killed. Sadly, I never really knew the man," he said. "I think that the work he produced was incredible and so was what he achieved with his three friends, Paul, George and Ringo.
"But his work hasn't given me a clear insight into what his real life was about, or how he truly felt about it."
"Life is difficult enough. Trying to find one's own identity makes it even harder, especially when you're not allowed to be you," he said, a reference to the expectation he has had to live up to being the son of a music legend.
Julian, who had hits of his own with "Too Late For Goodbyes" and "Saltwater", said he went through "love/hate relationships" with his father, whether he was there or not.
"I had a great deal of anger towards dad because of his negligence and his attitudes to peace and love. That peace and love never came home to me."
He takes what appears to be a swipe at Ono: "I wonder what it would have been like if he were alive today. I guess it would have depended on whether he was 'John Lennon' (dad) or 'John Ono Lennon' (manipulated lost soul). Once I began to look at his life and really understand him, I began to feel sorry for him, because once he was a guiding light, a star that shone on all of us, until he was sucked into a black hole and all fo his strength consumed."
"Although he was definitely afraid of fatherhood, the combination of that and his life with Yoko Ono led to the real breakdown of our relationship."
Ono herself gave an anniversary message to commemorate the 20th anniversary of John's death on Friday to call for people to reflect on the horror of gun related violence.
Rounding off his message at www.julianlennon.com, Julian said: "I just wanted to say that wherever he is, I hope he realises the mistakes he's made, as I realise them and hope never to repeat them..."