Chapter Four
Making Love to Only You...
On the way home, everyone was pretty quiet, except for John of course, who was still chuckling softly to himself.
When we got to the hotel, George and I hung back and talked like he promised he would with me.
"It's like this, and you can't get mad, George, 'kay?"
"I'll try." He was smiling.
"George, you're married, you know that. Much as I love you and you, if I'm lucky, may even like me, we can't and we shouldn't be with each other." His face hardened.
"Is that what you wanted to say?"
"No, it's not. George, I have a crush on Paul. A major one. And I'm just worried that he wants...he expects...well, you're used to it..."
George was smiling sadly.
"You think he wants you to go all the way."
"Well....well...yeah."
"Hmm."
"I can't, George, even if I want to."
"Do you?"
"I don't know.......so what should I do?"
"Tell him."
"Tell him what?"
"Tell him you love him but you can't go all the way."
"I tried to...he looked sad."
"Well, if he can't live with it then that's his fault." George was angry, it was obvious, and hurt.
"George, are you mad?"
"No...I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, because I am. Crazy jealous."
"But I do love you too. Can you be my best friend?" George's face slowly but surely brightened into a genuine smile.
"Yes, I think we can manage that."
We linked arms and strolled into the hotel. While in the elevator, George turned to me. "Penny," he said, "Paul may or may not know what love is. I can't tell what's happening with him and Jane, or him and you. But if he really does love you, he'll love you for what you are, not what you do. It's up to you and him." I hugged him tightly and whispered into the base of his neck,
"Thank you, George."
"You're welcome." Then the lift opened, and the Beatles' suite was directly in front of us. We pushed open the door, and walked in.
"Hello, Penny," said Paul brightly, "so good to see you again."
"You too..." I said slowly, trying to figure out what he meant. Just the sight of him drove me crazy with passion and I clenched my fists to restrain myself. "Paul, I- um- need to talk to you."
"Whu-hu-hu-hoa!" called out John teasingly, and George kicked him,
"Lay off, Lennon." Paul got up warily from his seat on the couch and we walked to my room. As soon as the door was closed I turned to him,
"Paul, it's about last night." He hid his face but I continued on. "Paul, I'm sorry, but I can't do what you wanted to do."
"I know, I told you I understood."
"But do you? You looked so upset with me."
"I'm not! Penny, honestly and truly, I lost control and I won't again, I promise."
"I think I love you, Paul," I said, hiding my face from his.
"Is that bad?"
"I'm scared."
"Why?"
"What are you, a psychologist? I'm scared because this is new for me. It's not for you."
"Maybe it is." Paul gave me a soft, gentle kiss on my lips, opened the door, and left me standing alone and thoroughly confused.
I was almost afraid to go anywhere with Paul for fear that the same thing would happen again, but luckily Cynthia Lennon had flown in to be with John, and she asked Patti and myself if we would like to go out to dinner as a group of three. After thinking it over, I said yes.
On the way there I bit my lip and twiddled my thumbs, and Cynthia kept looking at me. I pretended that I didn't notice. When we got there it took a while to find a more isolated table, but finally we were seated, alone from the rest of the people at the restaurant, and Cyn finally turned to me and smiled.
"So, what's wrong?"
"Hmm? Sorry, I wasn't listening."
"Something's bothering you, and I have a strange feeling that I know what it is."
I smiled.
"What?"
"Why, Paul of course." How did she know? I gasped.
"Huh- what- but how did you- "
"I looked the same way when I first met John. Love and panic, ecstasy and fear all together, right?"
I sighed,
"All right, I admit it, I am totally in love with Paul and totally scared of him at the same time." Patti leaned in closer,
"Has he said anything?"
"About what?"
"Well, let me rephrase that, if I know Paul, and I do, it wouldn't have been verbal...did he do anything?" I squirmed in my seat.
"Well....yes." Patti gasped now.
"But...you're so young!"
"Oh, no, not that, that's what I'm afraid of."
"He wants you to," she said knowingly. For a model, Patti had unusually good sense. I was already starting to like her a lot, same with Cyn.
"Yeah."
Cynthia looked at me sympathetically.
"I know what you mean...but I don't think I was as young as you when I first...well...was really with John, if you know what I mean." I knew.