You know, when you're hard up for material to write about you get inspiration from the strangest places. This is one of the strangest. I was going to get my truck washed the other day and as I was being pulled/pushed through the wash I had an idea: do I have time to jerk off in here? Not quite sure why I picked then to think about that. I usually wait until I'm in the supermarket watching some young pig bending down to pick up the last package of rice cakes. This time I was alone in my truck getting beaten by soapy rags, I really hope there is no connection there. Well by the time I though of this I was almost done with the wash, I would have to wait until next time. I spend the next few hours driving through every mud puddle and pile of shit I could find. Of course I had to find a different car wash this time, I ain't no freaking pervert. I pull up to the attendant. I figure I should get my money out ahead of time since at this point I already had my pants unbuttoned in order to save time. "What can I do for you chief?" I'm thinking "You can quit staring at me. I'm here to play with myself and you're ruining the visual I have implanted in my mind." But instead I said "Regular wash." Why spend the extra couple of bucks for the wax, my car was basically clean anyway. I hand over the money and I think he noticed something was wrong. I gave him a wink and a nod and he snatched the bills from my hand. "Pull ahead, car in neutral and hands off the wheel." That last request shouldn't be a problem. I quickly remove this guys image from my mind, wait until I'm safely hidden by the massive brushes and I go to work. It was harder than I thought keeping one eye closed thinking about the girl in the store and one eye open watching for the exit. Right around the final rinse I was ready to dispense my cream wax. It was then that I realized something, where the fuck was this shit going to go. I put all this effort into this and I was going to end up with spooge on the speedometer. I quickly yank the ashtray from the dash and try to aim the best I could. I basically hit the edge of it and some flew over the side and landed near the radio. I milked as much as I could from my weewee and crammed the ashtray back. The mess near the radio would have to wait until I was a little further away from this den of filth. I put my equipment back where it belongs and pull away from the car wash. So kids remember, it can be done but make sure you thoroughly prepare before trying this at home.