(A very long time ago, way before your grandmother was born, there was a woman named Mary. She lived in the middle of nowhere.)
Hi, my name is Mary and I'm a virgin.
The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you!."
(Luke 1:28)
(One day, she was minding her own buisness when an angel of the LORD came down from heaven to give her some joyous news!)
Dude! You're pregnant with God's son!!
Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.
(Luke 1:29)
(This concerned Mary very much. She had never ever had a man's touch, so how could she be pregnant?!)
But... but.. I've never been with a man...
But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have been found favor with God. You will be with child
and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.
(Luke 1:30-32)
(The angel of the LORD said that she was not to worry, for it was the WILL OF GOD that made this happen, and that she would give birth to the SON OF GOD. Mary was still worried and went to Joseph with the news. He was worried too, because everyone would think that he and Mary were SLUTS. )
"Sorry, I blacked out for a second... you're WHAT?!"
"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."
(Luke 1:38)
(But they kept it a secret and everything went ok.)
In those days Cesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world.
And everyone went to his own to register.
(Luke 2:1-3)
(Until later when CESAR AUGUSTUS ordered a census of the entire world be taken.)
Count him and her and him... but not that guy.
So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because
he belonged to the house and line of David.
(Luke 2:6)
(Which royally bit the big one, because Joseph had to go all the way back to his ancestor's town of Bethlehem.)
"Are we there yet?"
(This was very, very far away. They had to travel for many days.)
"Shhhh! Ask that one more time, and you'll see how my ancestor David took out Goliath."
(So they eventually got to Bethlehem.)
"Yay! A town! We can rest there to get all our HP and MP back!"
While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son.
She wrapped him in cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them at the inn.
(Luke 2:6-7)
(They tried to get a room at the inn, but the Innkeeper was lame, and he was overbooked.)
"Can't you read, dumbass?"
"No, no I can't. I failed 2nd grade.."
(So Joseph and Mary did the next best thing- They kicked some animals out of a manger and rested there.)
"Damn, a manger, we just get our HP back here."
(But it was time for Jesus to be born, so Mary had him there in the unsanitary manger.)
"I'm just going to squat like this and you can catch him when he comes shooting out."
"Yay! Just like football!"
"Son of man, I am. Wait, talk yet I can't."
And there were shepards living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. And an
angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.
But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people."
(Luke 2:8-10)
(An angel came to them all and told them to go see Jesus... I cut the passage short, I dont have any pictures of the angel with the shepards... they didn't get along too well backstage.)
"Dude, I dont know about you, but I'm so looped, I don't know what to think anymore... I think its the sheep poop."
When the angel left them and gone into heaven, the shepards said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing, which the Lord has
told us about."
(Luke 2:15)
(The shepards left and went to check up on Jesus. Maybe they could get a promotion for seeing the son of God.)
"I have no sheep to bring, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. I'm going to kill that shepard."
So they hurried off and foind Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.
(Luke 2:16)
"Quit staring at us! Take a picture, it'll last longer!"
(And then three kings came to see Jesus, after following a star in the sky for a long long time! I couldnt find this in in the bible, but it's in the manger scene, so there you go.)
"I'm from Africa, he's from Asia and we have no clue where this other guy's from..."
(So the kings went to the baby Jesus and gave his some gifts fit for... a king! Although Mary and Joseph were curious what a baby would do with the gifts.)
"Why do we need this stuff? And more importantly, who are you people?"
(And then the shepards came back and everyone had a pow-wow and celebrated God. You should too. Amazingly, there was no alcohol involved.)
"Who knows any good party games???"
All bible passages taken from a New Internation Version Bible.
More importantly, THAT BIBLE was Brian Jones' christmas present.
All other pictures taken by me, Mike Ruibal. You steal it, you die.
The sarcastic comments and captions were made by me as well. Steal those, and I'll be very disappointed in you.
Star Wars is a registered copyright of Lucasfilm LTD.
Star Wars action figures appear courtesy of Hasbro INC.
Jesus is a registered trademark of GOD and the Catholic Church.
Little Drummer Boy played by Boba Fett
Angel Gabriel played by Ghost of Anakin Skywalker
Shepard played by Greedo
Cesar played by Darth Vader
Cesar's Bitch played by Tarkin
Inn Keeper played by Darth Maul
Wiseman #1 played by Mace Windu
Wiseman #2 played by Qui-Gon Jinn
Wiseman #3 played by Obi-Wan Kenobi
Sheep #1 played Jawa #1
Sheep #2 played Jawa #2
Bull played by Reek
Baby Jesus played by Yoda
Joseph played by Anakin Skywalker
Virgin Mary played by Padme Amidala
The End
(Hopefully I'm not going to hell for this)
Merry Christmas!
EOF