Brandon~
It’s 3am- I’ll be on a plane en route to Beijing in les than
5 hours now. It seems unreal. By the time you’re reading this I’ll be in
Beijing at the threshold of the most amazing experience of my life – as
yet.
But I’ll also be missing you. I’ve put off writing you this letter
and I’m sure I’ve written it a million times in my head. These past few
weeks with you have been a whirlwind of good times. You walked into my
life at a time I think I needed you the most & hopefully at a time
you were ready for me… You walked in to me at the bottom of an abyss- a
seemingly dark and unforgiving one- trying to search for light & meaning
in all the shattered pieces of my life & my heart. Since then, I’ve
learned that I never was in an unforgiving abyss- rather, just turned,
temporarily, away from the light. You never pushed me- no matter the impulse-
to pick up the pieces & put them back together. Instead, in an ever-showing,
ever-graceful manner- stood by to help me put those pieces back & make
sense of it all. What Chris did- you helped me to make sense of & never
in my continual quest to reach a point of peace with it you’ve done nothing
short of being wholly understanding. And…it’s been all the difference to
me Brandon… all the difference.
You are a wonderful, awesome, amazing person & I’m so fortunate
to have crossed paths with you when I did. I’ve had so much fun with you
& learned a lot too. You erase bad days, bad moments. You make me smile
& make me think. I like that. I hope I can do the same for you. In
short- it’s been intense.
I know while I’m away I’ll miss you & will think of you often…
But I’ve had quite some time to think already. I’ve thought a lot about
what it means to “fall in love” with someone… And I’ve thought a lot about
how I feel about you. It’s unfair & wrong to compare my love / feelings
in a 4.5 year relationship to my relationship with you… So I don’t. Putting
past memories and expectations aside I feel myself falling more and more
for you and it scares me in a way. Unsure of how I’m feeling… I’m left
a little scared.
Brandon I care about you so much I’m scared to put a label on
it. But I hope you can honestly feel in your heart & mind my deep feelings
for you… Cause I can feel yours for me. Know that I keep you close to my
heart- never to fall away. No matter if I’m in China or right beside you-
no matter if you’re in Milan or BlacksVegas ¦-)
Have an awesome next few weeks. Have tons of fun @ Myrtle Beach
and in BlacksVegas. Enjoy your days & your time. Smile when no
one’s looking per your trademark- knowing that I’m thinking of you.
“And even though I know we’re very far
apart / It helps to think we might be sleeping
and wishing on the same bright star Somewhere
out there / beneath the pale moonlight /
sometimes thinking of [you] and /
loving [you] tonight…”
Love –
Lisa
P.S. XOXOXOXO