Hiya! I'm Chris. I'm from England.
I observed Lau's quotes and thought it was a cool idea and thought it'd be cool to make my own. But I'm very lazy, so I'm stealing Lau's.
Now that you know me, feel free to pry at the random mumblings of my friends, enemies or people that I'm indifferent to...
I'll try and keep it up to date but, y'know, laziness

Cheers mates,

Chris

Chris (me)

Ian (crazy friends, has a band called The Whateverthey'vechangedtheirnameto, are supposed to be pretty good, but no one likes the name. Oh and he hates Spiritualized)

Patric (sarcasm personified. Very tall too)

Michael (all round nice guy)

Phil (Michael's evil twin. Gets insulted, because he looks, talks and acts like an old man who's been chainsmoking since he was 3. We also allege he's a peeeeeeedophile)

Ste (in cahoots with Chris)

Jeni (girl, stupid and a bit of a skank. She gave Sean a hand-job even though she dislikes him)

Okay

Ste: Hey nick!
Nick: What (Ste hits him in the balls)
Ste: Ha! I got you in your Test-eeee-clay!

Ryan: You know how I've got an awful medical history (he has a rare condition where his brain has too much fluid, and when he was little he had meningitis)? Well, now its worse...
Chris: Yeah, I saw you had some tablets, whats wrong?
Ryan: Well, I have irritable bowel synrome
Patric: Ah! IBS "The Embarassing Killer"

Ian: Its amazing. Under exam conditions a 15 year old lad becomes a forty year old sentimental woman!

Mr. Clamp: Hey, has Patric told you what he said in his Speaking test?
Chris: Noooo...
Mr C: Well I asked him to describe his best friend, and he said, in German of course, that his name was Chris and he was the small slightly tubby one.
Patric: Well I s-
Chris: I don't wanna hear it Patric. I'm glad I described Ian in MY speaking test!
Patric: Ian? But he doesn't like Spiritualized!
Chris: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH-gurgle-RRRRRRRGH! The dagger! The dagger!

Jeni: What didja put on Question 7?
Chris: Dunno, I have examnesia.

Michael: Hi Chris! Your grandad okay, still mumbling?
Chris: Hey, least he doesn't ABANDON ME like your mum did on saturday!
Phil: You saw Mum? Oh yeah, she said you were cocky! It was one of the first times I actually liked her A LOT!
Ian: Why don'cha like her? Doesn't she respect her elders?

Ste: I hate YOU! *scratches chris*
Chris: WAAAAAAAAARGH! Ouch! Miss, he scratched me!
Miss Martin: CHRIS! MOVE!
Chris: Why? HE scratched ME! It's not bloody witness relocation!
Ste: Where's that Chris?
Rob: Nowhere for he is now Arnoldo Fakington

Chris: There are some cool place names here. HANDFORTH! Thats where jeni's from!
Andrew: Why are we all making jokes about Jeni and Sean? And HANDFORTH???
Sarah: Well Jeni's hand...
Chris: Went forth...

(at school production auditions)
Ian: Geeeee, Jeni, whats your favourite Rolling Stones album?
Jeni: I don't like Rolling Stones.
Ian: Really? I thought you were into Sticky Fingers?

Ste: Jeni! Good audition! You'd be "quite handy" as an ugly sister!
Jeni: Well, thanks, Ste I- Wait! HANDY??

Chris: No, jokes aside Jeni. You want to play an Ugly Sister, but they're probably want to cast a lad as that part, but if you really try. I think you could "pull it off".

Mr C: And those are all the papers collected in.
Chris: And that was our last exam!
Class: YEAH!
Mr C: But we've got forty minutes left. Why not do the foundation tier paper as well.
Class: WHYYYYYYYYYYYY/NOOOOOOOOOO/BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Patric: Hell Hath No Fury Like a teacher bored!

Rob: There's Hannah, with her bright pink coat!
Mark: Where?
Rob: How can you miss that?
Mark: You said it was the colour of nipples!

Chris: Maan, I hate running. Hey! Stevie-T! I'm hopping on ya back!
Stevie T: No.
Chris: Toooooo LATE! (jump)
Stevie: OWWWW!
Chris: Whoa... YOUR legs are poorly made!

Ste: RAWR! Bow down puny CHRIS!
Chris (in headlock): Ste, it looks like you're breast-feeding me!
Ste: Quiet, and suckle!

Chris: What you doing here?
Little Boy: Shut up!
Michael: Jeeeez, Kids nowadays.
Little Boy: SHUUUUUUT UP!
Michael: I'm going to get you!
Emma: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! He's sooo cute!
Michael: Surround yourself with fleshy girls while you can!

Mrs Saunders: A little advice from your other mother.

Ste: Look how small Chris's feet are!
Bob: They're like half the size of mine!
Chris: Yeah, but I'd be better at ballroom dancing!
Bob: Yeah, but no-one would dance with you cause you've got TINY FEET!
Michael: You know what they say about people with small feet!
Chris: They hit people before they can finish their double entendres!

Ian: Charlotte writes porn! Hey Charlotte, what do you write?
Charlotte: Porn?
Ian: You got lucky.

Patric: Quiet, Pippi Long-hair-ings!
Ian: Who's got Long Herrings?

"Its 1969!!!!"
"Yo."
"Its Oh My Gawd!"
"I know."
"From the board."
"Yeh."
"Are you listening to me, or are you just making noises?"
"If you want me to make noises I will."
"Can I join in?"
"Sure, Phnya."
"(weird shrieking sounds)"
"Phnyaaaarg!"
"Blooooopjkifg."
"Phnyinjaa!"
"You're just making the same noise again and again!"
"And?"
"I don't respect that!"
"Fine then, I'll just splash about a bit." *I turn on the tap and start splashing*
"Are you in the bath?"
"No, just the bathrooom."
"Well anyway, I've got a cool idea, go to your computer, go on the board, and start a thread saying 'Oh My Gawd just phoned me, and he's out of his FUCKING head!"
"This could be one of those incidences when you phone someone when drunk and regret it later..."
"Damn right! I've already phoned two people! You hear that, I'm banging my head against a cupboard!"
"Cool."
(at this point a friend of his yells "Who is it?")
"Someone of the message board, I'm banging my head against the cupboard!"
"Ha!"
"Are you laughing at me, do I amuse you? It's cause I'm Welsh!"

Chris: Jeneneni? Where are my pants? They were here!
Jeni: I moved them over there
Chris: You play with my pants when I'm not here!
Jeni: Yeah
Chris: Guess what I do when YOU'RE not here!
Jeni: I don't want to know
Chris I have a party cause you're gone! See it went from a pervy compliment to a cruel insult!

Ste: Don't you just hate that Pete guy
Chris: He's a perv
Chloe: You can't say that!
Chris: Yes I can. Pete! You're a perv!
Chloe: You're so mean to him.... Pete, get off my bum

Priesto: A pub isn't a place to change your socks!
Chris: Even if...
Priesto: No, Chris, no matter how gay they look!

Ian: Richard's so cheesy around girls, he's like me when I'm drunk!
Chris: Like looking into a parralel drunkiverse

Priesto: Aw Yeah Beatles, no Monkees! No... Beatles no...
Charlotte: They're a pubcover band now? I thought they'd be famous!

Chris: Awwwww, bless looka that little nose
Charlotte: ARGH!!!
Chris: Or even eye!

Chris: Bad Form. Bad Fooooorm!!! Abusing mr Eeeevans like that....
Ste: Shaaaaaaame!

Mr. Swift: She was the finest mathematician I've ever known!
Chris: Maybe they simplified a few "equations"
Ste: She had some fine "calculations
Chris: She could expand my brackets anytime
Ste: Let us never speak again

Miss Calvert: I was out with Mr. Coe...
Chris: You call him Mr. Coe outside of school?
Miss C: Well I can't really say "I was out with Neil-"
Chris: Who's Neil?

Claire: Shiny Shiny Pimpmobile!

Chris: Did you realise that psychiatrists are allowed to perform physical examinations on you!
Jeni: How'd you know that?
Chris: In the book I'm currently reading a guy goes to a psyhiatrists and ends up the psychiatrists stick his tongs up the guys bottom
Jeni: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! How is that allowed?
Ian: No Jeni, its tongs, there's no "ue"!

Jess: Go juice a cat!

Ian: Do you wanna play bass in my band?
Isis: Na, I'm already in a band with my brother, we're playin in manchester soon. At the academy.
Chris: How'd you manage that!
Isis: My brother knows someone in Manchester uni who set it up.
Chris: YOU SCAMMED YOUR WAY TO THE TOP! Ian may be a bit of a naf singer, and his band seem to be going nowhere but he got where he was honestly!
Isis: *tears of laughter* Its only funny if you don't mean it, hey Donna come meet Chris....

Donna: Yeah, sounds like some sort of thing...

Mike W: Chris, get an erection so I can sit down

Chris: Ahoy matey!
Donna: Chris, its a rolled up poster, not a telescope!
Chris: Only a LAND-LUBBER would say something like that!
Donna: Land-libber THIS! *smacks poster*
Chris: Ahhh! Thats not even comedy pain

Donna: Look at yer hands! You obviously don't bite your nails
Chria: Na, I'm a fussy eater

Chris and Rob's Dragon Song:
A Dragon
A Dragon!
I think I saw a dragon
Its lean,
Its mean
Its green
And its got a whopping spleen

A Dragon
A DRAGON
We MUST have seen a dragon
And we should KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW....
'Cause we're experts

Lisa: Shut up! Or I'll batter you like I battered Keeley!
Rob: But you didn't batter keeley...
Lisa: No but I hit her

Chris *tugging at jeans strap of girl1*
Girl1: GET OFF MY ARSE!
Chris: Thats not your arse.
Lady: Get off my daughter's arse.
Chris: I'm sorry but your daughter needs to learn her anatomy, thats not her arse!
Girl1: It so was
Chris: Excuse me, you there madam, you'll back me up. Does pulling this *pull* count as touching her arse?
Girl2: What are you doing to my sister?
Ste: (from a distance) Its a family affair....

Chris: Ste's looking for me, have you seen him?
Donna: I wouldn't recognise Ste
Chris: He's the one in zombie make up, the black cloak and the black cowboy hat. You'd recognise him
Donna: Doesn't ring a bell

Ryan: You'll do yourself a mischief!

Jess C: Yer such a whore...
Chris: Correction: HUG whore!

Ian: That was pretty easy
Ste: Don't scare me, geek features

Chris: I just wrote bout an exploding sheep. Will I get marked for that
Ste: I hope so, cause I wrote something similar
Chris: How could we have both written about an exploding sheep?
Ste: I don't know, but now they can't disallow TWO GCSE on the grounds of sheep explodering!

Ste: Hey, have you seen? Sarah can lick her elbow?
Chris: Thats a loada shit, ste. I can't do that, and I'm pretty amazing, dig?
Ste: No shit!
Chris: Shit!
Ste: Sarah come here and show Chris that you can lick your elbow!
Sarah: *licks elbow*
Chris: Whoa! Shit!
Ste: NO SHIT dammit!

Mr Richardson: Chriiiiis!!! *kisses my hand* You're great you know *hugs* You really are *kisses on cheek*
Jamie: He could lose his job for that! If Chris didn't like it so much...

Rachel: He's the greatest guitarist ever!
J: I wouldn't say that
Chris: But you'll let her...

Lucy: When I come to college I'll have to leave my boyfriend
Chris: Why? He allergic to College people?
Lucy: No. He lives in Switzerland
Rachel: Nice, Chris. Nice.

Alex: I think, Chris, we been right royally rogered

Sean: Rachel!!!
Rachel: How does he know my name?
Chris: He thinks he knows everyone...
Rachel: I hate him
Chris: Hate doesn't get through to him. Its like hating a wall
Rachel: What you got against walls???

Katrina: Trust you chris! You and your "WORDS"

Karla:"What does your badge say? In the future we all die? Thats a bit depressing"
Chris: "Doesn't depress me, whenever I look at it I think of the time I got a free badge"

The "Emily got slightly hyper and had a laugh" saga
Emily: Have you heard bout Siobhan? whisperwhisperwhisper
Chris: *gasp* With dental floss?
Emily: Yes then she: whisperwhisperwhsper which I didn't understand cause I thought it would be too flamable for that!

Emily: Phwoar! Look at that Pete!
Chris: Whats Pete got that I don't?
Emily: MY LOVE!
Chris: All those times we high fived you were thinking of Pete?
Emily: Yes, Chris! ITS OVER!

Emily: This is my conjoined twin?
Chris: How long have you had her?
Emily: All the time. You can't have noticed her during our nights of passion. I suppose you were concentrating bless you

Joe Barber (English teacher): What? Mr. Rogers the tobbacconist is offering me sex?

Mr Serentnicky: Chris, you've just put a picture in. Thats not a poster
Chris: But there are two pictures-
Mr. S: Oh Hallelujah brother, hallelujah brother, hallelujah brother! You're living in a catacomb in your own little world but there's a big world out there!
Chris: Is he suggesting that in the big wide world two, is in fact one?

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