Barbarian Meets Dark Elf
Composed by Diefenbaker Bakendiefer
On my travels from Halas to Freeport, I have encountered numerous events I found strange, demented, and bizarre. Nothing had me expecting this….
I came across an odd looking person one day, during my usual combat spree in West Commons. It was a Dark Elf wizard (at least that’s what the spell book sticking out in one of his backpacks said). Now he wasn’t necessarily odd -- just what he was doing.
I watched him fish out of the pond that was somewhat closely to the entrance to Kithicor Woods. Clearly he was drunk because of the several short beer bottles strewn across the clearing where he stood. Although, for being so non-coherent, he did quite a good job bringing in fresh fish. Suddenly, he dropped everything and pulled out a dagger. I ducked farther away from view in fear that he saw me, I have never fought with or against any kind of wizard but I’ve heard far to many stories. Everyone says their spells do so much more than our shamans could even dream of!
The next thing I hear is a giant splash from the waters. I peered over to see the stranger swimming in the pond fighting piranhas that attack him. I have no idea why anyone would do this type of thing but everything about him seemed confusing. Soon too many came to feed on him so he left the water cursing, and proceeded to make rude gestures to the fish. I could hear the snickering and comments made by the barbarians a few meters away and observed as the stranger cursed and flipped them off as well.
For some reason I was compelled to talk to the elf. I was so curious as to how and why a Dark Elf wizard was in West Commons – fishing!? So I approached him wearily as he put away his dagger, picked up his fishing pole, and finished off the rest of his short beer. I couldn’t think of what to say, considering I had never fished, so I decided to go with the standard greeting.
"H-hail" … … … no response.
"Umm hail?"
A pointy ear perked up. The Dark Elf suddenly whipped around and muttered, "What? Who-- what di you wanf with me brute? I have no qworels with yos!"
"Umm I was just curious - - -"
The elf suddenly shook his head violently, breaking into conscienceness. He seemed to.. snap to attention as he barked, "What?! You wish to duel me? Is that it? Sure you may seem tough but you’re probably like all of those other people I’ve demolished! All a load of ignorant motherf---"
"WHOA! Peace be with you! I do not wish to fight!!"
The mood suddenly shifted and to my shock the elf began to laugh.
"Oh yeah?! Ok then what do you want?"
I stumbled trying to think of something – anything, "Can I buy you a dwarven ale?" I said quickly.
"Ale?" He eyed me conspicuously, "You drink ale while fishing?"
"Well I drink, I mean, I don’t really fish but I mean… well that’s all the closest Inn has really!"
"….Very well," he said monotonely as I ran into the Inn and purchased a few bottles. I return promptly to find he had jumped into the water again. I sat and watched for a while and then surveyed the area. I saw the smelly backpack stocked high of fish and another one filled with fire beetle eyes, bat wings, and such dark parts. He returned to the shores, eyeing me strangely.
"Well aren’t you a peculiar one." I felt like making a comment but decided not to press my luck. "What do you, a Barbarian warrior want with a Dark Elf wizard? You guys always try to beat me down. That Solsek for Root."
"I-I was wondering… aren’t you evil?"
"I AM EVIL!" he barked. "It just blows to have everyone hate you like this. I can’t buy anything from anyone outside of Neriak and even they’re not too fond of me there in the first place."
"Why not, what did you do?"
"Nothing! I’m a wizard! Neriak wants warriors, they don’t appreciate wizards. I don’t care though, they can shove it up their a--"
"UM!"
"What?"
"It’s just your language… and your gestures… they’re.."
"Well you asked if I was evil, did you not?" He laughed, "Question answered." Of course this was true, so I handed him a bottle as he swished it down with a smile. "Thanks Barbarian. So what is your name"
"Diefenbaker"
"Diefenbaker?" He laughed again "Sounds like a wolf’s name!"
"Well - I"
"Nevermind. Mine’s Napallo."
We shook hands with a smirk on each other’s faces and sat down to talk. We didn’t really talk about much of anything, I hardly learned anything about him, especially on why he was here fishing. But we continued to swig ales and get pretty tipsy. Napallo was quite humorous, but occasionally get pissed over the fish or the other barbarians and they’re comments. Most of the time it was both.
Everything was going great until a young kodiak snuck up on Napallo and slashed his back. I quickly rose and started hacking and taunting it on me and suddenly Napallo started casting a spell. I watched in awe as fire rained on the kodiak and I was … amazed. I guess he approved of my skills afterwards with the constant taunting and hitting because he laughed heartily and yelled "Go Dief!" Ever since that moment, we became a group.
It’s been hard though. Everywhere we go besides Freeport, they absolutely hate him and attack on sight. We’ve traveled to distant lands and different continents and have almost been killed several times. Most of those times were from locals, and not even the monsters we’ve encountered! Of course the locals would normally not mind me as much, but I became hated rather quickly when the realized I was with him.
Ah well.
It’s been worth it, in my opinion. We’ve teamed up with some really great people, conquered hard groups, and enjoyed nights of pure drinking accompanied with flip-offs directed to each other, laughing the whole time. And that, my friends, is the story of Diefenbaker, the Barbarian warrior and Napallo, the Dark Elf wizard.
-Diefenbaker
