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Welcome to "Freaky Tony's" Advice Column

You tired of listenin' to advice from dem ol' shriveled up bitches Ann & Abby?  Well, you came to the right place.

I'll tell you what I think, and you gonna like it!

Featured Dilemma:  Aug 7-14

Impressing the ladies!

Yo!  Young and yearning,

     One way to really get a chick all hot-n-wet is
poetry.  I suggest that you memorize the second verse from the Molly Hatchet song, "Good Smoke and Whiskey".  Recite this to her and tell her that
you wrote it just for her.  This will make her think she special, and not just some run-of-the-mill Ho!
      Another thing you can do is try to get her to
drink a 40 of malt liquor (preferably 'Red Bull' or 'St. Ides').  This shows that you have a taste for the finer things in life and that you're a real 'class act'. Also, I find that  this usually loosens women up enough so that I'll at least get my 'knob' polished in the McDonalds parking lot.
      Hope these suggestions help.

Good luck!
And don't let your meat loaf!

Freaky Tony

Dear Freaky Tony,

     I just recently met this girl in my
chess club who's really swell.  I
asked her to go out with me on
Saturday, and she said 'yes'.  The
problem is how can I impress her
so that she'll like me (and maybe
have sex with me)?

Sincerely,
Young and yearning,
in King of Prussia, PA

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Freaky Tony is not a licenced psychologist.  The views expressed are those of Freaky Tony and do not represent the views of T-Dog or any of the Superfister 69 Fun Club members.
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