XXX
Directed by Rob Cohen
Starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Asia Argento, Marton Csokas and Joe Bucaro III
Rated PG-13 for violence, non-stop action sequences, sensuality, drug content and language

Based on the popularity of James Bond films in America it seems that there are many people who have pent up sexual energy and people who are desperate to blow shit up. Every good American male wants to be James Bond, even though he's British, because he gets to blow shit up and screw incredibly attractive women for a living. And why not? It sounds like a whole lot of fun. But James Bond is getting old. The Bond films are an incredibly long running series spanning back 40 years and it is about to reach its 20th film later this year. So its not hard to understand why director Rob Cohen and his actor pal Vin Diesel wanted to make a more modern type of James Bond that could appeal to the ever growing younger movie audiences. The problem is though that XXX isn't really an update of Bond, its just a low-class, slovenly James Bond. This is just a poorly written, poorly conceived idea for a film. And damn is it loud.

The tagline advertises that XXX is "A New Breed of Secret Agent." And right from the beginning director Rob Cohen tries to make that clear by having an anonymous secret agent dressed in a tuxedo get killed in the line of duty. If this isn't a reference to James Bond, I don't know what is. Cohen wants to tell us that James Bond is old, out of style and just plain not cool and by killing him off, he is trying to introduce us to a completely new kind of secret agent. And that might have been a cool idea if it had worked out, but Cohen and writer Rich Wilkes completely failed in their attempt. This film follows the very standard pattern of a James Bond film. There are some bad guys who want to destroy the world and they happen to be Russian. Now 40 years ago those Russians would have been connected to the government, but today, just like they have done in recent Bond films, these are Neo-Soviet renegades. There are also lots of silly one-liners and puns delivered by our hero just like Bond does in his films. And of course lots of things blow up. The main difference
between this film and the typical Bond film is that XXX lacks the class and sophistication that makes Bond films enjoyable. Not only is Vin Diesel himself lacking class, but so is everyone else in this film. The hot women are all now whores as evidenced by the brilliant line "Bitches, come!" delivered to bring women to entertain Vin and his new Russian friends. And the bad guys are mere punks with attitude who just want to have fun. In this respect this film isn't much different than Cohen's first big hit, the bizarrely successful, The Fast and the Furious. XXX is about young punks who just want to have fun and play with their manhood extensions (cars). They have no responsibilities, they just party all night and everyday. Its just a shame that Cohen, who went to Harvard in case you were wondering, didn't bother working hard at making this a more interesting film than it turned out to be.

There really isn't much to speak of when you talk about the acting in this film. Vin Diesel clearly has no range as he plays a character exactly like that of Dominic in The Fast and the Furious. Asia Argento is attractive, but she isn't very interesting. Samuel L. is very disappointing. He barely is there and isn't at all entertaining or interesting when he is. Maybe they should have given him a funky hair-do. The only guy who really gave it all in this movie was Vin Diesel's stuntman, Harry O'Connor who slammed into a bridge during the para-sailing scene near the end of the film and died.

XXX is truly a weak film. It has a boring and uninteresting plot that lacks the flavor and the intrigue that usually accompany an espionage film. There is no mystery, no suspense, you know exactly what's going to happen and you know how its going to happen. Its also important to note that the computer graphics effects used in this film are really crappy. Its clear they should have cut back on a few of the explosions and found someone who could do a better job. Rob Cohen is a director who's success baffles me and, based on the popularity so far of XXX, will continue to baffle me. The same can be said about Vin Diesel's popularity. XXX isn't a new breed of secret agent, he's just a mutt.

Rating 37%

- Ben