I can't think of a single thing I want to write about. Which is stupid, because I had about a bajillion things I thought of last night. Apparently they fell out when I was using mouthwash this morning. (I told you that stuff kills brain cells.) Oh well. I guess I'll just bash my keyboard until something resembling an "article" comes out of my computer.

I COULD write about Christmas... But that's really been done to death. That'd be like beating a dead horse. Or raping a dead horse. For fun and profit. Aren't short, incomplete sentences fun?

Ahh, screw it, Christmas it is.

Every year, I start to see Christmas more like my dad sees it. That is, I see it as a pathetic excuse to be nice to someone for one week, maybe two, out of the year. I mean, sure, it's good that you're giving food to the one legged chinese mongoloids or whatever, but if you're gonna be nice, can't you do it all year? It's just stupid. Not to mention things like those packages of 500 cards that you just sign-n-send without giving a second thought to the actual person you're sending it to.

When I type in a bigger font, it seems like I've written more. See? That sentence there would not have filled up much space at all without a larger font size.

Now I'm a REAL writer! I can fill up pages and pages with my words of wisdom!

Sweet!

I think I'll just stick with this font size.

What a crappy way to start a web page. I should try focusing on one thing once in a while. I guess that's hard to do with the attention span of a dead Ocelot. Maybe if I keep talking, people will stop reading and go do something worthwhile, like beating their head against a wall of Jell-o, or maybe building me a giant robot in the shape of Sonic the Hedgehog so I could run around really quick while making witty remarks and stomping on people.

You're still reading? Damn! You must be REALLY bored! Or maybe I linked you to this page and you feel obligated to read the entire thing because you're such a great friend. Sucker.

I should be a standup comedian. I could say things like "People with cell phones suck. I mean, they're all like 'Whoo, I have a cell phone and I'm important' and then they get in a car wreck. HA HA." I'd be a hit on Comedy Central Presents.

Speaking of which, South Park sucks. I mean, it used to be a damned funny show, but now it's just stupid, unfunny, and gross.

This is starting to sound like a rambling diary entry of a teenage girl. I hope that doesn't mean I'm gay. Unless I turn out to be a lesbian, I wouldnt mind that too much.

Stop reading, for god's sake! Go build me a robot or feed the OLCM (One Legged Chinese Mongoloids) or something.

Will you stop reading if I stop typing? No?? God damn, you're an idiot.