The Infamous Ramblings of a Naked Man

This is my famous "Ramblings of a Naked Man. The next 40 chapters you are about to read are ideas and thoughts I wrote as a sophomore in highschool. Later on I started dating the chapters, but as you can see I was about 15 when I thought about these things and decided to comment on them. When I started my "Ramblings" it use to be just a handful of chapters my friend Eric printed out when I asked him if he could print all the poetry (bad poetry) I had on my disk. He printed everything, which meant he printed the ramblings I created. People read it and liked it and I wasted tons of ink printing out copies for my friends who would pass it along and share it with their friends. When I wrote this I never expeted it to be liked or desired. All my friends said I should have published it, but I think it wasn't worthy, and I still do, but it is published now as part of my webpage. So I hope you enjoy these. I would ahve gotten rid of this section a long time ago but I always get an email or a guestbook entry saying someone really enjoyed reading my ramblings so forever they will stay on my page.
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Introduction


These are "The Ramblings of a Naked Man". Why am I "naked"? I have found purity in being nude. And I spend too much time rambling these thoughts into my berserk style of literature. I am to some people, the weirdest guy they ever met. Not every one sees I am a young Individual who can see life through a fountain. Being mature (Yeah right!)I have receded into my own fountains of youths. It is plural because I have many approaches to youthfulness.
First I carry around Pez dispensers ®. That shows Immaturity. Even last Christmas I got three Pez dispensers ® as presents.(Thanks everyone) I like Pez ® because I have had a large fondness for cartoons and the characters are nostalgic. And the Candy is something sweet to suck on. My friends like eating Pez ®, so I don't mind offering them and they gladly receive the kind offering.
I love to draw. When I see a blank sheet of paper it is like a world waiting to be created. I like to draw cartoons and I hope to have a career in Animation. But my best works of art are long since washed away. theses drawn with a Crayola ® marker or even at times Mr. Sketch ® brand markers. I take the simplest smiley face and Draw it on my human canvas. below the ribs and right above the navel. The slogan "Smile" will appear above or below it. My good friends will smile and if they are depressed it cheers them up. My other friends look at me in disgust and plot how they can strap me down and sedate me for the local asylum.
I'd like to introduce you to my two best friends. I have known these guys since middle school and at times are even like brothers to me. We are basically Lollapaloozers. We are not total losers. We just have diversity and we can unite to kick ass.
First is My friend Aaron McGowen now he is a groovy guy he "hangs" with me in Spanish class. And we are the two smartest and goofiest guys in class. We get in trouble for finishing early and we spend our free times playing games. We are known for such phrases as "Eat Chicken", "Narf", "Comer pollo verde" which is translated to eat green chicken,(It was St. Patrick's that day) And our funniest phrase who will make the other laugh whenever it is said. " Pompis de queso" that is translated to "Butt of cheese" We have similar girl troubles were both gentlemen. Aaron also writes poetry but his is free verse.
My next Pal is the great "Roach" he is no druggie but his name is Eric Roach and we were just not that creative when it came to his nickname. He is the coolest of my friends. He has hooked me up with a few women here and there. None of the relationships worked well but it was fun trying . Him and I have carried the goofiest conversations,(Ask about his cow problem) We have talked about everything from Pornography ( The cons of it) to Our Idea of remaking the song "It's a small world ®" To a thrashing ass kicking hard core nine inch nails song. Our great choice quotes are "Shoot the cow", "There is cheese on the roof", "We need more applesauce", "I was up above it" "I am hung like a vampire", and "OHGOSHITBIRDIE" which could be Oh Gosh it Birdie or Oh Go Shit Birdie These phrases don't make sense but neither do we. The last quote was on my stomach and we figured the error that I wrote the words too close together and it made a good joke.
Now that you know the cast of characters now with the plot to my insane ramblings.

Smiles


The smile, to me it is a doorway to a persons heart. I seek to put smiles on peoples faces. If I can make a person smile It is to me a feeling ten thousand times better than any orgasm. I am so empathetic it makes me smile when a person smiles. It is my reason for living. To me the most beautiful smile belongs to the actress Sandra Bullock. A smile like hers lights up my heart. Because there is so much feeling behind that smile . It gets right to me. I would love to marry a girl with a smile like that .
Smiling is an art form I take seriously to a point. It is like a hunt. You stalk the prey, (A person with a frown). I sneak up on the person and when they notice I'm there I flash them with my stomach. If they laugh my job is done. I also like to tell people my dreams of being an exotic dancer. Which isn't too funny until I shake my rear.

Moshing for Fun and Profit


I have been to a few concerts and I would like to share some wisdom and stories on my experience. I learned three rules to "Pit etiquette".
1. Keep your elbows below your shoulders. Less people get hurt. If you can't check them in the face.
2. Don't tug your fellow mans rings, no matter where they are. I don't think I need to say much more about that. Except maybe "Ouch!".
3. When a person falls pick them right up. There are Dr. Martins stomping around and If a persons up he could still live. If he stays on the ground expect a "SPLAT!"
I heard these before I entered my first "pit". Being alone and Petite it was scary. "I loved it!" As for the rest of my life was it was a funny experience. First I got Kicked in the head three times when this person was crowd surfing and only two of us were holding her up. She panicked and started kicking and I got hit three times I let go to see how bad my ear was bleeding then "Slam!" she hit the ground, got up and started to mosh more. I also got a Karate chop to the throat. I never thought there would be such a thrashing at a Weezer concert. =W=
My second experience was at Elastica. I stayed in the Pit for the whole session. I had my first three crowd surfing experiences. The first time I jumped off the rail and I saw my brother behind the rail. That feeling of people hoisting me up, it was the closest thing I, Birdie got to flying. The second try I missed the people when I jumped and landed on the floor I tried again and a kind man gave me a boost and I flew from the back of the pit to the front, (That is a good six foot flight). I was heaved over and I kicked a security guard in the head. ( It was an accident and I apologized.) the guard told me to stop jumping the rail and when I got back to the pit the band finished their last song. That night I felt so great. I loved flying. I am so addicted to moshing I mosh in school during lunch. I was at My friend Zac's Christmas Party and I moshed with a Hyper-extended elbow and I hurt it more. I will never ever mosh with Zac's brother Josh again.

The Truth and False Things about Birdie


Okay I like to act different but some people have gotten the wrong Idea about me. This starts in the spreading of rumors. I have had enough trouble with that. Now it's time for a story.
Many years ago, like two. I and my buddy Roach. ( Introduction.) came up with funny games to play mostly RPG's but some were classic masculine games of brute strength. We love being masculine. So we came up with a macho push contest. Eric shoved me and I cut my leg on the concrete . This was during lunch and afterwards, we were in the same math class together. He sat diagnal of me. I told him that when he shoved me that I cut my leg. The girl next to him thought I said that I cut my leg shaving. This girl we'll call her bitch. Blurted out-loud that I shave my legs. The class believed her and the thing that pissed me off is the teacher believed her too. So I spent the whole year being harassed about shaving my legs which is a lie. Now every time I see Bitch she gives me a disgusting look.
Also on things I don't do. I don't do drugs, that is I don't smoke pot. I am an athlete and I take to much care for my body to do crap like that. So just because I am weird does not mean I am a drug addict. I am not gay. Just because I have the "BALLS" to be sensitive and have a feminine side does not mean I swing that way. I have no problem with Homosexuality though, that is just not my style.
Now rumors suck. I accidentally spread a rumor that my friend Robbie is gay. It was a joke he took the wrong way. It started homecoming week. We had a pep assembly and during it he put down his coat and it touched my rear. I jokingly told him to stop grabbing my but. he thought I was serious. This pissed him off. I on occasion like to annoy people so I told him to stop grabbing my butt. This got him so pissed that every time he saw me he said I didn't grab your butt. People heard this and thought Rob was gay. It was an accident "BUTT" it was a funny story.

My Dreams of Shaking my Butt and Stuff


I have planned out what career I would Like as you know a career in animation or art. But I would also Like to be an actor.
I think Being an Actor is a great thing. I have two theatre classes this year. I like that because I didn't get a theatre class at all last year. So I get to make up for it. I love to entertain people. And acting is one of the best ways to make people "SMILE" I have been in several school plays throughout my school years. I haven't been any plays yet this year. But my Story Theatre class I definitely get a part. I would like to be the stranger which I bet is a guaranteed. I just made every one laugh trying to act like a stud. It's a part I was born for. This is the perfect class for me I get to make a fool out of myself and I get a half credit toward graduation.
My other career hopeful is the one I am most interested in. I would like to be a male exotic dancer. I have been asked why I would exploit myself. I know I am smart. I guess a 150 IQ. can't be sexy too. ( I am sorry I felt like bragging this one time.) But I spent a lot of my time being made fun of for not being the most attractive man. So I personally would be flattered if people looked at me as a sex object. And I love to shake my butt. So this seems like a job I would be happy doing. I don't care if I am treated like a sex object. because I would like to be sexy just once.

This One Proves I Am Crazy So THBBTT Dag Nabit


I have had some insane thoughts. I was curious what it would feel l ike to kill a person. I am not planning on finding out. I have morals but I wonder what glory does a person get taking a persons life away. For all we know it could be the ultimate rush. Maybe it is a god complex. Where you actually control the fate of someone. Maybe we haven't fully evolved and we still need the excitement of hunting. Maybe we should kill to control the population. Maybe We are living too long and life should be shorter. Now maybe we are so into technology that our savage instincts only exist in the rare occasion of people. Maybe I think too much. Thanks for listening.

Music and It's Influence on My Thoughts and Ideas


Music has inspired a lot that I have written. I guess subliminally I take lyrics from songs and the words expand into my head and some great ideas come from it. Such as this book which is a large collection of song lyrics into a free verse of poems. Here are some collected quotes I have been some how inspired by.
1. I am so damn glad I'm here. Isn't everyone? -Self I always like to make a big appearance. I love being applauded when ever I enter my classes. I 'm glad I'm around. Isn't everyone?
2. If I could draw a map of the boy that I would like, your resume would shine through like a bright green light If I didn't feel so wrong. -that dog I feel like a nice guy I am even described as a perfect gentlemen. But some girls don't feel like they are good enough to go out with me because I am so nice. So I get left out.
3. I know you have made a practice of closing all your doors but promise me you'll open every window. -the posies This one involves people who are depresses and I try as hard as I can to make people smile.
4. When I get mad and I get pissed. I grab my pen and I write up a list. -L7 This is because I have an angry side. But when I get pissed I write some poetry. I also write poetry when I am depressed.
5. I was up above it. -nine inch nails I always like being the star being above everyone else (not better than but above where people can see me.) I like to be noticed.
6. I am not like them but I can pretend. -Nirvana I am my own individual self but I do like to act like other people on some occasions. Like on Halloween I don't mind being a woman for a day, sometimes. (It is difficult work)
7. Don't dream it be it. -The Rocky Horror Picture show soundtrack I believe people should go out in the world and be what they want to be instead of dreaming what they could've been.
8. C'mon watch the good guys win. -Josie and the Pussy Cats I always believe the good guys should win and nice guys finish last.
9. Let the sun shine in Face it with a grin open up your heart and let the sun shine in. -Pebbles from the Flintstones. I believe the cure to every problem is a smile that is one reason why I like smiley faces.
there is a whole lot of quotes right there That describe me. All in there own little way. There are more that describe or will describe is a grow old and mature.

How Pez Will Save the World


As you should know I love Pez. Everyone I know does. Especially Lianna and Amber they eat so much Pez it is a surprise they keep there girlish figures. But one night under a Pez induced coma I had a dream about Pez saving the world and this is how it goes.
One nice sunny day in the future our world leaders came together to agree on how to make the world a peaceful place. And while the Leaders finally reach an agreement. A mad bomber comes in with nuclear explosives strapped to himself. He shouts "Your all gonna die. " But before he sets off the bomb he sees a boy. the boy looks at him with his large blue eyes and a single tear runs down his cheek. The Bomber follows the tear as it hits the boys hand. In his hand was a Mickey Mouse Pez dispenser. That robber sees it and remembers when he was young and his mom bought him a Pez dispenser. And every day he would play with it. Then
he knew as long as there is Pez there will always be peace. So he decided not to kill anyone.

Religion the Force That I Am Torn From


Religion can be a sensitive subject. Just about everyone practices it. How would you feel about someone who doesn't believe in religion? Well I don't believe in religion. I think religion is just a way to express being good; And being rewarded for it by ideas like Heaven, and Nirvana. Or punished for being bad by things like Hell. Have you noticed if you add an "O" to god you get good. And if you take away the "d" in devil you get evil. That could have been what the forefathers of religion came up with when they named the two main deities of Christianity. I'm not evil, I am not good totally. But I do what I want to do and if there is a god. I guess I was wrong and I'll be punished. It's hard when you don't believe in a higher being. My family wouldn't except. Everybody has faith. I would like to start my own religion. It would revolve around nature. I would call it Birdism. It would reflect the values of peace and art. I wouldn't force it on people. I am glad not everyone tries to change me and my ideas. I know a person who actually believes that dinosaurs don't exist because they weren't in the bible. Many people have even said that I am going to hell. One person even gave me little comics that told me to go to his religion or I'd rot in hell. I think that too many people take religion as an answer to everything. I found the word that describes me there is two. One is Atheist which is a person who does not believe in a higher being. Even religions revolve around atheism such as Buddhism. I don't believe a higher being created everything because we have scientists discovering things like the big bang theory and evolution. Religious people seem to be defensive about their belief. There has been wars over religion. We have had things like the inquisition where heretics are killed for their lack of belief. If you have a religion more power to you but don't force your belief on others. I don't tell you to stop worshipping god .

The Importance of Courtesy


I have been taught manners and I have always been courteous to other . I put some people ahead of myself. One example is that I have struggled with pneumonia for one month. And while walking to school after lunch I got sick and threw up on the sidewalk. It wasn't a lot but I felt bad that the next person to walk by would see it. And I left a mess and whatever street cleaners will have to clean it up. I don't throw up often but the last time I threw up it was at my friend Adrians house and I spent all day apologizing for that because he cleaned it up. I like friends like that. I also know that If I ever stopped a bullet from killing the President The first thing I would do is apologize for getting my dirty blood on his nice clean suit. That is just the kind of guy I am. I clean up my mess I clean up other people messes (Usually my brother's) But I think courtesy is very important .

Games are for Little Boys Not Grown Men

I need to complain about professional sports. Especially Baseball. These guys make a couple million dollars a year. Yet they think they don't get paid enough. Whiny bastards had to go on strike. If I made a million dollars I would be happy about it and work my ass off to make it. These guys get paid just to endorse products. That's money for smiling. These Baseball players aren't even superior athletes. I see guys with big guts hanging out. Baseball is a nice game but it is a crappy sport. Grow up get a real job. We the people spend more money watching and paying for entertainment. Than we pay for real heroes like police officers, teachers, doctors, and Fire Fighters. Though these people save lives and make the world a better place. They get no special recognition. And little boys and girls look up to men who grab their crotch and spit. Baseball players range from being in their early twenties to late fourties and early fifties . There is no physical demand for real athletes in Baseball. Get a Life and grow up you brats.

The Eyes


Okay a while back you read about the smile but I never gave my homage to the eyes. Well first thing is I can't think of who has the most beautiful set of eyes. But if I had to make my decision right now I would choose a person who doesn't exist but it is the woman on the cover of "Isle of Woman" by Piers Anthony. Unless a real woman can match those eyes that is the winner. So if you match those eyes congratulations.
But eyes are so beautiful I hope I'm not the only guy who finds the most beautiful trait to be a persons eyes. Roach can vouch for this. But if he asks if I thought the girl was cute I'll say she has nice eyes. But I have never seen someone with ugly eyes except for women who have makeup all over their eyes. Like Tammy Faye Baker.
I love watching Japanese animation. The greatest trait of Manga (Japanese Animation) is Huge eyes. They are un-real. But those are the Kind of eyes I like. Eyes like that are so beautiful. So I would like to say to all the women out thee that you have beautiful eyes. And if that is all you think is beautiful about you. Remember the eyes are the window to the soul. And Open every window.

Hey haven't I done this before?


Well by the title I hope you realized this is a chapter on the mystery of deja vu. Deja Vu is a french word meaning have seen before. I have experienced deja vu many times. I have experienced deja vu many times . It is a weird feeling. I have had times where I have done things before. People believe this is a sign of reincarnation. Could people re-experience what they have done in a previous life? It is an uncanny idea. But now I can't recall the things I have done before. But now I can't recall the things I have done before. I wonder why is that. But I know in a past life I was a Prostitute. I went bankrupt for a reason I wasn't too sure of but it involved "Free coupons". I also in a past life use to be a pigeon. That is why I have such gracefulness and to be punished I can't fly any more unless it's in a mosh pit. But I know in a past life I was a Prostitute. I went bankrupt for a reason I wasn't too sure of but it involved "Free coupons". It was a weird life.

Friends: Natures Candy, Us: Natures Leftovers


Everybody belongs in a clique. I am lucky I belong in at least three. I belong in a group of Jocks because I wrestle. So I have Jock Friends. Then I have nerd Friends because I am smart and I like to play card games like Magic and Rage. I am also a weirdo because I am open minded and I am never embarrassed. That is my favorite clique. Because the people there are very fun to be with. And I can act as crazy as I want. The Weirdo group is the most popular readers of this material. I know weirdos in Gateway, My own Rangeview and In Hinkley. My Pals at Gateway are pretty cool except there has been some conflict between the men and women. The ones from Hinkley also have similar problems because they both Hang around together. But the People at Rangeview Hang real well together. Probably because there are less guts I have two groups In Rangeview One is with my Story theatre class. Which they think I am cool but that would probably change when they get tired of my antics. But who really knows. and my other clique is with Roach and his sisters friends which is cool because we are the craziest except Amber and Lianna have talent so when we do sing they actually know how so we look worse. But that's okay I just don't like the stuck-up bastards that treat us like a disease. Do you know if your a stuck-up bastard? Well take this simple quiz.
1. Your at a dance and you know that you have two left feet what do you do.
A. Stand and watch everyone else.
B. Dance even though you don't know how.
C. Start a Congo line or a can-can line
If you answered A you are a stuck-up bastard so stop reading this I don't like you because you don't like me.
Now how to know if your a weirdo.
1. If you see a guy holding a Pez dispenser what do you do?
A. Ask for Pez
B. Take the Pez dispenser and swipe some Pez.
C. Compliment the carrier's butt so he'll give you Pez.
D. Nothing Pez is for little kids
If you answered A,B,C you are a weirdo congratulations to you. you are allowed to read on.

Nostalgia: Ramblings from The Television Generation


Memories are a wonderful thing people in my age have artificial memories of our greatest friend the zombie making idiot box. We have grown to love such programs as Sesame street to Voltron. I remember on Saturday Mornings waking up and curling up on the couch to watch cartoons Like Mighty Mouse and Scooby Doo. I remember when I got home from school being mesmerized by Duck Tails and Darkwing Duck. I remember even today watching Earthworm Jim and the Tick. And My brother and I were the biggest Gi-Joe and Transformer fans. We had every Gi-Joe Figure there ever was. I remember sorting all our action heroes out on the floor and picking our guys . My brother though he is twenty still plays with figures though he got rid of his Gi-Joes four years ago. He plays with comic book characters. Just recently Todd Toys the maker of Spawn came up with a Satan Action figure. I thought figures were pure and good Todd proves us wrong. But I remember watching Mtv and seeing reruns of Ren and Stimpy and Speed Racer. I remember singing such great theme songs like Heithcliff and Under Dog. Memories like this are not appreciated by STUCK-UP BASTARDS. But weirdos like me cherish the good times.

Fire Bad


I decided to devote this chapter to an angry side not seen in this book. Well I have had some repressed feelings about someone I had a crush on for almost a year and Finally I realized I should be pissed with her. This woman used me. I went out with her over the summer and when I went to vacation in Florida to visit my dad. She decided she met someone better and went out with him. I being immature thought I loved her and I told her this. I regret that now. But she dumped me when I returned. I never knew why she did I thought it was me. I thought I wasn't good enough. But I stayed friends dreaming she would go out with me. Maybe I was obsessed. But I had a crush on her the whole year. And I was there for her. She got in an accident I was there. But then I learned from someone else what she did. And I was so sad. I almost killed myself. I am too emotional I guess. But I was still friends with her. Till I learned she wanted to go out with all my friends. And she went out with one and now we are not friends. I was jealous. What a mistake I made. But then whenever the subject of her cheating on me she felt sorry for the other guy and that was the last straw. I didn't talk to her. She apologized and I accepted it. Then she expected me to pay all my attention to her and I didn't receive any from her. So I couldn't take it I called her a whore to her face. And I ripped up her picture and burned her letters which left a hole in my rug. It's scarred forever. I need a rug to place over it now for my careless mistake.
I used fire to express my rage and on her picture I urinated on to show my disgust as I flushed it down the toilet to show how it would leave me forever. Thank god I am over her. It took me nearly a year and advice from my friends.

Being Politically Correct for Lack of Bumps and Bruises


We have a dreaded way we need to respect each other. It's called P.C. And this is for us not to offend people who are not Caucasian. So now we have to use long boring words to address nationalities. Because now colors are offensive.
1. No longer blacks--African Americans
2. No longer yellow or Oriental--Asian Americans
3. No longer brown or Mexican--Hispanic, Latino, Chicano
4. No longer White--Caucasian
5. No longer Indians--Native Americans
But in a world of diversity what do we call people of mixed decent. We are no @&%$ Mutts we are people too. Am I a Latasiacasican. That's a bit of everything. No when we sign forms we go under OTHER now that is a damn shame. We need a name for all hybrids. We deserve to have politically correct titles.
P.C. is a long way to step over egg-shells for people. And frankly we have to be careful because of lawyers and loop-holes. How will our kids divert people in such interracial couples. Right now any girl I go out with is making us an interracial couple. I say we call my people American- Americans. Because America is a big salad of people and we are the offspring of a new generation.

Tra-La-La More Music I Enjoyed and Learned From


I still listen to music and I express myself in the music I listen to. I love people like me who really love music and can relate to the lyrics. It's like we get messages so we can go crazy and kill ourselves. I'm Just Kidding.
1. Fuck you I won't do what you tell me. Rage Against the Machine This reminds me that I am independent and you can't boss me around because I'm short.
2. If I were dead she wouldn't love me anymore. self I'm afraid that even though people say they love me that when I'm dead they'll forget me. I guess I am still insecure but that isn't about everyone just a few people.
3. I'm not bragging just out and lagging you don't wanna fuck with me. Above The Law
Well this is from some of the little bit of rap I listen to but it reminds I am still tough besides being petite so I am not just a little jack-ass.
4. I'll wait. Loud Lucy It has no point except that I have lots of patience.
5. I want you to love me dear, when I'm not here. Loud Lucy I want to be remembered and loved maybe even have a few stalkers hang around my house. But I love to be loved.
6. If I could ask you how you feel would you reply all the truths you shield? Teenage Fanclub.
Can you be totally honest with me? I have been honest with you. this is a cool song because he said fizzin. And in Scotland that's illegal. But I trust people who are honest and I am known for being honest.
7. We love each other, theres no catch, we have tattoos, nose-rings that match, we go to meetings and play pool, we do whatever is really cool. that dog
I would love to have a girlfriend like this were we are really close because I guess I still believe in true love and not just infatuation.
8. And you can have it all, my empire of dirt , I will let you down I will make you hurt. nine inch nails
I would give everything I have to people but I wouldn't hurt people.
There was the latest installment of songs that contribute to my insane lifestyle.

Birdie+Girl= Depression


Suicide is an easy way to get rid of a lot of pain and misery. But it causes pain to others. I can be honest suicide has crossed my mind on many occasions. Luckily I know I am just depressed and I can be better. But the reason I get depressed is because of women. I thought I really liked girls. But I am having trouble with them. It seems that I am a nice guy but it seems to be little things that cause me to be single. I mean some people are picky it's something stupid like I am not rich. I mean who would allow that to separate you from a great guy. No ones perfect. But I have contemplated suicide. I mean it takes a second to jump in front of a speeding car or it can take less to pull a trigger or it could be bloody by slitting your wrist. But I do have some good friends who actually care for me. So because of them I am still living. As said by self, " I'm so low that I wish I was dead, with a knife in my chest and a bullet in my head . "Now that is strong words to me. Anna Waronker wrote " I can't do this anymore I can't think here anymore." And those were words that crossed in my mind when I heard the girl I was going out with decided to cheat on me and she felt sorry for the other guy and not me because I am still talking to her. But that doesn't happen anymore. But if suicide seems to be the only answer remember that there are people who love you and things can only get better.

The Body of a Birdie


Journey onto a fascinating place called my body. Since I recently heard so many women describe me as being sexy. And while still blushing but not yet conceited I will describe what I seem to call my own "Sex Machine".
let's start below the neck. Well I am probably the first person to have an actual favorite nipple. But it's not the actual nipple I am proud of it's how I have two freckles over it and they to me resemble little eyes . And on those often mis-adventures of Pez-high incidents I take a ball-point pen and draw a smile underneath it and it makes a cute little face.
A little lower you'll notice I have been gaining some weight and my ribs don't stick out so much as they use to. I use to feel like people from third world countries because I was so skinny. On my left rib area I have a slight scar due to our pain-master Keith biting me during our wild and crazy parties.
Further down the Spiral (NIN plug) I have the infamous stomach of a thousand smiles. This great canvas as I have described it has had numerous smiley faces on it and that tradition goes on today. And then lower than the smile is a belly button which is not out but not to far in.
Hmmmm we drop lower past Peter make a left at the twins and continue to my leg which is a hair producing prior to some stuck-up bastards beliefs .
So now you know my body pretty well and It seems to be a popular thing that everyone wants to see. And if you go to a club see of the magnificent Thigh Master will strip cause that will be good old me.

The Freaky Things About Dreams


I love dreams but they are so weird. I can never remember dreams to well unless it was a night-mare. Are night-mares such a bad experience that you can remember I mean I now wake every morning repeating to myself what happened in my dream .
I also noticed that even though weird things happen in my dreams I don't realize it was a dream till I wake up. I remember having a dream where I was a super hero with the ability to fly and walk through walls. And the thought never crossed my mind that none of this is really happening.
But since night-mares are so scary. How come night-mares sound stupid when you tell someone. I use to have a dream that Wile E. Coyote stopped chasing the Road Runner and decided to pursue little kids and one of them was me. Now that is a stupid dream but it really freaked me out.
Okay dreams are freaky but I don't have a lot of good stories about it so take my word for it and read the next chapter.

When I Take Over the World


Well you can tell by the title what one insane plan of mine is. Well this was an idea I got from Pinky and the brain and I was bored in Biology so I wrote a list of things that would happen if I took over the world.
1. Every body will have a tattoo of a smiley face on their stomach. They would be creative and different. And when a child turns 13 he will pick what tattoo he has.
This is because I still believe that smiles are the remedy for a frown.
2. This book "The Ramblings of a Naked Man" would be considered a bible. So my friend Aaron is now the editor to the bible.
3. One major religion will be Birdism. So now Erin and I won't be the only Birdists.
4. Our prime time Television programs would consist of more cartoons and Cartoon channels would be more plentiful. Every house would have three different Networks dedicated to Cartoons, at least.
5. Clothing will be optional. Because the nude figure is a beautiful thing and it is a form of freeing ourselves from such evil shackles.
6. Japanese animation would be more viewed and would be one of the greater forms of animation.
7. Originality is appreciated and desired among everyone.
8. Dogs will no longer be Man's best friend they will be replaced by a more loyal creature. The birds.
Thank you and there were no subliminal messages in this chapter so put your pants on.

How to be a Birdist in your leisure time.


Wow I still can't believe I started my own religion. But not everyone is exactly sure what Birdism involves. It's very simple.
1. You express yourself through music, art and writing.
This is so you can extend your mind into a new form and have everyone see your thought as you perform.
2. Nature provides us with everything. The clothes we wear the food we eat all comes from animals. There sacrifice should not go un-rewarded. Respect your belongings. And nature around you.
3. Take care of yourself; You are your instrument. You should be healthy and not put drugs in you. You need to respect yourself because in Birdism you are the most important thing to yourself.
4. Take time to think about all the things you have and all the beauty around you.
5. Your first child must be named after the priest who married you.
6. Try to put creative approaches to things. Go out of your way to be different whenever possible.
7. Make up your own spirit to replace the mundane god when people thank him . Mine is the great Bird Spirit. Who has a large smiley face on his stomach .
8. Do not ask others to change their beliefs. They do not try to change you let them believe what they want.
9. Share with people until that privilege is abused.
10. Be open to new Ideas. Don't shackle yourself to think one way. We live in a diverse culture and we must be different with it.
These are the ten commandments of Birdism. If you believe in the Ideas of Birdism. Follow these rules as well as you can. Because Religion can be a burden.

Aids Versus Bigger Penises


This is a great title over a loss of priorities. I mean we cannot find a cure for aids, or the common cold; But we found a scientific way to make Penises Bigger . Any woman can honestly say that a large Penis does not excite them one bit. But men in fear of being Inferior decide to enlarge their member. I have seen a picture of a man with an eighteen inch long penis and if he stuck it in a woman it would skewer her heart and vital organs on the way. Now that would freak out a woman completely. That does not excite them.
Then there is silicon. Woman surgically enhance there breasts to please men. Men like this too. But to me to lumps of fat with a nipple do not impress me. Women with large breasts are to me deformed cruel pranks of nature. And women who make there breasts bigger are stupid women with a lack of self esteem.
In closing your body is natural don't change it to be a freak.

DOGS ARE BEASTS OF EVIL


Dogs for many years have been considered man's best friend. But how great is a dog? Could you ever think that a dog can be pure evil. Dogs have been known to attack and they are just a lesser breed of wolves. Besides do we know what dogs think.
Dog spelled backwards is god so is it backwards (Opposite) to god's way. So dogs are the opposite of god which is good, so they are evil.
Also Hades the god of the underworld rode a chariot which was pulled by hounds. And even the guardian of hell is a three headed hell-hound named Cerebus.
Well now even though I have a lack of faith in god , dogs are still evil and birds are mans true best friends.

It Takes a Real Man to Wear Women's Clothing.


Well I have always believed clothes should not "Belong" to a certain sex I have seen many women wear pants and it should not be different that men should wear dresses. How come if a man wears a dress he is either gay or a transvestite. But a woman can wear anything and it doesn't matter.
Maybe dresses are more comfortable. Have you thought about the leg room you could have with a dress on instead of tight jeans. Women seem more comfortable wearing it. And it could add a whole new style. Could you see something like flannel skirts being sold for men. (BESIDES KILTS)
Maybe we should revolt and put on a dress. We need to tell the world clothes are not made for one group of people and that we are all created equal.

The Eightball: An Icon of Evil


I had a recent encounter with the popular all-knowing Eightball. It has predicted twice that I will die. Luckily I defied fate and postponed her premature thread-cutting. Here is one tale of my near misfortune.
First it is a nice Saturday morning the birds were singing in Florida I was in a nice condo in the Colorado mountains. My fellow Birdist Erin is throwing a Birthday party. One of her gifts was an Eightball. Well we played with all of her toys when I asked the question "Before we leave the Condo will anyone get hurt?"
It answered, "Yes."
I asked, "Will it be me?"
It replied " Most Likely."
I asked "Am I the only one?"
The Eightball's response was, "It is Certain."
I was scared before we leave I was going to die I cursed the ball in a way only a great Birdist Priest could. And started to make my will. I gave the three dollars left in my wallet to everybody in the room left. I gave my Electronics to My mom because I owe her for the rug. I gave my comic books to my brother because he still likes them. I gave my Happy Meal toys to Eric who has more fun with them than I do. I gave my Cd's to Sarah , I think. Because she appreciates good music. And as my dying wish Zac would publish my book. I gave Dustin the ball and let him play with it.
Dustin asked. " Will Birdie Die in the shower?"
It said, "Without a doubt."
I was scared I am so close to death it's just a few steps away.
Dustin asked " Will it be painful?"
The ball answered " No."
At least it would be painless I had a sigh of reassurance.
"Would Tony die having sex?" Dustin asked.
"All signs point to yes" Said the eightball.
I yelled, "with a girl?"
The ball said "No"
So I am going to die either being sodomized, well If I dropped the soap it could happen. Or I would die while masturbating. Which I wouldn't do in a shower or at all.
So I hugged the guys and went on my way.
Zac said "What about the girls?"
I thought just screw the girls this is a manly thing. They should remember me being a man and not being a coward. Then Dustin asked the ball. "If Birdie hugged the girls would he live.
"Without a doubt." the ball answered.
I ran down the stairs into the girls room knocked the door and demanded to be in there. The girls asked why. When I said it was a matter of life and death Brittany let me in. She asked "What's the matter?"
I told her I need a hug from all the girls or I will die. I hugged Brittany then Anna then Carrie. Erin was in the shower so I had to wait so I hugged her mom. When she got out I hugged her then I headed to the shower. I took a shower then thought I could beat this by taking a bath. But I went to shower.
When I got out alive I screamed aloud. "Yeah" I got dressed and ran down the stairs screaming that I am still alive.

I HATE YOU, YOU ARE STUPID I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS 4-20-96

The above title has been several things said to me by my peers. I refuse to act like a person who is near genius. Because I do have a 150 IQ I don't like to show off in fear of being stuck-up. I am no better than anybody, and no-one is better than me. So stop the stereo-types I am sick of ignorant attitudes. I have been taunted, threatened, attacked, harassed and even been told offensive sexual slurs due to my attitude on life. I am a poster child for originality, and in my own school I have been harassed by my unique appearance. A basic description of me is a person with brown hair spiked up, wearing an inverted-bill golf visor turned around, or I'll wear a Top-Hat. I wear a tie instead of a belt at times around my oversize jeans. People being stuck up believe I am inferior or even retarded. "I am a man. I am real proud of my Man hood" Gavin Rossdale. I am a very masculine man. I have never been afraid of my sexuality. So it does not shock me to hug a fellow man. But some guys, believe I am a Homo-sexual male. I am not gay-bashing but I am not gay, I don't personally agree with that life style but I refuse to be ignorant and harass someone different from me. I have been called faggot and queer. IF you read your dictionary you will know That a faggot is a bundle of sticks you throw on the fire. Queer means unusual or different so maybe I am queer but I am not gay. Violent threats have some to me for being me. I have a girl in my English class threaten to kill me numerous times. I am a loved person. If this person knew me and what I am all about that would be one less person trying to kill me.

WHY DON'T WE TAKE OVER THE SCHOOL? 4-21-96

This is going to be a reason this book will not be widely published. I know nobody is going to accept someone who is just a little less confined and thought of an Idea like this. There is at my school 2000 plus people I think it's close to 2500 right now it's very over crowded. And there isn't a lot of teachers in this school. There is one teacher for every thirty students in class some teachers have even more. But I know that some of these teachers are not superior athletes, they are not super heroes. We can overcome with a little leadership, the student body can command the school in an insane plot to make the school government an Anarchy. Now doesn't that sound like a neat Idea to take over the school? I hate a lot of my teachers and some hate their teachers a lot more than I do. I don't see why no one has plotted this besides me. I refuse to believe that these authority figures are actually respected by us nonetheless even threatening. I'm throwing in my two cents and making a decision that one day this book will be read and someone will get their school to lose adult leadership. I hope to live to see That day when someone decides to carryout my dreams of domination.

WHO IS THAT FOLLOWING ME IN THE BUSHES? 4-21-96

Have you ever understood the reasoning behind a stalkers obsession? I have contemplated the idea of a persons worship which turns from letter writing to such bizarre things as a person thrown in jail trying to kill you. I would like to have some one stalk me. I would be so flattered if a person's whole life revolved around seeing me, if they want to see me naked if they want to see what I do in day's work. I guess I can only dream about a persons insanity and hero-worship. I always feared that having a crush on a person would have me go so far as to have myself stalk them and threaten their boyfriends. Could I be that insane to stalk a person as an animal would do to it's prey. concentrating my life into a bleak exsistene and seeing every move they make and knowing so much information that I could copy that person and do like that movie " Single White Female." where a person was so obbsessed with someones life she tried to take it. If I ever became a stalker I would not stalk someone rich and famous I would follow someone who was very interesting. So if I was caught I wouldn't get in much trouble except for I would have a restraining order.

TALENT THE REASON I AM BIRDIE 4-24-96


I have many talents It is something I take pride in. I can make people laugh, and I am a natural entertainer. People even say that I have a writing talent. I don't believe it yet, but I do write a lot. I wish I had a musical talent because I love music, but I haven't learned to play an instrument I can't sing, But I can use a karyonke.But recently in pursuit of women I have been dropping my talent. No-one really noticed my change. But I did and it angers me. That I would take my life and throw it away when It is what I did that got me girlfriends in some cases. I am a lovable guy but I am starting to hate my change. I gave up talent for women. I am in an attempt to change back to a normal person but I doubt that could happen for a while I will have to take it back one day at a time. I have had a great loss and inside I am completely empty.
Not to knock on women but my life has had less confusion and anger when I was not involved totally with them. I now spend more time on the phone with girls than actually doing other things. As I type I am expecting a call from my girlfriend who I really care for, so I can be living at a perfect stage if I can keep a steady girlfriend and not lose my ability to write and draw and act. But that is only my Utopia and my ultimate goal. As long as I can stay Birdie and still be loved by women I would be to myself a perfect man.

I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE 4-26-96


Suicide is a major killer among teenagers today. People being ignorant think that we have it to easy to be considering a demise like that. I have planned suicide a bit. I haven't carried out with it because I have not gotten the mentality to hurt myself. But I am suffering from depression at times. I hate thinking about suicide but it does come up. The person who causes me to think such thoughts is my mother. She has a way of dragging everything bad you've done against you at all times. She yells at me and I feel like less of a person. She says I'm worthless and it makes me feel like death is an only option. I don't want to kill myself but I do have lots of stress I don't think a person my age should have. I have to do good in school. I have to perform well. I need to spend more time on my writing and art. I want to go to a dance tommarow and I can't because e my brother told my mom I threw a party when she was out on a date. Which is half true I had three friends over and they left and that was at-least a month ago. My mom thinks I am conspiring against her. She does favors for my brother and I but she volunteers them, then she expects us to do more. I want to move out of the house but that would mean going to Florida and I don't want to leave my friends. And I also just might kill myself. I know thats harsh but I hate the mental torture, I hate the way my own mother treats me. I hate being in my room crying because my mother says I can't do anything. Those words hurt me. It's bad enough I am harassed everyday by tons of people I have to go home and take a verbal beating from my mother. An option like suicide is a big step. There is many ways I could have killed myself. First there is ton of sharp razor-blades my brother use s at work to open boxes, I can slit my wrist with one. Or I could overdose on pills left in our closet from all the times we have been sick. I can walk down the street and jump in front of a speeding car. My possibilities are endless, and the torture is overwhelming. I now have to think to myself that I am destined for greatness and this anguish will end. I hope.

CAN'T HELP BUT STAY AWAY WHEN YOU'RE SO DAMN EVIL 5-8-96


The title is a quote from Mike Mahaffey of Self. There will be more quotes in my book. What is evil. Webster's dictionary defines it as: Bad, Wicked and Slanderous. Now to me that is a crappy definition. So here is my own. Evil is an adjective for someone with a lack of morals. A person I greatly look up to is considered evil. A singer in a band under his name, "Marilyn Manson" the lead singer is an ordained minister of Satan and is planning the downfall of Christianity. I am a major anti-religious person. I believe that religion is a hoax, that it brainwashes children. And the system of religion is totally screwed up when it comes to a persons beliefs. I believe in my own religion Birdism. I know people who are practicing forms of Christianity, and I don't hold it against them and they don't tell me what I should believe. In my religion Mr. Manson has been a role model for me since he has the charisma and ideas of a great leader. He may consider himself to be the anti-Christ. And I follow him 99% on his religious beliefs. I have been a Birdist since sixth grade. I came up with it during dodge -ball. I was so cocky and coordinated II could sit on the floor and meditate while we played I had my own mantra and I chanted to a Great Big Bird, Who later evolved into the Great Bird Spirit. Being more humorous than serious the Idea of Birdism was forgotten until earlier this school year I had a problem with a girl when she decided not to go out with me because of my religious beliefs. Later in that week I read my ramblings I wrote and remembered my religion I being the sole Birdist at the time. I was ordaining myself as a Birdist high Priest. Now after three months I have a loyal following of three Birdist people. I hope in adulthood that Birdism is a more popular practice I need to modify the Birdist beliefs and ways of life. But my key to anti-religion is Birdism which contradicts my Ideas of religion but this is my way of life. I am not evil. Nor am I good. I am Birdie and I am what I want to be. And my beliefs are genuine and as pure as my soul isn't. "I'm the one without a soul, I'm the one with this big fucking hole." Trent Reznor

OLD MACDONALD HAD A SONG E I E I OH! 5-8-96


Music has been an inspirational thing I have been addicted to. I study musicians and I have some damn good musical knowledge. Here are a few choice quotes I haven't used in my book yet.
1. I'm so happy cause today I found my friends, they're in my head. Kurt Cobain. I know that I am my own best friend and I can trust myself and the voice in my head hasn't steered me into the wrong direction often.
2. We look the same, we talk the same.-Courtney Love People have major stereo-types about people. One major one is Rangeview is full of stuck up snobs. And we are a ghetto school. I know I am not stuck up I am very open minded and though I am not very well off money wise. I am not poor, I live well on the money I do have. another Stereo-type is that all teenagers are " Gang members, drug users, violent, impregnating, scum." I know what I am and I know I am not any of these I am still drug free and a virgin and though like all people I can get violent I have not killed anyone or stolen anything. 3. I can't believe your listening. Loud Lucy I have a bit of a hard time accepting that when I write down my ramblings and gibberish it is a popular thing for people to read. 4. One summer night, I was fourteen. Anna Waronker One summer night about two years ago I was fourteen, so I guess I could relate to that. That is all my current musical quotes I choose to use as parts of my theme song. I hope you can be as entertained as I was just writing them.

WHY CAN'T I BE IN LOVE? 5-12-96

This chapter is my remarkable recovery of women worship. I thought girls were so sweet pure and innocent. Caring, compassionate, loving, people. I envied women. I wish I was more feminine. But after going out with them for a year I decided they suck. Women are deceiving, lying, evil bastards. Though I don't want to I am going to be continuing to have relationships with them. Almost every girl I have gone out with has been telling me stupid reasons why they break up with me. They spend the time go ing out with me saying what a great guy I am then they decided they want someone who is good looking. I know I am not the most attractive man in the world. But I have so many fine qualities that are not appreciated. I am an individual, a great boyfriend and a hell of a person. If that can not be appreciated by the opposite sex then fuck you. I don't need the pressure of a relationship. I am now a single man. My life was whole lot easier before I was involved with women. I refuse to put up with this crap. Women are scum there is no way they can be the superior sex. I HATE WOMEN, I'M GIVING UP ON BEING HAPPY WITH THEM!

YOUR GOD IS DEAD BECAUSE I'M ATHEIST 6-5-96


That is my own quote for a song I am writing with my band I am working on called E I E I O. I do though believe this since I have gotten from not believing in god to actually hating people who are in organized religion. I spend classes hearing that I am going to burn in hell just because I don't believe in god. It was hard enough for me to forget my beliefs. I grew up being a catholic child. Though Catholicism is not my belief, I am an Agnostic.
I spent to long of people telling me I'm going to hell because I don't believe in god. If there is no god then there is no hell. I am not going there. When I die I am going to disappear. I will not exist I will be a decomposing piece of nitrogen. I will feed the plants that will feed you.
Religion is a system of beliefs but all religions have a problem with another religion's beliefs. I have started my own religion and I have been ridiculed by people who make fun of my GREAT BIRD SPIRIT ®. Who is the creator of this universe. Who does not accept praise it is what he does.
Since this is my religion I am making all the rules and beliefs of Birdism. This is the ten commandments of Birdism.
1. Always be open minded, Every one is different because being unique is great.
2. Respect yourself and your body, always put your life first.
3. Be free, do not let yourself be tied down for a reason,
4. Be productive, when you work put all your effort in what you do
5. Express yourself, Strive in the arts, Let your feelings be known by what people see, hear, taste, feel or smell
6. Be proud of yourself, you are great never be told otherwise
7. Never ever let someone change your beliefs, you change them yourself
8. Never try to convince a person to change their beliefs
9. Don't let the ignorant mind hurt you, you are better than that.
10. The first child must be named after the priest who married you.
I am currently the only Birdist priest in existence though there are only five birdists including myself.
Birdism has other commandments in the first book so try to reach a happy medium with any that argue with each other
On the way of Christianity being evil. I don't like Christianity but I will not hold that against a person but I have already had two girls who dumped me because I am not religious, but I don't care.
I can get along with tons of people till religion comes up. I can live with your beliefs so why can't you live with mine?

I'M A FUCKING CARE BEAR® 6-19-96


This time I am continuing my adventure in Florida. I never realized until now that I am a Care Bear ®. Remember the Care Bears ® ? A bunch of little bears with pictures of stuff on their stomachs. It was a lovable group, and as a young child I thought they were great. I never realized that I was one. I carry the emblem of smiley face on my stomach and I show people to make them happy. I am in shock that I never thought of myself as a fictional group of characters who I fell in love with as a child. The Care Bears ® were my heroes. I feel childish thinking in this way but it is the truth.

THE ORIGIN OF MAMU AND THE SMILEY FACE BROTHERS AND SISTERS 7-10-96


This chapter is entirely devoted to the special people who made me famous. Mamu the bear, and Every one of the thousands of smiley face brothers and sisters. All have been appreciated by myself and the people who enjoyed smiling. This is the mystical origin of the smiley face Family.
Last year around homecoming Amber was trying to use up some red lipstick, this was after a pep assembly where I was decorated from head to toe with our school colors. Being extremely hyper I took her lipstick and I drew a smiley face on my stomach. No one saw me do it but It was there then I went to show people. They all thought I was crazy which is half true . That one smiley face was so funny to me I started using face paint that I used during the assembly but that got messy and by the end of the day it would be a smudge so I started to use markers, but my favorite smiley faces I had were from little temporary tattoos. Although they did look dull they would never smear or attach to the bottom of my shirts so I was grateful.
The origin of Mamu is a little more interesting. His was secretive but more appreciated than the smiley face family. Mamu was more secretive because, Mamu is my right nipple. To me he is more than a nipple. Over the nipple at a 12 oclock and a 9 oclock position there is two moles. which at a pez high evening when I was examining the human body I saw the eyes peer at me so I grabbed a pen and drew a little smile under it. No one knew about it except me. I knew the first tattoo I get it will be there. I didn't show anyone because some were disgusted by my stomach they would freak out when they saw my nipple they would think I was a pervert. I continued to draw the face on myself and it was never revealed till one time at Zac's party I took off my shirt for some reason and forgot about him, everyone saw and asked what it was. I told them it was my favorite nipple. It was funny and yet another thing to expose when i met people. Not until a few months later did I get a name for him.
It was a usual school morning Jamie MacLeod and I were playing RAGE ®. I was winning of course because of a card named MAMU. As my victory celebration I sang the Under Dog ® theme, which was sung by the Butt-Hole Surfers. Roach was singing along except every time I said "UNDER DOG!" He would yell out "MAMUUUUUUUUUU!" And it was funny so I drew a panda bear in my next class and named him Mamu. I recognized my drawing and drew it on my nipple and called it Mamu. So that is the origin of Mamu.
The origins of these two forces are completely Non-Fictional, Yes they are real. These two forces combined made a great effort in the originality of Birdie.

WHEN ETIQUETTE IS REALLY NEEDED 7-22-96


Etiquette is something practiced just about everywhere. When we eat we are taught to be polite calm and healthy. In school we are suppose to be respectful and well dressed, but what do we so in such circumstances as in a mosh pit?
A mosh pit is considered to be a dangerous chaotic palace of pain. Hence the word "PIT" with such hazards at risk, a "PIT" is often desired by teenage youth. I have engaged numerous mosh pits though I consider myself a novice. First though I consider myself an easy crowd surfing professional, at my recent Lollapalooza venture I noticed how polite people are when you ask them to give you a boost. But If you can't get a persons attention It is not rude to just boost yourself off a person's shoulders. The hardest thing to do as a crowd surfer is to keep your feet up. when your feet are dropped you are a hazard of kicking people. being on both sides of a incident involve kicking it is one thing that can cause a person to hurt you. Female Crowd surfers have one problem that male crowd surfers don't have. That is unlawful copulation. Some men in the mosh pit find it to be easy prey to grab a girl in the mess of flight. A singer named "Poe" had advice to such a predicament. That was to grab the offenders hand lead up to who it is and bop them in the noggin. This is the only advice I can give when It comes to crowd surfing etiquette, but it is like beer know when to say when moshing can be dangerous if you stay too long.

UP ON THE WALL AND SPREAD 'EM 10-16-96


This chapter reflects a run in I had with "THE MAN" Due to my ability to persuade and kiss a whole lot of ass, I was lucky to get a warning but the evening provided enough laughs and scares.
It started on a beautiful evening on a Saturday night in September. I had the honor to drive my brother's beautiful car, with his bitching stereo system. While driving my friend Holly home since she was sick. Being my first time in this car I was unaware that I had only the parking lights on instead of the actual driving lights.
On the corner of Chambers and Florida I was preparing for a left turn when at the light tons of people are flashing their brights. At this moment I was physically excited listening to Rage Against the Machine it was my favorite song "Know Your Enemy" Which like most of the songs bad mouth the police.
I make my left turn wondering why everyone flashed their brights " Are my lights blinding them and they think I have my brights on?"
Then after the turn a cop pulled me over. I was so scared I get pulled over in my brother's car. What am I going to do? I turned off the stereo and the car. I rolled down the window and held my hands outside so it was clear I had nothing. Zac and Erin are in the backseat so they could cruise with me.
Zac was uncomfortable with my brother's flannel shirt that he put it behind him. Erin was fondling two billiard balls which was a white eight ball and a black cue ball.
The cop comes to the window and while trying to act like I know what to do, I asked " What seems to be the problem?"
The cop informs me of my non lit lights. I apologize and he proceed through the pull over procedures after he ran through my ID and Insurance, he asked me to take a sobriety test.
Beforehand he was curious what Erin was playing with, so he asked bluntly "What do you got there?" I turn and see the balls, I told him on the spot that this was my brother's car and he has those as decoration because he's an idiot. Then he started the test.
He asked me to follow his pen with only my eyes. Being nervous my eyes were racing back and forth. ( Yes I was sober, drugs are bad for you). He then asked me to get out of the car, I thought "Aw shit I'm getting cuffed" Then he took Zac out of the car and frisked him, He thought Zac stashed pot or something similar to that. I thought I was next but he just gave me a warning since through this whole episode I was apologizing and he heard we were leaving a church dance.
After this episode we returned to the dance and bragged how we got pulled over then for the rest of the night Erin was "Frisking" Zac, and I was recieving sympithetic hugs.

Thank you for visiting my Ramblings. After reading these again since the last time I posted them, I think I am determined to post on my diary-x page which can be located at http://supernerdcore.diary-x.com
you can go home now