emily's diary
disclaimer: (yes, a disclaimer) emily is completely fictional.
she is a twisted little girl and her thoughts, opinions, actions
do NOT reflect the thoughts/opiniones/actions of the author of
this piece. At all. (special thanks to Bob for helping me
with this. I was drawing a blank about what an 8 year old
girl would complain about)
*
School started today. I hate school. This stupid girl, Vickie,
followed me home and wanted to talk. I kept telling her to shut
up but she wouldn't listen. So I pushed her. They had to take
her to the hospital in an ambulence. She broke her ankle.
*
I hate this kid everyone calls Nixon. I don't know why. He's
just dumb. He wears this dumb hat and these dumb glasses. I
think I'm going to steal his hat.
*
There's this annoying girl in my English class. I think her
name's Karen. I don't know what planet she's from, but she
never ever shuts up. Another girl in that same class is the
same way. Her name's Rachel. I think I'm going to leave a
dead fish in each of their lockers.
*
My neighbors are at it again. These two guys live next door
to me and they're always playing with their stupid cars.
One of them has a Ferrari. I bet it's fake. The other one
has a Corvette. No wonder why they're living next door to
me, all their money is in those dumb cars. If you ask me,
two guys living alone together is a little suspicious.
Besides that, you know what they say about guys who have to
drive flashy cars.
*
My stupid art teacher didn't like my painting. I hate
my art teacher. Ms. Kapp. HA! Ms. KRAP! She keeps
calling colors "hughs". Who the hell is Hugh and what
did he ever do to deserve having every friggen color of the
friggen rainbow named after him? I hate Hugh.
*
I hate Goths. There's a stupid Goth chick who always wants
to sit with me at lunch. She always wears all black and
paints her face white. She wears fangs too. What the hell
does she think she is? She has a cat. I hate cats. I think
I'll hang her cat.
*
My stupid cousin Zach is at it again. He seems to think that I
give two squirts of goat piss what he does with his life. I
hate Zach. He thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips. I hate
the phrase all that and a bag of chips, too.
*
Damn Zach. His parents split. Now everyone’s being all nice to
him. Too bad he can’t go and live with his father in Utah.
Noooo, he has to stay with mommy. I think I’m going to put
Clorox in his fish tank.
*
I hate boybands. This girl in my class loves boy bands. She's
always talking about these dumb guys who look and sing like
girls and how much she loves them. I hate them. And I hate
her. Today she started talking about them again and I yelled
"SHUT UP! No one likes your stupid bands!" She started crying.
So I cut her hair while she was blowing her nose.
*
I hate this stupid class. There are these two kids, Mike and
Sam, and all they ever do is talk to each other with their
stupid voices and their stupid faces. I hate listening to their
stupid voices and looking at their stupid faces. I think I'll
empty my cats' litter box into their lockers.
*
Stupid Tim in my stupid writing class. He thinks he's some
kind of artist or something. He just sits there looking like
Austin Powers and saying dumb things. He's so dumb.
*
Xav. What’s up with Xav? He talked to me today. I told him to
shut up and die. The kid just won’t die. He’s almost died at
least a dozen times. The only reason he’s alive is to piss me
off. I think I’ll cut the brakes on his bike.
*
Well, I cut Xav’s brakes. Unfortunately, when his bike began to
pick up speed and he realized he couldn’t stop, he just went
right into a pond. What a waste of a perfectly good bike.
Especially since he’s ok. The damn kid won’t die.
*
Zach's father died. Now everyone feels bad for him. Traitors.
Too bad it was his father and not him.
*
What’s up with these stupid lunch box thermos things? They take
up half of your lunch box and look like they should be a nice
big drink, then you take two sips and it’s gone! I want to find
the man who invented them and run over his dog with my bike.
*
There’s this stupid kid in my art class. Bob. He’s always
complaining to me about this girl he likes. I think I have to
leave her name out of this. It’s obvious she doesn’t like him
back and she’s a whore anyway, but he still moans to me about
how much he likes her. Like I can do anything about it or like
I even care.
*
Today I was trying to paint when Bob started talking about that
stupid whore again. I told him to shut the hell up because no
one cares about him or his stupid love affair with a stupid
whore. Then I put a stripe of red paint on his shirt. The
teacher yelled at me but I couldn’t stop laughing. She sent me
to the office and I was still laughing while the principal was
calling my parents.
*
Everyone’s always saying how funny stupid comedians are. I hate
stupid comedians. I like Dennis Leary. I hate Chris Rock and
his stupid voice. I hate Jim Carrey and his stupid face. I
really want to cut off Jim Carrey’s face. I would put it on my
dog as a Halloween mask. That would be pretty funny.
*
This stupid girl is always making out with her moron boyfriend.
I think her name's Natalie. She has stupid hair. So does her
boyfriend. I think I'll put Nair in their shampoo.
*
It’s almost Christmas. I’m not even getting any presents. My
dad says it’s because he was laid off and we don’t have any
money, but I know the real reason. Santa can’t fit his fat ass
down our chimney.
*
I lost a tooth yesterday. The tooth Fairy must be one sick
bitch. Why she would give kids money for teeth. I didn’t even
get any money, though. She just took my tooth. Next time I’m
going to pull out one of her teeth and not give her any money.
Bitch.
*
I hate diaries. You write everything you think then you go
back and look at it and it doesn't help you at all. You just
realize how much everything sucks. I hate you diary. I bet you
would look cool on fire.
.home.