things i've learned the hard way
a shin is only good for finding furniture in the dark.
if you don't feel a breeze, the glass door is probably
closed and you cannot walk through it.
if i ever become an evil overlord, the artifact that
could cause my demise would not be kept on the mountain
of despair beyond the river of fire guarded by the
dragons of eternity. it will be in my safe deposit box.
you can not pee into a mr. coffee and get taster's choice.
(long story, don't ask.)
the curse of the dark purple dodge durango is real!
make copies of everything you do and guard your diSks.
poor danny diamond lost his diSk and we wouldn't want that
happening to anyone else the week before mid terms.
(would we ms. konaxis?)
every woman should own one lavishly expensive set
of undergarments, and one dress that can reduce
men to tears.
guys may be able to fix things, but women can cry to get
off speeding tickets. not that i would ever need to of
course.
just because no one understands you does not mean
you're an artist.
if you use big words, people question you less....
even when you have no idea what you're talking about.
i'm easy to get along with once people learn
to worship me.
even though some people look like they're doing nothing,
they're actually quite busy on the cellular level.
in my parents' day, they didn't have virtual reality...
if a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing
you, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
when you're bored, being completely random helps.
when you're broke, being completely random helps.
when you need to BS your way out of a term paper, being
completely random helps.
no matter what the cop says, 'downtown rowley' is
an oxymoron.
dressing up and going to the rocky horror picture show is
the answer to all of life's problems.
it is true what they say about girls who ride horses.
it must be awfully hard to hear with your head up your ass.
the quickest way to a man's heart is to saw open his
sternum.
baking is fun, especcially when you give the results to
a random person who never expected it.
the best brownies are chocolate chip ones.
being skinny isn't as fun as eating.
corrollary: a fluffy butt is more comfortable
to sit on.
you can never be too cuddly.
brothers make great friends, but don't expect
them to hang out with you on a regular basis,
they have friends and lives and better things to do.
no matter how much like candy it tastes, medicine should
not be snacked on.
angels and faeries pop up in the most random places.
those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak
enough to be restrained.
garth brooks is a god.
sometimes chocolate really can solve all your problems.
the louder you laugh, the funner it is to do so.
you can never have too much leopard, snakeskin, or black
clothes.
do as much stuff as you can while you're young and
stupid.
cowboy boots and hats rule.
corrollary: wearing a cowboy hat in the yearbook
makes it easy to find your own picture to show the
grandkids
just because the teacher is good, doesn't mean the class
doesn't suck
just because the class is good, doesn't mean the
teacher doesn't suck.
crushes are childish and immature. that's why they're fun.
if i wanted you to know what i'm thinking,
i'd be talking.
some things can be compromised on, but religion is not one
of them. don't pretend to believe something you don't,
even if it hurts someone you love. you have to live with
your descision.
if you pretend you have confidence, people will
start believing you, and eventually you may too.
when life hands you lemons, put them in your sleeve
and pretend you have muscles.
flirting is a great way to pass the time.
.back.
color underwear whilst updating this page:
black.