Creme March 2001

2897 groupies, 1240 autographs, 57 "What are you doing later?" requests, 4 gigs, 3 nights, 3 stage rioters, 2 stalker fans, 1 Zed tattoo …. And four spunky boys with hearts (and futures) of gold.

ON THE ROAD WITH ZED

Editor Bridget Hope tags along for the second leg of Zed’s recent New Zealand tour and reports on the life and soul of a band on the road.  "so, Bridget, when are you going to start describing us as ‘men’?" asks a wide-eyed Ben.

There’s a ‘happy vibe’  walking down the gangway towards me.  He’s the one you would definitely bring home to meet your mother.  It’s Nathan king - the wholesome lead vocalist of Zed.  I try to take his photo, but instead he gives me a big hug and smiles widely.

The scene is Wellington airport and although I’ve been waiting for over an hour amidst a  crowded room of rugby seven’s supporters, the boys plane has just arrived from Christchurch.  Andy has already arrived on an earlier flight from Auckland and is taking a nap back at the hotel.  Zed have just three gigs to go on the second leg of their national ‘Come on Down’ tour having already conquered the North island, after which they will next be heading off to Thailand to impress the Universal music big wigs at an international convention.  Having just been signed to Interscope Records in the united States (the same label that launched Limp Bizkit), the Zed boys are about to create quite a stir.

Ben Campbell, the bass player, is next.  He is wearing his new sunglasses and text messaging on his cellphone.  I later learn that text messaging is like a national sport to the Zed boys.  Considering only one of them had a cellphone a couple of months ago, it astounds me how completely dependent they are one their mobile toys.

Finally drummer Adrian Palmer walks through the gangway and as I pick up my camera he holds up his keyboard that he is carrying.  "Was that rock and roll enough for you?" he asks.

We arrive at the hotel for find Andy, lying on his hotel bed with his shirt off and his headphones on.  Tour promoter Neil Cox present me with a ‘VIP tour itinerary’ and ‘Access All Areas’ pass.
"The best bit is the ‘small print’," Adrian informs me.
I open up my tour bible and grudgingly begin to read the small print, wondering what all the fuss is about.

"This itinerary is issued to all recipients on the understanding that it is not lost, given away, sold, eaten, used as toilet paper or paper planes, used for sexual favours, bribes or any other form of contra, set on fire or thrown out of hotel windows attached to televisions," reads the first clause.
"Hotel rules must be adhered to at all times.  All other incidental expenses including phone calls, Internet usage, mini-bar frequenting, room service, blue movies, other boring movies, in-room massages, porter tipping, excessive use of hair gel *cough* Ben *cough*, unlawful damage, pilfering of hotel bathrobes or setting alight any other members bed is at the sole expense of the individual concerned."
I ask Ben if anyone has really set fire to another band member’s bed.  "not on this tour," he replies, grinning cheekily.

On the way to Wellington’s Indigo nightclub, a panic-stricken Ben realises that he has left his shoes at the venue of the Auckland show a few night prior.  Neil jumps on the phone to locate the shoes and anything else that Ben has left behind.  Ben is now slightly worried by the fact that he may have to wear his tennis shoes on stage at tonight’s gig.

Outside the venue we notice a small cluster of fans clutching Creme magazines as the band members from support act Eye TV struggle to get their equipment past through the door.  The Zed boys pause at the door and make an effort sign every piece of paper trust in front of the.
A particularly enthusiastic fan grabs Ben, armed with a marker pen… "Can you please put ‘Hanson rocks - love Ben?" she requests.
"But I don’t like Hanson" replies a puzzled Ben.
"yeah but if you say you do, everyone will believe that they are cool," she retorts.
"how about I just put - ‘love Ben?" he says, before walking up the stairs.
If there is one band that the Zed boys (especially Ben) hate being compared to, its hanson.
Originally Zed were scheduled to play at Wellington’s town Hall but with just over 600 ticket sales, Neil decided to move them to a smaller venue and do two shows instead.  Better to have a small venue packed out than a large venue half empty.
"by the time the night is over, I will be lying in a pool of sweat by the side of my amp," sighs Ben.

As the show begins, "Get your gear off!" is the first thing I hear from the crowd as the boys give each other a group hug and run onto the stage.  On stage the boys finally give into the catcalls and take off their shirts, casing further delirium.  The small venue has affected the sound quality but the fans don’t seem to care.  Ben grabs a hotel towel from the side of the stage and works hard at wiping the sweat off his upper body.  He then throws it into the crowd, who begin pulling at it like a pack of wolves over their prey.  Later a girl produces the towel for Ben to sign.  I imagine the sweaty towel hung like a trophy on her bedroom wall to the horror of her parents.

With one show down the boys walk off stage and down onto the very claustrophobic stair case.  Sweat is pouring off Nathan’s face.  A small crowd of fans has gathered at the backstage entrance and still topless, Nathan and Ben make their way down the stairs and into the human jungle to sign autographs.  A ritual they try to do after every show - no matter how sweaty or how tired they are.

A girl rushes over to an also very sweat Ben…
"hug me, hug me, hug me!" she squeals, and lunges towards him.  Nathan is getting similar attention as fans mob him under the street light.  Armed with vivid marker pens, the boys proceed to sign shirts, CD’s napkins, posters and anything else the girls can get their hands on.  Asked what the strangest thing they have ever had to sign was, Ben replies:
"I had to sign a pregnant belly once.  She was really young too."

The crowd begins to gain momentum as word gets out that the boys are out the back door.  Butt he crowd isn’t satisfied with just Ben and Nathan’s presence and start chanting for Andy who is still inside bonding with his ‘cousin’.  Adrian makes an appearance and begins the signing ritual.  At this stage, the crowd has grown to full capacity and as Andy walks into the sea of screaming girls he is absorbed by the crowd.

In the morning, a tired-looking Ben walks in the hotel restaurant and pours himself a  tomato juice.  Andy didn’t come home last night so he had the room to himself.  The boys always share hotel rooms when on tour.  Being such good friends, they’d prefer to have the money than lash out on individual rooms.
Any and Ben (the ‘players’ of the band) always room together, as do the ‘well-mannered’ Nathan and Adrian, whose long-term girlfriend happens to be his younger sister.
"She’s in Australia now though," Nathan says, "so its not like she’s sitting at home waiting around while we’re away."

Today we are flying to Blenheim on board a small 16-seater plane and are already running extremely late for the airport.  Neil rushes into the hotel lobby in a panic, asking where everyone is before rushing out to load up the car.  We manage to squeeze into the Previa but there is still no sign of Andy and Ben.  A man stands outside the hotel sporting quite possibly the most distinguished mullet I have ever seen.  Nathan seizes the opportunity and jumps out of the car with his camera, sneaking up behind the man to take a photo of his mullet.  But at this very moment the man turns around and a caught Nathan runs back into the hotel.  Finally Ben and Andy appear with giant suitcases an slowly make their way to the car.  It astounds me that Andy (being the smallest member of the band) manages to have the biggest suitcase.
"We are always missing planes," admits Adrian, as Nathan sprints back towards the car.
We race off towards the airport and Neil mistakes orange for green in a bid to make the flight.  If we miss this flight, the boys will miss the blenheim gig and with over 1000 tickets already sold, it’s not a viable option.  Having been alerted of our panicked situation, the airport staff rush around us with walkie talkies in their hand.  Screaming towards the tarmac we rush past a small group of disgruntled travelers who have been held up  so that we can board the plane first.  Once on board the plane,  the boys relax whilst Andy and Ben catch up on some much needed shut-eye.

Once in Blenheim we go directly to Stadium 2000, a glorified sports arena an the venue for tonight’s show.  The boys take a look around before heading to the ‘Subway’ stand for some lunch.  Almost instantly a group of girls in school uniform recognise the band and move towards the boys, who then try to eat their lunch and sign parts of the girl’s school uniforms at the same time.  Andy and Ben make their way to the gym for a workout whilst Nathan and Adrian return to the hotel for a swim.

Later that evening, two girls wait in the wings backstage.  The strong smell of perfume wafts through the air.  Close to the end of their set, the boys walk off stage for their encore.  A short dark-haired girl makes a bee-line for Nathan.  "so what are you doing later?" she propositions.
Looking her straight into her eyes he replies: "Going straight home to BED!"
The girl then proceeds to press herself seductively against him.
Trying to escape, Nathan climbs out from underneath her and walks into the dressing room, leaving Andy to deal with the pair.

The next day, when Nathan reflects on the incident, he says: "they were just so bold.
When she pressed herself against me, I just wanted to grab her and say, ‘look, don’t do this, you’re a beautiful girl.  Stop being so stupid.  You should save yourself’."
He then adds laughingly, "Ray (Columbus, Zed’s manager) is always telling us, ‘Never sleep with a girl after a show because they will always want free tickets and backstage passes for the rest of your life’."

Back in Blenheim after the gig, a group of autograph hunters gather in anticipation.  Two slightly older girls are walking around in matching t-shirts.  On the front of their t-shirts is a screen printed picture of the girls pictured with both Nathan and Ben.  One of the girls shows me her Zed tattoo on the small of her back - scary.
"Those girls are probably our biggest ‘stalker’ fans," Nathan also tells em the next day..
"the scary thing is that they just go quietly about their business. They just go and do things like get a Zed tattoo.  You just don’t know what their motives are.  They said that they were going to follow us to America and I wouldn’t put it past them.."

The next day when Nathan arrives at the Christchurch town Hall for a soundcheck, a red g-string dangles from his microphone, the front of which reads, ‘Why don’t you ‘come on down’?’ followed by the two girls mobile phone numbers.
"I think I know what their motives are now," he says tossing them into a corner.

Being their hometown, the Christchurch concert is one that the boys are thoroughly looking forward to.  We pull up to the backstage entrance to be greeted by a small collection of fans who tell us that they have been waiting for the boys to arrive since 7.30am.
Nathan happily poses to have his photo taken with the girls and signs any autograph requested.

A slightly car-sick Ben emerges from his parent’s car and slowly makes his way towards the entrance signing autographs as he goes.  "there are two letters waiting for you at home," a fan informs him.  "I also spoke to your Dad on the phone." She says.  Ben looks away before posing for a photo.  In the past few months a number of fans have managed to get the boys home phone numbers, addresses an cell-phone numbers in a bid to get close to them.  Later that day, I ask the boys how their parents react to having fans call their homes all the time.
"they go a bit spare" replies Andy.
Ben says: "We don’t actually answer our phones at home any more and if anyone asks for us, our families will not put us on the phone."
"We know because all of our friends call us on the cellphones.  They don’t call us at home because we are never there." Andy adds.

Tonight is a big gig for the band.  Their parents and friends will all be in the audience and as a result, the guest list that the boys have submitted is the length of Nathan’s arm.  The final concert of their tour kicks off with the usual screams of teen hysteria.  The boys are in their element and are working their magic as a unit.

In fact, everything is going smoothly until Nathan launches into a new song, ‘identity thief’.  Suddenly three nutters decide to jump from the balcony and start creating havoc on stage.  Wearing black from head to toe, one of them rushes over to Nathan’s microphone and knocks it into the crowd, another jumps into the crowd falling headfirst onto the floor, whilst a third runs over to Andy’s floor pedals and starts kicking them over.  Amazingly the boys keep on playing.  Not deterred by three freaky guys, they just keep going as if nothing had happened.  Andy even smiles as two of the Zed roadies run onto the stage, pull the freaks down and smash them into the floor.
Chanting "Zed are poison, Zed are poison…" they are then tossed out onto the pavement - the irony being that each of them paid $30 for that very poison.

As Zed’s final show sadly comes to a close, Nathan introduces their last song, a new balled titled ‘Goodbye’ : "This is one of our last New Zealand gigs before we head across to ‘America," he says.  "thanks to all of you who have supported us in the past year.  We wouldn’t be going anywhere if it wasn’t’ for you guys.  So until we return - this is Goodbye."
 

Read the script Colin

I can't read Jessica, I'm a tree