Please note: this story has nothing to do with Garfield's teddy bear, nor does it feature a Dinosaur of any sort or size.  Happy Reading...
 
 

It was a typical day down in Megan's basement… the odd dead plant here and there, the usual passing rat, the strange green gas cloud from the heating system, the common dead body hanging from the celing… you get my drift. It was a quiet, urban hangout where everybody goes to chill, to hang, to relax. It was an ideal setting too… with the dripping water pipes and the cold draught that came through every so often, it gave it that 'back alley' feel.

Eminem was there, of course… he lived there. He was spinning the sounds, providing the music for this dreary scene. Everywhere "The Real Slim Shady" was blasting to every corner of the basement. And nobody cared… Slim Shady was the best rapper anybody had ever heard.
 

One dark night in the basement, Dre was kicking rocks along the road when he stopped to talk to Eminem.
"Ya'll mah homey, wassup wassup wassup?" he said, slapping Eminem in their usual handshake.
"Yo Dre," Eminem said. "Just spinnin' mah sounds, ya know what I'm sayin? Spreading my word, ya'll."
"Sweet my brudda," replied Dre. He and Eminem were good mates… they had a long history together. But after Eminem became famous, Dre was becoming forgotten. "Hey Dre?" Eminem said. "Wanna clear this up… nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say, ya know what I'm sayin?"
"Yeah…" Dre said.
"But nothing comes out when they move their lips, just a bunch of gibberish…" Eminem stopped.
"Yeah whattya trying to say?" Dre persisted.
"That the mothafuckas act like they forgot about Dre, but they don't…"
"Yeah… yah I know. It's sweet as Em…"
Dre smiled and walked on his way.

In the other direction, was Daniel Johns, lead singer of silverchair, on his way to visit his doctor about his diet. Apparently, he wasn't eating enough… but he thought he looked healthy! As he walked along the street, he saw someone approach him. As he liked to avoid any violence, he put his head down. As he did, the person walked past, and as he did, a strand of his curly blonde hair floated down and landed on the stranger's shoe.
"Yo… your hair landed on my shoe!" the stranger said, stopping. Daniel also stopped.
"Oh… sorry man," he said.
"Nah… nah you aint," the stranger said.
"I am!" Daniel said frowning.
"You getting smart now eh? EH? You wanna go! Come on! Bring it on, honkey!" Daniel laughed.
"I'm sorry… how about we negociate…?"
"Ooh you wanna "negociate"?! I'll get my homeboys onto you ow! You're going down!"
"I'm said I was F*CKING sorry!" Daniel said. "What part don't you understand?"
"You dat chair guy aint ya?!" the guy said.
"Daniel…" Dan said, offering his hand to shake.
"I'm Dre…" Dre said, ignoring him. "And now we've introduced ourselves, I'm gonna smash you."
With that, he swung around and smashed his fist into Daniel's face, making his nose bleed.
"YOU MADE ME BLEED!" Daniel exclaimed, putting his hands up to his nose in pain. "OWW IT HURTS! YOU HURT ME!"
Dre then pounded Daniel's stomach, causing Dan to curl over in pain and land on the street.
"OUCH… OW STOP IT! STOP IT!" he pleaded, tears in his eyes.
"HAH!" Dre said, kicking him repeatedly.
This continued for another minute or so, when they were interrupted with a "Ooh, YOU WRECKED MY FAVOURITE BLUE SHIRT!"
They both looked up to see about ten guys, obviously caught in a huge argument of their own, making their way towards them.
"What the f…?" Dre said, stopping for a second to see who these people were. This gave Dan the opportunity to poke Dre's eyes.
"AHHHH!" Dre wailed.
This caught the attention of the guys. They stopped arguing and ran over to see what was happening.

"Good lord," exclaimed one guy with blonde hair. "Are you alright gov'na?!"
"Yeah… who the hell are you?!" asked Dre, obviously still in pain.
"We're 5ive… here…" he helped Dre up.
"5ive… you mean that gay boy band?!"
"BOY BAND?!" Daniel exclaimed from where he was. He looked around in terror.
They looked at him weirdly.
"Gay boy band? Pfft… that's Westlife over there. They're the gay band. We're cool. We rap."
"You do?" Dre said impressed. "Let's hear your stuff!"
"Slam dunk da funk, put it up!" 5ive started.
This angered Westlife, who then leaped and doing very stylie gay looking boy band moves, knocked all the members of 5ive to the ground in pain.
"Eh… don't mess with mah homeboys!" Dre exclaimed. He had now totally forgotten Daniel, who was cowering in the corner at the sight of boy bands.
"Battle of the boy bands," Westlife said. "We're gonna kick your butts's!"
Dre then grabbed a crowbar that just happened to be lying nearby, and in one easy move, hit all of Westlife across the head.
Daniel gulped and tried to stand, but went weak at the knees and fell.
Westlife got up, and, being extremely angered by Dre's previous move, turned on Dre with extra superhuman strength and ripped him apart.
"YOU KILLED HIM!" 5ive said in disbelief.
"Oh… oh god…" murmured Daniel from the corner.
"HOW COULD YOU?!" 5ive said in horror.
"Please… please don't hurt me…" Daniel whimpered.
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE FOR THAT!" 5ive yelled.
"BRING IT ON!" Westlife yelled.
"Nooo… please… noo!" Daniel said crying.
"Hey… who is this guy?!" Bryan from Westlife said, suddenly realising Dan was there.
"Hey… hey it's that Daniel Johns fulla from that chair band…!" Scott from 5ive said. "The one who hates Boy Bands!"
"Oh yeh?! What's wrong with Boy Bands huh?!" Shane from Westlife said walking over to Dan. "You got a problem with us eh?! HUH?!"
He pushed Daniel. Dan started to cry.
"Please… oh god please don't hurt me…!"
"What's wrong with us?! Huh?! HUH?!" J from 5ive said joining in. He shoved Daniel to the ground.
"I… but I… I…!"
"Enough talk," said Nicky Westlife. "Let's kill this lad!"
With that, all ten guys enclosed on Daniel and turned him into a mushy pile of… well… mush.

Rob Zombie and Ozzy Osbourne were mates, and were on their way to find some tucker.
"Whattya feel like?" Rob asked Oz.
"Hrm… actually I could do with bat's head," Ozzy replied. "Or frog's legs is good. How about monkey brains?"
Rob's stomach growled.
"Don't make me hungrier than I already am!"
"Hey, what's with that weird looking cloud over there with arms and various other limbs poking out of it every so often?!" Oz said, squinting in the distance in the far breeches of the basement.
"Looks like a fight!" Rob said excitedly. "Let's have a look!"
They rushed over to the squabbling Boy Bands, who were almost tearing each other to pieces.
"Hey Oz… how ya feel like Boy Band for dins?" Rob said smiling.
"Mmm…" Ozzy said licking his lips. "Let's split em… five each…"
"You're on!" Rob said.
And with that, the two jumped into the cloud and started to devour the ten lads.

*munch*
*crunch*
*gulp*
*belch*
"Pass me another 5ive leg?"
"Mm… these Westlife brains are the BEST! Chuck me the salt…"
"Here ya go Rob."
"Thank you Oz."
"Ya know…" Rob said, waving around a 5ive rib bone. "This is the best meal I've had for awhile."
"Actually," Oz said, ripping Westlife flesh off a drumstick, "I think you're right!"

The two looked up from their meal to see smoke and fireworks blasting around them. They glanced over at Eminem, who was playing the Rock entrance. He shrugged at them.
"THE ROCK SAYS… THE ROCK SAYS…!"
From the entrance of the basement, walking down the stairs came Bruce Willis and The rock, looking mighty mean wearing dark shades, spandex pants and a open Hawaiian shirt to give himself that 'sexy mean' look.
"Hey… it's that WWF guy! And that dood from that movie!" Oz exclaimed.
The Rock and Bruce walked up to the two eating. They stood up. The Rock puts his microphone to his mouth.
"The Rock says he wants to walk here. The Rock will NOT tolerate any disruptions. The Rock says he wants you to move your candy coated asses out of his way!"
Oz looks at him threateningly, wiping blood from off his mouth.
"You threatening us?!"
"Yeah… you heard what he said!" Bruce said, rolling up his sleeves.
"You threatening US?!" Rob repeated, staring at each of them in the eye. "Do you KNOW who we are?!"
"It doesn't matter who you are!" cried the Rock
And with that, he grabbed Rob by the shirt, lifted him up and tossed him out of the way.
Ozzy then lunged at The Rock, when Bruce punched him and he too went flying into a wall.
"The Rock doesn't expect to be talked back to! The Rock always gets his way in the end!" The Rock proclaimed.
Before walking off, The Rock and Bruce ran to the corners of the basement, bounced off the walls, and jumped on Rob and Ozzy, sending blood, guts, various internal organs and remains of 5ive and Westlife splattering all over the walls.

Megan, who had Liz over that day, thought she heard something weird in the basement.
"Liz… dude… did you just hear something weird?" she said, frowning.
"Yeah… it was like a squishy kinda crunchy noise!" Liz agreed.
"Probably Eminem murdering his various spouses and stuff… but we'll see…" Megan said, starting down to the basement.
 

When they got there they were greeted with The Rock, Bruce Willis, Eminem playin' his music and very bloody walls.
"What the hell happened here?!" Megan exclaimed.
The Rock looked up at her, one eyebrow raised.
"The Rock just had to take care of a lil business…" he said.
"And you think you can mess up my walls?!" Megan protested. "You think you all dat and a bag of potato chips galfriend?! Nah-uh you ugly!"
"Actually, Megan… he's a babe!" Liz whispered to her.
"Yeah true, I take back that former statement!" Megan said.
The Rock attempted a smile.
"The Rock says a marriage is in order!" he said. "The Rock says… wait… there's only one Rock… two of you!"
Bruce stepped forward.
"I have a cloning machine… I could make two Rocks. They'd be exactly the same. How's bout it?"
The Rock looked at him with the eyebrow.
"The Rock likes that idea."
Megan and Liz exchanged glances and smiled.

After about twenty minutes, a cloning machine and the confusion over who the REAL Rock is, the girls and Rocks were at the alter about to get married.
"Thank God I remembered I used to be a pastor in my old days," Bruce said. He was hardly in church clothes… he was wearing a white tank top covered in oil and blood.
"Just in case!" he said.
The church service was going underway, Megan wearing her ball dress, dyed white, with huge silver platforms and angel wings, and Liz wearing her garbage mound, when somebody suddenly burst through the door. They all turned.
"STOP!!!!!!!" the person yelled. On closer inspection, they saw it was Robbie Williams.
"YOU CAN'T MARRY THEM! I LOVE THEM! YOU CAN'T!"
Eminem, who was about to play the wedding march rap style, sighed.
"The Rock says he don't like interruptions!" one of The Rocks' said.
"The Rock says he don't like to hear about some other honkey trying to steal his woman!" the other Rock said.
The two Rocks slowly staggared up to him. Using Tag Team techniques, they got rid of their interruption.
"Now… where were we?" Bruce continued. "Rock, do you say I do?"
The Rock looked at him with the eyebrow.
"The Rock says I do," he replied.
"Liz? Megan?"
"We do!" they said.
"Other Rock?"
"The Rock says I do."
"Then you're married, congrats! Now excuse me, I have to save the world. Thanks!"
And Bruce flew out the basement window and away.
 

Eminem sat back at his turntable, and doing his everyday turntableing and watched the girls and the Rocks leave the basement.
" For all the weed that I've smoked - yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too!
To all the friends I used to have - yo I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can KISS MY ASS
For all the drugs that I've done - yo I'm still gon' do
To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too!
For everytime I reminisce - yo I miss my past
But I still don't give a fuck, y'all can KISS MY ASS"
 

Copyright = Elizabeth Tay, 2000