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-What do elephants use as tampons?

Sheep

-Why do elephants have long trunks?

Sheep don't have strings

-What's red & white on the outside, and gray on the inside?

1: Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup

2: An inside-out elephant.

-How do you know there is an elephant in your bed?

1: There is an E on his pajamas.

2: There are peanut shells under the pillow.

-How do you know when there's an elephant under your bed?

The ceiling is a lot closer.

-Why do elephants wear sandals?

So that they don't sink in the sand

-Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?

To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

-How do you know if an elephant's standing near you in an elevator?

By the smell of peanuts on his breath

-Why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar?

Because they're easier to get at the ballpark

-How do you catch an elephant?

Hide in the grass and make a noise like a peanut.

-Why did the elephants quit their job at the factory?

They got tired of working for peanuts.

-What's the difference between an elephant and peanut butter?

An elephant doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.

-What do you get if you cross an elephant and a jar of peanut butter?

You get a peanut butter sandwich that never forgets.

-What is it that looks like an elephant and flies?

A flying elephant

-What is it that looks like an elephant and flies and is very dangerous?

A flying elephant with a machine gun

-What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?

Sir

-What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?

Anything you want, it can't hear you

-Why do girl elephants wear angora sweaters?

So you can tell them from boy elephants

-Why don't elephants like blue lace petticoats?

Who said they don't like blue lace petticoats???

-Why don't elephants make good policemen?

1: They can't hide behind billboards

2: They don't look good in blue

-What does an elephant smell like before it takes a shower?

An elephant

-What does an elephant smell like after it takes a shower?

A wet elephant

-What sound do you get when you drop an elephant down a mine shaft?

A-flat minor

-What sound do you get when you drop an elephant into an army camp?

A-flat major

-What's gray and yellow and gray and yellow?

An elephant rolling downhill with a banana in his mouth

-How do you stop a charging elephant?

Take away his credit card

-Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?

So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate

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