Previously on Surface Tension:

He waited patiently playing with a flashlight as I sat across from him, tears pouring down my face. Finally I said, "because I don't want to marry a man who doesn't love me."

"Who's to say I don't."

On today's episode:

So that statement led me to believe that he did love me maybe a little bit. Maybe it was wrong to make that assumption.

Ray doesn't like cuddling after sex. Usually I respect that and am content with draping a leg over his and him throwing an arm over my belly. But Saturday night I was feeling good and snuggled into him. Then I kissed him. Mistake

"I don't like kissing after sex. It's not you, I've always been that way. When sex is over, it's over, no kissing."

Then he couldn't understand why I started crying.

Toward the end of the argument I asked "how do you feel about me?" Notice I didn't say the word love.

"I like you, I care about you, but I don't love you."

I thanked him for his honesty and after a few quiet neutral words went to sleep.

Sunday he came over with a few frozen dinners, popped one in the microwave and said to sit down, he had to talk to me.

"Good or bad?" I asked.

"Good for me, bad for you."

"You're going home?"

He ignored me and we sat on the couch.

"You know how I've been talking about going home for a month to see my family?"

"When do you leave?"

Ignored again. "And how Abed's wife is going and he asked me to go with her?"

"When do you leave." I was startled at how calm and matter of fact I was.

First he said he was leaving Feb 4. But then he said he'd work for this new guy and save up money to pay me back what I loaned him before he leaves. Well he can't do that in a week.

There was some confusion for a bit. It seems that not only was February in a few days but stretched all the way out bypassing March and ending in early April. Anyway this woman leaves April 9 and he is thinking of going with her. Then later that day says that he may not leave, but work though the summer and leave next winter.

He doesn't know what he wants. He kept asking me what he should do. I kept telling him that I want him happy and if his happiness comes from going home to Israel, then he should go home.

I'm thinking of moving when my lease comes up in May. "I may be living someplace new when you come back.' I said.

"You could get a house and when I come back we could live together." he said real quietly.

I'm not counting on it. But I didn't tell him that.