Sermon

        Come Hither, oh ye of little faith, and behold the Holy Mysteries of the Univerce, These are the things that the Religious books do not want you to know, so sit back relax, and read on oh mighty leaders and behold the "truth" of that which is.

          Well, where do I begin? I suppose I should start by talking about god, well, Yes, god did create the universe, but what created god? I think we all know the answer to that, we just cant admit it to ouselves, Everyone knows that 800 trillion years ago a giant potato created god, now, god as a child was very mischevious, and had a wicked sence of humor, The Earth was by no means the first thing created, actualy the first thing god created was the fart, the only reason he created life in the first place was so that he could have things farting all the time, he found this so amusing that every creature he created has some version of the fart. Then and life was alredy there, he decided to create shame and embarasment over natural bodily functions.
         This kind of thing went on for several trillion years, untill he decided to create humans, he then decided to make a race so confused that they didn't know what was what, on a planed where the continents were drifting apart so once people thought they knew what was what it would change! In this same tradition Natural Disasters were created.
         God has had many, many children on earth, the most famous of his kids inclue Jesus, Michalangelo, and Pauly Shore. Gods children have done many great things for the earth, they have also created confusion, Chaos, and wars, just like their father, they have a wicked sence of humor.
         Angels were created by God about a billion years before the human race, the angels were intended to be the lakies of God, carying out his bidding and laughing at the living with him. they did a very good job of this.
         Religion, was created by a child of god 30k years ago, this was specificaly inteded to confuse the human race and make us dissagree with each other about things that arent important anyway. The day that religion was created, God began to laught, and continued to laugh all the way into the Renaisance, God did not do anything else to the earth untill that point. During this time, The anels took over the human race, created more religious dogma, and laughed their butts off.
         What most people don't know is that the human race, colectively put together, is actualy as powerful as god was as a child 800 trillion years ago, we are just to confused to realise it, and way to confused to do anything with it.
         It has recently come to my atention that Profesional Sports are the DEVIL! It seems that the sole purpose for the existance of profesional sports is to intirupt my favorite programing, therefore, Sports are the devil, and who is the oposite, the great holy force that opposes them, why thats quite simple, It is Sci-Fi television Shows, Sci-Fi is GOD!
         The world will come to an end in the year 3857, when the sun explodes in a giang celestial fart. wiping out the entire planet, but that time we will have been abducted and eslaved by an alian race known as the Timealeans. We will work in the salt mines for them untill the year 5839 by our calender when we free ourselves from their wrath and then suffocate in their atmosphere.