Abuse can victimise anyone ~ no one is immune from it. It leaves one feeling worthless, empty, ashamed, blaming themselves with no self confidence. A very lonely experience, victims are often isolated....enduring physical abuse, control of them and verbal degradation/abuse. Abuse is inflicted by someone known to the victim...by a stranger, it is assault.
There are numerous types of abuse ~ all of which "control" is the main factor. Many are common in domestic situations, also with physical, emotional, sexual and child abuse, and unfortunately they often involve children, as well as women. The aim of the abuser is to control the victim. They need a sense of power and authority. So they inflict some kind of abuse on the victim to gain that power and control. And more often than not, the victim is someone who trusts them....
Never think abuse is your fault.
Domestic, sexual or child abuse are crimes.
Abuse Doesn't have to be Violent
As with domestic situations, abuse is not only "violent", but can be emotional and mental as well ~ and just as damaging to the soul, leaving scars long after the bruises have healed that can take years of recovery. And for the victim, it is a very lonely experience. Children are often the victim to this kind of abuse....subjected to threats, degradation and also sexual abuse. They are often made to promise that they will never tell (in sexual abuce cases), and to feel degraded, worthless and empty. The power of the tongue is probably more damaging and violent than any physicaly kind of abuse, inflicting words of pain, hate and disrespect. Sexual abuse is not always violent either, particularly if the abuser is someone known and trusted to the victim (especially a child who believes they "have to"). Often abuse so painful to a child can be repressed into adulthood, the mind protecting them from knowing what they once endured.
** To see the many other forms of abuse, please visit my pages on "Types of Abuse" and also "Symptoms of Abuse".
Why does he/she do it?
There are various ideas as to why someone becomes an abuser. More often when the abuser is someone known to the victim and someone they trust, it is difficult to see why they can "hurt" someone they are supposed to love and care for, particularly a child. And why someone rapes a young girl they know? One can only ask what makes someone abuse another?
Here are some ideas:
* he/she has had a dysfunctional childhood
* he/she feels the need to be in control
* he/she cannot control his/her anger
* he/she "makes" him/her do it
* loneliness of sex(in sexual abuse cases)
Some of these are excuses, some are very real issues. But one thing remains the same ~ the abuser is responsible for his/her actions ~ not you. And there is never an excuse for child, physical or sexual abuse!
I'm A Survivor Too
I am a survivor of sexual abuse ~ I know the pain, the hurt, the shame and the worthlessness. I know the emptiness, and the lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. I know how it feels like you're nothing. I know the thoughts of "why did he do it?" I know what it is like to see him acting as though nothing happened while he destroyed you. I know what it is like to see him not get the punishment he deserves because he was your ex-boyfriend. I know the violation and shame, and I know it never goes away.
I KNOW, and so do many others, because we have lived it.
What to do
Abuse IS a crime! Please help stop it.
For child abuse, please call your local child welfare organisation or Department. No child deserves to live with abuse, or neglect (which is abuse too).
For sexual abuse, report it. Tell someone. People care. Take someone with you to the Police and the Hospital. Don't let your abuser go unpunished. Sexual abuse is silent, but don't let it be....
No one deserves to be abused, to be degraded or to be made to feel completely worthless! No one should be a subject for someone's physical abuse. We all have the right to freedom. Control ~ that's what it is about....and we can control our own lives by becoming a survivor. If you are being abused, YOU CAN do it. I did.
PLEASE NOTE:
I do not claim to be an expert, nor am I a psychologist or
social worker - I am a survivor, and I know what it was
to be a victim.
