Personal
Entries: Solo
Sept. 25-27
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Afternoon
of the 25th:
Words to
describe my solo spot:
--cool to
cold
--brilliantly green
--cloudy
skies--only small patches of blue
--giant
rock face up to my right (well, not giant...but big on sort of an
Appalachian scale)
--I'm
sitting on a small ridge approximately 5 meters from my tarp. The
ridge separates me from Calen, who's on the other side. I am
going to try very hard not to
peek over the ridge, to make myself think that there really is no-one
nearby. I could pretend to be a battle soldier and sort of shimmy
up there on my stomach, but then
what if he saw me making an idiot of myself?
--The
clouds move relatively quickly overhead. I'm going to watch them
for awhile. Over and out.
Morning
of the 26th:
I never
thought I'd say this about camping on a cold mountain...under a
tarp...and eating cheese and crackers in my sleeping bag after
dark...but this is fun. I like this. I LIKE THIS!
Perhaps I've conquered at least part of my fear of the outdoors, if not
all of it.
The sun
set behind my hill very quickly last night. I had to hurry to put
on all of my warm layers, run in place for a minute or so, and then
scramble beneath Brown Dotty (I decided to name my tarp). I gave
up on the not-eating thing shortly thereafter: I realized that I was
considering it mainly because everyone else is doing it, not because
I'm independently inclined to do so. And then I fell asleep, even
though it couldn't have been later than 8 PM. I woke up about
three zillion times because I was so cold. (I hate my sleeping bag in
this weather. It just doesn't cut it.) It didn't help that
I'd set up my shelter so that the wind could blow conveniently through
the front. When I got up this morning, the first thing I did was
to rearrange everything. I did, and tonight should be more
comfortable.
And
now? Now I'm sitting in the long green grass of my little hill,
literally basking in the morning sun and baking all of the residual
moisture out of my clothing. I love this. I love this
moment--the warmth, the sound of the stream rushing down a nearby
slope. I love that I had the determination and foresight to make
this trip happen. I love that I am having a good time, even
though Trent is thousands of miles away. I love the people I'm
with. I love that I can recognize the special nature of these 2
months now...it'll make me appreciate the rest of it even more.
Why
didn't I like this kind of thing before? Probably because I
didn't know that it could be so simple. Now I know what Trent
meant when he said that a backpack is one of his greatest
satisfactions: everything you need is strapped around your
shoulders. Your survival doesn't require the presence of a house
or a car or money. Or even a shower or cappuccino. Your
survival depends on your legs, your ingenuity and common sense, and the
few essentials in your pack.
What will
I do when I go home? It's dawning on me that nothing will be the
same. Before going, I wondered whether this would be my "last
hurrah" before I truly settled down. But if anything, this trip
has made me want to travel more, to see more of the outdoors, to get
into rock climbing, and to get to know other people in the context of a
truly unifying experience. When I go home I'll probably do what
I'd initially planned on: writing, working at Starbucks,
teaching. But will that be enough for me? Maybe I should
check into HIOBS just to see what the possibilities are.
Afternoon
of the 26th:
They
dropped us off at about 2:30 PM on the 25th and will pick us up on the
afternoon of the 27th. I had a really nice morning and am
enjoying the warm sunshine after a cold night. Andy just stopped
by to check on me, meaning that I have 24 more hours to go. I'm
still trying to figure out what I want/need to get out of this.
So far I've relaxed a lot and thought about what I'm going to do when I
return home. But there's more to consider, too.
To
get here: they dropped us off on the road and we hiked up to a little
clearing where we had lunch. Then they gave us 10 minutes to
collect whatever materials we wanted for solo. In silence, they
led us to our individual spots. (Darn it. Was that
someone's whistle or a bird call? I'll assume it's the latter.)
What I'm
wondering right now: how's Erin doing? I'm starting to wish that
I, too, had snuck a candy bar and a book into my stuff. But that
would be cheating...and as it is, I'm eating the food they gave us even
though many of my friends aren't eating at all.
Morning of the
27th:
Hmmm. What to say. I'm sitting on my
sleeping bag in the morning sun. I just washed my hands, brushed
my teeth, and put my hair into pigtails (just for kicks). I'm
feeling serene. That's pretty much par for the course.
During this solo I haven't really experienced loneliness, sadness, or a
deep desire to be anywhere but here. That in itself is unusual
for me. I'm used to experiencing a wide range of emotions in a
single day. I'm used to feeling antsy. Usually I find
myself wishing for something more or something different. I'm
surprised at myself, actually.
A list of food we had on solo (I ate it all!):
-2 packs Saltines (6 Saltines per pack)
-1/3 packet of Emental cheese
-4 rice cakes
-bag of salted peanuts and dried corn (2 handfuls)
-1 small granola bar
-1 apple
-1 small, teasing piece of chocolate
-NO CAPPUCCINO (something I'd really like to have
right now)
The ABC's of a Month Long Hike:
A bird sounds like a whistle
Beads when we accomplish something
Calen and David and Thomas and Alison and Bond and Erin and Alex and
Kasey and August
Dozing off in the sun
Eating little right now
Final expedition coming up
Glacier walking problems
Hiking all day, huts at night
I don't want this part of the trip to end
Joking around the cooking area
Knots of all kinds, all the time
Lounging with cappuccinos and guitar music
"Mexican!" at Muller Hutte
Nights are freezing cold
On the trail: gravel, rock, metal
Pasta for dinner (again)
Quota of food for solo; quotes
Rock climbing: a new passion
Sleeping bag ratings lie
Talking about books, food, dreams
Underwear keeps getting lost
Via ferr-losers
Water from the stream; why does time move so quickly?
X....ylophone?
Yearning for a good meal, good conversation
Zoyks, we're almost halfway done.
The perfect
description of my solo experience:
"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go
outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens,
nature, and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as
it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple
beauty of nature. As long as this exists...I know that there will
always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be."
--Anne Frank