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The Lonely Jew on Christmas
by Kyle Brofloski with Special Guest

It's hard to be a jew on Christmas
My friends won't let me join in any games
And I can't sing Christmas songs 
Or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph 
Because there's something wrong with me
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's Divinity
I'm a Jew...a lonely Jew on Christmas

Hanukkah is nice but why is it?
That Santa passes over my house every year
And instead of eating ham I have to 
Eat Kosher latkes
Instead of Silent Night, I'm singing
Hoo Hact Toh Gaveesh
And what the f*ck is up with lighting
All these f*ckin' candles, tell me please
I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew 
I can't be merry 'cause I'm Hebrew on Christmas

[Special Guest] 
Hey little boy, I couldn't help but hear
You're feeling left out of Christmas cheer
But I've come to say that you shouldn't be sad
This is one month that you should be glad
'Cause it's nice to be a Jew on Christmas
You don't have to deal with the season at all
You don't have to be on your best behavior
Or give to charity
You don't have to go to Grandma's house
With your alcoholic family

And I don't have sit on some fake Santa's lap
And have him breathe his stinky breathe on me

That's right, you're a Jew, a sylin' Jew
It's a good time to be Herbrew
On Christmas (on Christmas)